Zootopia (2016)

Directed by Byron Howard and Rich Moore
Written by Jared Bush and Phil Johnston
Premiered March 4, 2016
108 Minutes

Rated PG

Synopsis
Since she was a kid, bunny rabbit Judy Hopps (Ginniger Goodwin) has wanted to be a cop despite her diminutive size. When she's old enough, she fulfills that dream by moving to Zootopia, an all mammal metropolis, and being added to the force by Mayor Lionheart's (J.K. Simmons) "Mammal Inclusion Act". However, Judy is relegated to parking duty by Chief Bogo (Idris Elba) who does not believe in her. On her first day, Judy meets cynical sly fox Nick Wilde (Jason Bateman) who takes advantage of her kind nature and naïveté. Judy decides to make something of herself by taking on one of the 14 missing mammal cases and sets out to find a Emmitt Otterton...but she realizes Nick can be a help to her after all.

Before We Begin
This is my second ever viewing of Zootopia, which is far more forgivable than my second ever viewing of Big Hero 6 considering this movie only came out eight months ago (on my 28th birthday to boot!) I did not see it in theaters but a coworker of mine let me borrow her superfluous DVD copy--which I watched on my GD laptop. Keeping an open mind, I found that I quite enjoyed it and I am excited to watch it again...this time on Netflix.

Zootopia, if only for having a bunny protagonist, is going to be put in at least the Fondness category. But remember, I have not seen this movie 800 times like most of the others so my comments may be...erratic.

Mötley Müsings
• I love bunnies. Adorable.

• Is that the sheep from later.........Nope...that woulda been neat tho.

• "Today I can hunt for tax exemptions. I'm gonna be an actuary."

• Judy. That's a very non-2010s name. I don't know what to think about that...I guess I'm glad her name isn't Kaedynn or Kynsleigh or Keratin. (Or should I say Carrot-tin...haha. The Disney Doxy will judge your baby name.)

• "Judy, you ever wonder how your mom and me got to be so darn happy?"
"Nope."
"Well, we gave up on our dreams, and we settled. Right, Bon?"
"Oh, yes. That's right, Stu, we settled hard."

• 275 brothers and sisters!!!

• Kick in the face! Damn.

• I know it's predators vs. prey...but he's a BOY beating up a GIRL and that seems downright shocking in a kid's movie.

• Mammal Inclusion Initiative. Why are they all mammals? You could do stuff with crocodiles and eagles and bullfrogs. Why?

• "When is there not a need for a fox taser?"

• Fuck. This. Song. Seriously...it plays at my work everyday. I did not like it even when I had no idea where it was from. Maybe if I didn't hear it every fucking day for the last seven months, and if it was sung by someone who didn't sound like she was gargling testes...then it would be okay. Sorry, Shakira. I'm sure you're a lovely person. But I just can't with you.

• Bloody smart phones. Trends and Disney don't always work...

• Gazelle is totally unnecessary. Is she supposed to be Beyoncé or something? She does not work.

• "A bunny can call another bunny cute...but when other animals do it..." All right, we all know what Disney is going for here, and I am going to point out that this sort of thing is bigger than race. For instance, a woman can compliment another woman's appearance ("Your hair looks cute today") but when some rando guy does it, it comes off creepy as fuck. So really...just replace the word "bunny" with "girl" and it's true.

• Are there any other girl cops? Oh, Francine the elephant. Okay.

• Otters are predators? Like for fish, right?

• "I'm not just some token bunny."

• Are foxes really the WORST animal mammal? I would think wolf maybe. Big bad wolf, etc.

• Fifteen dollars for a popsicle! WTF!?

• Jason Bateman can be smarmy and charming. Smarming.

• "A real articulate fella."

• "Hey Little Toot..." I wonder if Disney has any idea they're referencing one of their own forgotten  movies.

• Cute fat mice.

• Pop song cues...ugh....

• "Jude the dude."

• "My mommy says she wishes you were dead."

• Steve Buscemi was meant to voice a weasel. Wait. It's not Steve Buscemi? Really? Huh.

• Snooki hair.

• "Life isn't some cartoon musical where you sing a little song and all your insipid dreams magically come true. So let it go." Yes, please. Let's let "Let it Go" go.

• Emmitt Otterton looks like Hiram Favisham.

• "Did you just boot my stroller?"

• "We are good at multiplying." BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

• Tommy Chong? Why not? They had Cheech 28 years ago!

• Naked animals...not sure what the deal is with this. They're all in awkward yoga poses but we don't see any orifices...I don't get it. Why is this so shocking? I think it would be funnier if there was something constantly covering the thing we're not supposed to see, but instead what we're not supposed to be seeing isn't even there...which makes a logical adult like myself wonder how these characters go to the bathroom and make love.

Much funnier...

• "She's an elephant so she'll totally remember everything." Are we still kicking around the "elephants never forget" joke from The Jungle Book? All righty then. I can dig it.

• People hate the DMV. Sloths. Patty and Selma. It's never good.

• This is comedy gold.

• "Who still uses CDs?"

• The Godfather jokes. Why not?

• "I was small and emotionally unbalanced like you were."

• Oh no. Tragic childhood back story. Tears.

• Lionheart calling Bellwether "Smellwether" is hilariously Mad Men for some reason.

• Wolves are a red herring.

• So is the mayor...

• Recording shit on smartphones #2010s

• App jokes #2010s

• Speaking of 2010s...is Shakira even relevant in this decade? Besides like being an American Idol judge or whatever? And that show hasn't been culturally relevant since Carrie Underwood won, amiright?

• Judy's just following his advice...they are all predators....biology...she's not good with public speaking.

• Shut up, Gazelle.

• Are 90% of mammals prey?

• Judy quitting makes the movie longer than it needs to be.

• This night howlers thing should have come up earlier...you know, cuz it's fiction. But maybe...the bag of "onions" stolen by the weasel...when Judy used the scientific name...was it the same? Obviously, I have not seen this movie enough.

• Disney references Disney...this is gonna be so dated.

• "They offered me what I couldn't refuse. Money."

• This is like a Breaking Bad reference, right?

• So for the fourth time in a row, so-and-so is revealed to have been the villain THE WHOLE TIME. I don't think it worked very well in Big Hero 6, but you know what? I like it here. SPOILERS: It's the mayor's sheep assistant Dawn Bellwether who set up the whole thing about turning predators into savages so she--a helpless prey--could be in charge.

Shortly before (or was it after?) my initial viewing of Zootopia, I read Antagony & Ecstasy's review and he pointed out:

Zootopia wants real bad to be a message movie, but all of its strengths lie in other directions, and the specifics of its world-building are exactly the wrong fit for making any kind of commentary on race in America. It's much, much better when it's metaphorically talking about gender - small prey mammals as women in a hostile male-dominated space, like Judy, or the mayor's sheep aide, Bellwether (Jenny Slate). In a shocking coincidence, this much more effective, intelligent, and narrative-justified thematic messaging is also the one that the film doesn't feel compelled to openly insert into dialogue.

I completely agree with this and it has colored my opinions of this movie. I see it as about gender and wish that was pushed a little more. Whenever Judy and Bellwether bond, I like it.

• Can't you just see this as a feminist rant?

• Twist ending! Can you dig it? Yes I can!

• But seriously, fuck this song.

Final Thoughts

I hate to get all "Final Thoughty" on a movie I've only seen twice...because it doesn't seem all that fair. My thoughts are good. Secret Villain Reveal-Part Quatre doesn't bother me here. The contemporary "touches" definitely do, however. This movie will not age well...but I suppose there are worse things. The kiddos won't mind. I mean, how well does that Arsenio Hall reference from Aladdin work today? The answer is: it doesn't. But it doesn't detract from my enjoyment today.

Zootopia's main asset is its lead characters. Judy and Nick feel very, for lack of a better word, human. They are dripping with personality. They are flawed and yet ever so likable. Both learn a lesson, both become more complete. And even though they are different species and it would seem "weird" anyway, I like that there is no forced romance between them. Men and women can be friends! And work partners! It is possible, kids!

And yes, I know it's not even an issue, but I also like that Judy--at this point in her life, at least--isn't wanting to reproduce. What? That's a big deal for a bunny!

Favorite Character

Judy Hopps

Favorite Moment -- Um...I'll have to get back to you on this one...
Favorite Song -- No. No, I will not put "Try Everything" here by default. Not happening.

Peter Pan (1953)

Directed by Clyde Geronimi, Wilfred Jackson, and Hamilton Luske
Written by Milt Banta, William Cottrell, Winston Hibler, Bill Peet, Erdman Penner, Joe Rinaldi, Ted Sears, and Ralph Wright. Based on the play Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie.
Premiered February 5, 1953
76 minutes
Rated G

Synopsis
In Edwardian London, pubescent Wendy Darling (Kathryn Beaumont) regales her younger brothers John (Paul Collins) and Michael (Tommy Luske) with stories of Peter Pan (Bobby Driscoll), a flying boy who never grows up, and his nemesis famed pirate Captain James Hook (Hans Conried). On the same night Wendy is banished from the nursery by her father (Hans Conried again), Peter and his pixie Tinkerbell come to the Darling house to get his shadow back, left behind while listening to Wendy's stories. Peter decides to take the Darling children to Neverland to show them a world where no one has to grow up. Meanwhile, Captain Hook is intent on capturing Peter so he can finally take revenge on the boy who cut off his hand and fed it to a crocodile.

Before We Begin
Peter Pan was the first Disney movie I ever owned. I know this because there is a picture of me gleefully holding the clamshell case on Christmas morning when I am but three years old. I loved Peter Pan. It was my first favorite Disney movie, until Beauty and the Beast superseded it not long after. As I got older, the princess movies took over in my heart, but I still thought of Peter Pan fondly. Then came 2003.

That was the year P.J. Hogan's live action true-to-the-play version was released. It was (and still is) better than the Disney version in every way possible. It came out when I was a hormonally raddled teen and to put it bluntly, it ruined Disney's version for me. This one is a mere cartoon, childish and shallow with not much (if anything?) to offer.

To be fair, I did not read any of the J.M. Barrie books until two years ago, so I will not slavishly be comparing and contrasting why this movie sucks for not including this or that. I'm also not going to play the "this could have been better if..." game I am so fond of, because if you want to know how it could have been better, just watch the 2003 version.

I sound harsh. Way harsh. Let's see if it's as mediocre as I remember...

Mötley Müsings
• I am feeling very indifferent. That's never good.

• It looks pretty good though.

• I wonder what the age difference between Mary and George Darling is. He scored big time.

• I like Wendy's nightgown.

• A dog as a nanny!? What!?

• Children are messy little shits, aren't they?

• "You old bilge rat."

• Chalk would fuck that shirt front up.

• "Captain Crook! Peter Pirate!"

• A room of her own? What an asshole father!

• "Poor Nana..."

• "You're really not a nurse at all." Um, YEAH! Get a real nurse.

• "He?" Mary's thinking "My daughter is fucking crazy."

• "Goodness gracious! Whatever shall we do!?"

• Tinkerbell...giving girls a complex about their hips since 1953.

• You know, this seems like it would be a great animated film but there's so much depth that gets lost.

• "Girls talk too much."

• "Get on with it, girl."
"My name is Wendy Moira Angela Darling."
"Wendy's enough." What a prick.

• That window is dangerously large. Kids would topple.

• Oh right. Let's jam the kiss thing in here.

• "My name is John."

• "She says you're a big ugly girl!" Disney's 14th Animated Feature: Girls Like Assholes.

• On our way to Neverland.

• "I've almost forgotten how to slit a throat."

• This Captain Hook is often among favorite villains lists...and I disagree. He's okay...and he has a couple great moments, but he's just too silly most of the time to be taken seriously.

• He did just kill someone in cold blood...for singing. Which speaks of psychopathy more than anything else.

• That bird is a hard sleeper

• "Some more of those scurvy brats." Just how many kids has he brought to Neverland?

• Here's the part where Tinkerbell tries to get Wendy killed by the Lost Boys...who are dressed in Furry pajamas for some reason.

• How is it an entire franchise has been built around this psychotically jealous twat pixie? People are all worried that Snow White, Cinderella and Aurora are negative influences, but at least they don't try to murder anyone. How is Tinkerbell a good influence? She's the most villainy of the non-villains. It's bullshit.

• Well, Peter banishing her is a start...

• "I shall try to be worthy of my post."

• "Injuns." "Quite savage, you know." UGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH.

• I cannot imagine the Lost Boys ever besting these Indians.

• "Didja miss me?"

• You're just encouraging him to be more of an asshole! STAHP!

• "And in her nightdress, too!"

• "We were only trying to drown her."

• "There is no path through water to the Happy Hunting Ground." See, when Hook is racist, it's okay because he's a villain and we're supposed to hate him.

• Comic gunplay.

• A rapier vs. a dagger?

• Ugh. I can't believe I ever liked a preteen boy. They're such assholes.

• "A jealous female can be tricked into anything."

• This "What Makes the Red Man Red?" part is just...sigh...a product of its time.

• "Good! This should be most enlightening." No, John. No.

• How come Tiger Lily gets to dance and Wendy has to fetch firewood?

• You tell her, Wendy.

• This is Hook at his best--manipulative gentleman.

• "...tossing her aside, LIKE AN OLD GLOVE."

• "It's that Wendy who's to blame!"

• "Take this down, Smee."

• "Big Chief greets Little Mother. HOW!" "Ugh." Ugh, indeed.

• "Everyone else thinks I'm wonderful." Everyone else is an asshat.

• "I had a white rat!"

• Who would want to come back?

• Tinkerbell tries to redeem herself...and Peter realizes how important she is to him...but it's all too little too late.

• Wendy, I understand your proper British girlness doesn't include piracy, but don't choose death.

•...and Tinkerbell survived a bomb going off. K.

• So why does Peter choose not to fly during this fight? Honor or something? That's a laugh.

• "Tinkerbell and the mermaids!" WHO TRIED TO KILL YOU, DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

• "Mary, I'm going to bed."

Final Thoughts

Man...I hate to do this.

So I watched this movie in two parts because that's how I had the time to do it and I was not in any rush to finish it, either. It was then that I realized I was not On the Fence and my feelings were far too negative to even feel Meh. So I have relegated Disney's Peter Pan to Something Amiss.

I never thought I'd see the day. But if I'm being perfectly honest, that's where it belongs. Even if I pretend Peter Pan 2003 doesn't exist, Disney's version is still so childish. The "family film" of the 1950s is going to be far more innocent than the "family film" of the 21st century--I get that--but even using those standards, it's still pretty Playskool.

Oh yeah. And Peter is an asshole. When one of the movie's main characters is so unlikable, it doesn't make for a very "fun" viewing experience. And while Wendy can be charming on her own and has much potential, you become frustrated with her misguided and dogged adoration of Peter. Thank goodness she goes back to London in the end.

As flawed as this version is, "Peter Pan" as a story--with its various characters and set pieces--is a creative masterpiece. Disney doesn't stray too far from the source material which helps this movie stay out of the Bottom of the Barrel. Plus, it looks good, there are a few quality moments, and there's that Nostalgia Factor I can't entirely shake.

The main problem with Disney's Peter Pan? I grew up.

Favorite Character

John Darling

Favorite Moment -- Captain Hook's manipulation of Tinkerbell.
Favorite Song -- "The Second Star to the Right"

One Hundred and One Dalmatians (1961)

Directed by Wolfgang Reitherman, Hamilton Luske and Clyde Geronimi
Written by Bill Peet. Based on The Hundred and One Dalmatians by Dodie Smith.
Premiered January 25, 1961
79 minutes
Rated G

Synopsis
Dalmatian Pongo (Rod Taylor) wants his bachelor songwriter "pet" Roger (Ben Wright) to get married and settle down. On a walk, Pongo sees a lovely woman named Anita (Lisa Davis) and her Dalmatian Perdita (Cate Bauer) and orchestrates a meeting. Romance blossoms and Roger and Anita marry while a litter of puppies soon follows Pongo and Perdita's union. However, trouble begins when Anita's insane school friend Cruella de Vil (Betty Lou Gerson) decides she wants the puppies for herself. Not trusting Cruella's intentions (which secretly are to make a Dalmatian skin coat), Roger refuses to sell the puppies which leads to their eventual kidnapping. When the humans fail to convict Cruella, Pongo and Perdita set out to find their children.

Before We Begin
The big story here is that Disney developed a new animation technique to cope with the millions upon millions of Dalmatian spots in this movie. It's called xerography and it's the thing that makes the 60s, 70s, and 80s DAFs look different from the ones in the 30s, 40s, and 50s. Basically, animation frames were Xeroxed to save time and the animator's wrists. This left pencils marks on the cells, which gives everything a "scratchy" quality.

And here's what I think about that:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I was never a huge fan of One Hundred and One Dalmatians. And I'm pretty sure it's because it's a dog movie and I'm not a dog person. (Team Cat all the way.) There's also that old chestnut...no princesses. And now...well...I truly am On the Fence because I recognize the good but get hung up on the not so good.

Mötley Müsings
• This is the first DAF obviously set in the present--if you neglect all of the package films, which I certainly choose to do. You can't tell with Bambi. (That movie could have taken place yesterday, although there'd probably be a bunch of Keystone Light cans next to the fire pit.) And Dumbo...well, fine, Dumbo is probably set in the 1940s. But in this there are cars! And magazines! And television!

• "It was a beautiful spring day...a tedious time of year for bachelors."

• I love this part! Humans looking like their dogs!

• "A little too short coupled....NOPE."

• Anita is very pretty.

• Why isn't pipe smoking cool? I mean, if you're going to smoke...a pipe is dignified.

• "He's settled down on the grass and puff his pipe and that'd be it."

• Perdita checking out Pongo.

• This is awesome. I mean really.

• Wow...I wonder how long they dated before getting married.

• "Just right for two couples who were just starting out..."

• My first complaint: Nanny. Why do they need a maid? There are only two of them. And it doesn't look like Anita has a job!

• Oh, they're cute.

• All right. Here comes Cruella. "Your dear and devoted old schoolmate."

What?

1. Anita, at the most, has got to be around 30. Cruella is a corpse. How did they go to school at the same time?
2. These women seem like they would have run in separate social circles even if they attended school at the same time.
3. But even if they were friends then, why are they still acquainted now?
4. And how are they so well acquainted? Cruella knows where Anita lives? That she was recently married? That she has a pregnant Dalmatian? This film takes place well before Facebook allowed us to send the personal details of our lives out into the abyss.


• "Anita, you're such a wit."

• "Here, dog, here."

• This is pretty bleak...dead puppy, but rubbing it will do the trick. Sure.

• And here's Cruella again...out of nowhere.

• "You can't possibly afford to keep them." TRUE.

• "BLAST THIS WRETCHED, WRETCHED PEN!"

• "Anita, we're through..." Yeah...what were they before?

• REMEMBER WHAT I SAID ABOUT WESTERNS BE UBIQUITOUS ON TV??? I didn't know that was the case on British TV.

• "No dog's better than Dad."

• Kittens are way cuter than puppies.

• Why do the puppies have American accents?

• TV...bringing the family together for 65 years.

• Yikes! Jasper's fingernails!

• Nanny is brave for taking them on.

• Hmmm...I wonder you put them up to this...

• Look at Cruella's nostrils! And her pale complexion and wraith like figure! She's clearly a cokehead.

• "Is she calling to confess?"

• You know...I don't like barking.

• There's Jock and Peg from Lady and the Tramp.

• Heh. The poodle's name is Coco.

• And that looks suspiciously like Trusty...

• Disney horses are always awesome.

• They call him Sergeant Tibbs!

• I like the Colonel's design.

• This Twilight Bark thing just keeps going doesn't it?

• "Fiddle faddle and rot, sir."

• In goes Tibbs, the unsung hero of this movie.

• Hell Hall. Awesome.

• "They're over there by the TV."

• This movie has a lot of drinking and smoking.

• Tapping the ash into the naked sandwich. (That sounds far dirtier than it is, I promise.)

• Still lotsa barking. Pongo and Perdita set out.

• BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

• Killing 99 puppies would take a long time. :-/

• What's My Crime? is hilarious. Nice ticking clock.

• All right. Once the puppies exit Hell Hall it's just dull for me.

• I like that Pongo and Perdita are both searching for the puppies. #feministdisney

• "She's a devil...a witch." Come on, Perdita. You can do better than that.

• Oh, joy. Slapstick.

• "My toes are froze."

• This collie is majestic.

• Can dogs drink cow's milk? Blecch.

• Rolling in the soot...this was actually from the book.

• "Crazy woman driver."

• And then what happens to Cruella? It's not like the dogs can say it was her. No justice?

• Hey. It's Christmastime. Sure.

• This is insane. You cannot have that many dogs, even if you have a huge estate. How do you keep them all straight? How do you keep them from breeding with each other? And to think, this whole thing could have been avoided if they just had Pongo and Perdita fixed.

Final Thoughts

Hey, I like One Hundred and One Dalmatians just fine. If I ignore the absurdity of Cruella and Anita knowing each other past high school. Which is hard for me to do. Perhaps if these women lived in a small town, where everybody knows everybody's business, instead of one of the world's largest cities, I could buy it. The live action remake from 1996 (yeah, it's not a new thing) has Anita as Cruella's employee which works. It explains why Cruella would know things about Anita and why Anita would be respectful and indulgent towards Cruella. But whatever. Character development wasn't as important to Disney back then. (And then the film might be more about Cruella's Regina George-esque tyranny over Anita and how it affects her marriage...which would be an interesting film, probably, but no good for kids.)

As for the rest of it...yeah. Just fine. I don't dread it, but I won't pick this one off the shelf when I'm craving Disney on a rainy afternoon.

(One last thought: I appreciate that Roger and Anita are portrayed as a child-free couple. I'm aware they're newlyweds, but there isn't any sort of "When we have a litter of our own..." type of comments. Their hands will be plenty full with the 101 dogs. And if that's what they want, good for them. It's also nice to see a Disney couple past the wedding day.)

Favorite Character

Sgt. Tibbs

Favorite Moment -- Pongo looks for prospective mates for Roger and himself.
Favorite Song -- "Kanine Krunchies"

Robin Hood (1973)

Directed by Wolfgang Reitherman
Written by Larry Clemmons, Ken Anderson, Vance Gerry, Frank Thomas, Eric Cleworth, Julius Svendsen, and David Michener. Based on the English legend of Robin Hood.
Premiered November 8, 1973
83minutes
Rated G

Synopsis
In 12th century England, King Richard the Lionheart is off fighting in the Crusades and has left his greedy younger brother Prince John (Peter Ustinov) in charge. While he taxes the poor residents of Nottingham--governed by the cruel Sheriff (Pat Buttram)--and Sherwood Forest, outlaw fox and skilled archer Robin Hood (Brian Bedford) and his best friend Little John (Phil Harris) rob from the rich to feed the poor. Prince John is reasonably frustrated and decides to hold an archery contest to trap Robin Hood and uses his ward Maid Marian (Monica Evans), Robin's childhood sweetheart, as bait.

Before We Begin
You know how there's that chick at school who always does her makeup, styles her hair, and wears cute clothes? And then one day she shows up to class with a bare face, a messy bun and yoga pants and you're like "Man...I'll bet she's going through some shit..." Well, Robin Hood is the Disney Animated Feature version of that.

Walt had been gone for seven years by the time Robin Hood came out and the Disney company was making most of their money from theme parks and their live action flicks. The animation department--which was once upon a time the heart and soul of the company--was the unattractive spinster nobody wanted to dance with. But out of tradition or guilt or something, they kept it going. Robin Hood? Sure! It's a classic story (or premise, rather) that everyone knows! But let's make the characters animals! That's fun and child friendly, right? Right! Yayyyyyyyyyyy!

Mötley Müsings
• Oh, this is going to be so relaxing!

• Ah...the book. I love the book.

• "You know there's been a heap of legends and tall tales about Robin Hood, all different too. Well, we folks in the animal kingdom have our own version. It's the story of what really happened at Sherwood Forest." Sure. Why not?

• Anyone remember "The Hamster Dance"? It's from this movie.

• Opening credits to pad this thing out. Reused animation that we haven't seen yet.

• "Take a look at your hat. That's not a candle on a cake."

• "Rob? That's a naughty word. Tsk, tsk, tsk. We never rob."

• Sir Hiss is basically Smithers. YESSSSSSSS.

• "This crown gives me a feeling of power! Power! Forgive me a cruel chuckle. Heh-heh-heh. Power."

• Our heroes in drag! Blue eye shadow! #1970s

• "Female bandits? What next?"

• This is pretty fucking ballsy. Robbing the king prince.

• Let's do this: King Henry II had five sons--William, Henry, Geoffrey, Richard, and Baby John. By the time Henry II kicked the bucket, his three eldest sons had as well leaving Richard the king. However, Richard disliked England and preferred to live in France (where his mommy, Eleanor of Aquitaine, was from). So even though Richard was king, he decided he wanted to fight in the crusades and Eleanor was all "why don't you leave John in charge while you're away?" And he's like "Okay." John pretty much did what he wanted and tried to take over England, but when Richard got back, he forgave him and made John his heir because he didn't have any legitimate heirs. The people of England were thrilled.

• I thought that crystal ball was way cool when I was a kid.

• Of course your name will go down in history, John, you're one of Henry II's sons.

• "Solid gold hubcaps."

• Like they would carry around the treasury like that.

• HOW THE HELL DID ROBIN GET JOHN'S ROYAL ROBES? WHAT!?

• John's mommy issues...whoa...

• You know what would be fucking awesome? A western version of Robin Hood. Instead of a skilled archer, Robin could be a sharpshooter. Sheriff of Nottingham. Maid Marian could be a school marm. Prince John could be like an evil mayor. Friar Tuck is like a preacher...It writes itself. How has this not been done? I mean, there's a Ratpack version!

I wasn't kidding.

• Bunny rabbits!

• "One whole farthing!" Sounds like a lot of money c. 12th century England. (It's a 1/4 of a penny, btw.)

• The main boy bunny--Skippy--looks a lot like Rabbit from the Winnie the Pooh shorts. AND HIS FATHER IS MISSING! #disneyconspiracytheories

• "Yes, mine yo mannows."

• "If I tattle tale, I'll die til I'm dead." Toby the Turtle is Milhouse.

• Maid Marian's gown looks like a 70s bridesmaid dress. Nice.

• "What a bonny wee bunny."

• Lady Kluck is a HUGE chicken.

• What's the deal with Maid Marian? I ask this concerning every version of Robin Hood. She's like Prince John's ward, but how and why? They never explain this. Robin Hood just needs a girlfriend.

• So...Robin Hood and Maid Marian were childhood sweethearts. And somehow Robin was allowed into Prince John's "back yard" and carved his and her initials in a tree. Then she left for London. Now she's back. And somehow

• "Do you have any kids? My mom has a lot of kids."

• "Your uncle King Richard--" WHAT? A LION IS HER UNCLE? SHE'S A FOX. WHAT?

• "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
"Or forgetful."

• But no, Robin hasn't forgotten Marian. He happens to be dreaming of her right now. Because...he heard she's back from London?

• "You're burning the chow!"

• "What do I have to offer her?"
"Well, for one thing, you can't cook."

• Archery contest? It's a trap!

• Robin Hood's disguise is pretty damn good.

• And Little John's Sir Reginald, Duke of Chutney is an inspiration. Even if his costume is from the 16th century.

• "P.J.!"

• Helium balloons?

• "Yay, Dad!"

• "I suspect you favor the gangly youth."

• At least he wasn't naked underneath.

• "My dear, emotional lady, why should I?"

• Chase scene. Fighting....

• Mmmm...blackberry pie...

• I always want Little John and Maid Marian's lady-in-waiting to get together...

• Yay! Now it's time for the Academy Award nominated "Love"...This looks so beautiful. And this flower ring with the firefly!

• "The Phony King of England" ...but John did eventually become king because Richard didn't sire any legitimate heirs.

• "Too late to be known as John the First/He's sure to be known as John the Worst"...well, he was (and is) the only King John of England

• So much recycled animation...

• "Old Rob'll snatch his underwear..."

• Here's one of the most melancholy Disney songs..."Not in Nottingham."

• The Sherman Brothers were the go-to songwriters for DAFs in the 60s, but for some reason (????) they branched out in the 70s. In 1973, Hanna-Barbera's Charlotte's Web came out with songs penned by the Sherman Brothers. And I think it's their best work. Yep. I said it.

• I used to think the cookie crumbs the mice eat was from one of those Little Debbie oatmeal cream cookies. #childlogic

• The mouse bed is a shoe. Adorable.

• "THAT'S THE POOR BOX!"

• "GET OUTTA MY CHURCH!"

• Damn...Friar Tuck has blown a gasket.

• Money still doesn't make Prince John happy...because he ain't got no respect.

• My fiancé just walked in and said "I know this...it's The Emperor's New Clothes." No, Babe. :-)

• Hang Friar Tuck? It's another trap!

• I'm not gonna lie: when they start the "jailbreak/heist" portion of this movie I completely check out...

• Ha! Hiss sleeps in a cradle.

• "Praise the Lord and pass the tax rebate!"

• Robin, man, just let him keep that last bag of gold. Is it worth it?

• They're shooting arrows at that little baby bunny!

• If they made this movie today, Marian would be in on it and helping with the exodus ala Eowyn.

• "He's just gotta make it!"

• "Now, look what you've done to your mother's castle."

• And King Richard returned and straightened everything out....meaning he put John to work in a rock quarry. No. If anything, he'd be put in the Tower or something.

• Cinderella wedding music.

• Why is Little John dressed like Sir Reginald again?

Final Thoughts
Oo-de-lally. I don't think I could have picked a better movie to follow my review of The Princess and the Frog. I had so much (too much?) to say about that movie and now I have Robin Hood...which is easily the crappiest Disney animated feature ever made. Now "crappy" doesn't mean, "not entertaining", it is literally just not very well made. It is lazy. It is a lazily told story that lazily reuses animation. But I obviously like it well enough if it's in my On the Fence category and not lower.

I mean, there's some funny moments and the voice work is great. I like the songs because I like 70s music. And that's about it. I'm not saying it deserves to be on any Greatest Animated Movies lists (Oh God, no.) I like it, but I know it's weak.

I shunned The Sword in the Stone for not doing more with Arthurian legend, so why am I not doing to the same for Robin Hood? Um...nostalgia? Yep. Nostalgia. I'm gonna go with that because I can't think of any better excuse. My grandma owned Robin Hood on VHS, so it was an oft watched DAF growing up. When you're seven, what's not to like? So yes, let's all blame nostalgia for my giving Robin Hood a passing grade when it doesn't deserve it.

Favorite Character

Prince John

Favorite Moment -- Robin and Marian walking around to "Love".
Favorite Song -- "Love" performed by Nancy Adams

The Princess and the Frog (2009)

Directed by Ron Clements and John Musker
Written by Ron Clements, John Musker, and Rob Edwards. Based on The Frog Princess by E.D. Baker and The Frog Prince by the Brothers Grimm.
Premiered November 25, 2009
97 minutes
Rated G

Synopsis
Once upon a time (the 1920s) in a far away land (New Orleans) there lived a young woman named Tiana (Anika Noni Rose) who wanted very much to own her own restaurant. So she worked several waitressing jobs and cooked for sugar baron Eli "Big Daddy" La Bouff (John Goodman) and his spoiled debutante daughter Charlotte (Jennifer Cody). Meanwhile, Prince Naveen of Maldonia (Bruno Campos) has been cut off by his parents, decides to find a rich girl to marry and Charlotte is the perfect candidate. However wicked voodoo man Dr. Facilier (Keith David) is also interested in Big Daddy's fortune so he tricks Naveen, turning him into a frog and makes his valet Lawrence (Peter Bartlett) look like Naveen. At the La Bouff's annual costume party, Naveen mistakes Tiana for a princess and requests a kiss to turn him back to normal. However, the kiss instead turns Tiana into a frog herself. The pair, along with wannabe jazz musician alligator Louis (Michael-Leon Wooley) and Cajun firefly Ray (Jim Cummings), set out to find Mama Odie (Jenifer Lewis) who they believe can reverse the spell.

Before We Begin--Part 1
You may have noticed my avatar is that of a brunette white girl, which is a close enough approximation to my coloring in real life. I was raised in a very undiverse part of the country and my ridiculously small town consisted of only white people. In fact, I did not have a full on conversation with a black person until college because I didn't have the opportunity. Up until that point, my exposure to African-American culture was strictly through what I saw on TV and in movies and what I heard on the radio.

I make this statement only because I feel that I am not qualified to talk about The Princess and the Frog's handling of race. Is the movie racially insensitive? I am not the person to ask. But my opinion is: I don't think so.

Before We Begin--Part 2
I was reasonably upset back in 2003 when Disney announced they were giving their 2D animation wing the old heave-ho. How could it be? I mean, I know things had been rough...those sci-fi flicks sucked, but maybe, maybe if they just returned to form--say with a fairy tale--everything would be all right. It was a classic case of throwing the baby out with the bath water.

But a mere three years later, John Lasseter became the Chief Executive Officer of Disney and decided to go find that baby in whatever landfill it ended up in and give it a new bath. And not only was he going to bring back 2D animation, he was going to do it with a big bright musical fairy tale love story--the type of movie that started Disney feature animation, brought it back after World War II, and revived it once again after the dark Post-Walt era.

There was much rejoicing.

The fairy tale chosen was "The Frog Prince", a Brothers Grimm tale about a spoiled, selfish princess who eventually kisses a frog who turns out to be a prince. I'm certain an 80 minute animated feature could be made out of that, but Disney thought differently, so they mixed in some stuff about the princess turning into a frog too. Then they set it in 1920s, New Orleans and then they made the heroine African-American.

Do I think Disney decided to create an African-American princess so all the little black girls could actually look like a real Disney princess for Halloween? Yes. Yes I do. Please don't misunderstand me: I am not saying there shouldn't be a black Disney princess. There should. There should be one for every race, but it should come about organically. Unfortunately, by the time Tiana came to be, Disney Princesses were a thing.

"Are you white? Well, what color hair do you have? Brown? Well, you can be Belle! Red? Ariel! Black? Snow White! Blonde!? Why, you can choose between Cinderella and Aurora! Oh, you're not white? Well that's okay too, as long as you're Asian, Middle Eastern, or Native American. Oh...you're black? Well...um...I'll get back to you on that."

It felt very forced, is what I'm saying. And perhaps if The Princess and the Frog were a better movie, it still wouldn't feel that way.

Before We Begin--Part 3
To put it delicately, I was not in a very good mood when I first saw The Princess and the Frog. I viewed the movie through bitter and cynical eyes, much like how Ron Weasley saw the world when he was wearing Salazar Slytherin's locket. And then every time I would think about or watch this movie (which was exceedingly rare), I would get a bad taste in my mouth. That time has past and I am excited to watch The Princess and the Frog again, free of bullshit. That being said, I remember a lot of flaws, but it's important for you to know my negative comments are not coming from an emotional place.

Mötley Müsings
• Our first princess movie! Sort of... All right, so the title is completely misleading. Tiana isn't a princess until (spoilers, but not really, because come on, it's a Disney fairy tale) she marries Prince Naveen. Frankly, the movie should have been called 'The Frog Prince", but I guess "Prince" isn't as marketable a word.

• Guess who gets to watch this on her laptop????

• I am genuinely excited. This feels awesome!

• Wishing on stars... #disneymotif

• I mean, Oprah is in this...that says it all, I think.

• Kitty!

• Charlotte looks so much younger than Tiana, but I think they're supposed to be the same age.

• All right...there was a lot of controversy about Tiana's name. Originally she was named "Maddy" which was deemed inappropriate because it sounded like "Mammy". I call bullshit on that. Maddy, as we know it, is a nickname for Madison, possibly the whitest baby name ever. "Tiana", on the other hand, didn't even show up on the Social Security Administration's list of most popular names until the 1970s...and it sounds a lot like Tiara...which sounds trashy. (Yes, call me up anytime. I will harshly judge your baby name.) "Mattie", however, was a very popular name in the 1900s when our heroine was born. It would have been more accurate.

• Wow, look at all those dresses! Different eras and everything!

• Tiana's dress doesn't look very 1910s. More 1950s.

• And that menu has inaccurate hair if this is supposed to be the 1910s...but I know they call back to it in the "present". Grumble, grumble.

• Heh. Nice frog bit.

• Oh no. Randy Newman. I don't care for Randy Newman. Up until this movie, he had one good song--"When Somebody Loved Me" from Toy Story 2--so I was dreading this soundtrack. I was surprised to not hate any of the song. Some are even good and the others don't grind on me as I expected.

• So here's the thing about the United States...we don't have a tradition of "magic" and "myths" the way European countries do. Nor do we have royalty. This makes the U.S. a rather unromantic setting which is why most Disney movies set in America are also set in the present day. (There are exceptions, but I will discuss those when we get to them.) The United States feels like an "unnatural" setting for a fairy tale.

However, voodoo (at least Hollywood's interpretation) is a great American stand-in for magic and if Disney was hell bent on having a black princess, this was the way it could work. (Or, you know, they could have set the movie in one of the thousands of other places a black princess might live besides the U.S.) But it works. Evil voodoo witch doctor turns prince into frog for...reasons...is a believable set up for a fairy tale. (Do the Brothers Grimm ever explain why the prince was turned into a frog? Revenge against the parents or something?)

BUT, a prince in America? How does that work? Well...he would have to be just visiting. Okay. Fine. But the world was short on princes in the 1920s, so Disney invented a country--Maldonia. This bugs me. You have a real city in a real country in an identifiable time period (the 1920s), but you have a prince coming from a fake country. That doesn't work somehow. At least not for me.

But Disney had their hearts set on "The Frog Prince/Princess" which requires not one but two royal persons. That's a lot of jerry-rigging, as we'll see...

• I like that Tiana and Naveen have that little meeting.

• Mmmmmmm. I had beignets in Disneyland before The Princess and the Frog came out.

• Charlotte is entertaining. And I really like that she and Tiana don't have a toxic relationship ala Mean Girls or Cinderella and her stepsisters. That would be too easy.

• And for some reason I like that Tiana's hair isn't bobbed. I know it's because she will be a princes and princesses always have long hair...except Snow White. Hmmm...well, that's the 1930s for you. Don't like her winged eyeliner though.

• “Almost There” is the best song. And this change of animation style is nice.

• Naveen is pretty dreamy. There was a lot of discussion about his race. It was made clear that he wasn't black which pissed a lot of people off. It bothers me more that we don't know where the hell he's from.

• Head in tuba...Beauty and the Beast. #disneymotifs

• Exposition via tarot cards. Yes.

• “Freedom takes green...when I look into the future, it's the green I see.”

• Fat wife jokes, Disney? Still?

• Costume ball!

• Ha! That dog is still alive.

• “When a woman says later, what she really means is not ever.” I feel like we have a missed opportunity with Charlotte...she isn't black-hearted, just spoiled and misguided. She could benefit from learning to love a "prince in disguise".

• The waist line on Charlotte's dress is very 1920s. :-)

• Damn, that is one ugly peasant dress, Tiana. Even Cinderella had a little blue.

• “Little woman of your background...you're better off where you're at.” It's rated G. This is good enough.

• Old fashion mascara with brush! #historicallyaccurate

• Charlotte's dress is a costume so it can look ridiculous and innaccurate, but Tiana's Cinderella blue strapless number is so 2000s prom. Strapless wasn't a thing until the 40s...at least?

• "Well, back into the fray. Wish me luck!"

• “Kissing would be nice, yes?”

• “All women enjoy the kiss of Prince Naveen.”

• “That's new.”

• So...he's paying her to kiss him...uhhhhhhhhhhhh I can think of another way she could have made money for her restaurant.

• So, for two thirds of the movie, Tiana is in frog form.

• The idea of Naveen marrying a wealthy American heiress is rooted in history; a lot of British noblemen did this very thing in the years leading up to World War II.

• Is this the first eventual Disney couple to dislike each other at first? I mean, Naveen wants Tiana because she's a live, attractive female...but he doesn't like her until later. I guess you could say the same about the Beast...he just wanted someone to break the spell...but it's not like he thought Belle was boring for reading too much...not that he even knew anything about her.

• She can build a raft? Damn.

• Naveen is right, Tiana isn't "fun", but you have to respect her. She works hard. She gets shit done. And if you were a black female in the 1920s, I doubt "fun" was on the menu.

• Louis's cutaway! “It didn't end well.”

• “She is Tiana the waitress...do not kiss her.”

• This song is fine...but not necessary.

• Hmmmm...if they had made Lawrence not so dumpy and silly and old, they could have worked in something between him and Charlotte. Secondary romance, Shakespeare style. Lottie could learn that "prince" is just a title and doesn't equal a good man or good husband. Lawrence could learn that he is wonderful just the way he is, without a title. But I guess they subverted that "Prince and the Pauper" thing...that's refreshing in its own way. And we are pressed for time as it is.

• Tongue-tied. Gnarly.

• “You know what this needs? A sharp stick!”

• Ray...uh...well...he grows on you...

• All right...this song is also unnecessary.

• Creepy shadow ghosts threaten this G rating.

• Uh oh. Hillbillies. Of all the possible minorities this movie could insult, it does its worst with these inbred Deliverance motherfuckers.

• “Pa! Did you hear that suspicious thud?”

• “You are secretly funny.”

• When and where has Louis eaten all these fancy foods? Bananas foster?

• This is a perfect representation of me cooking.

• “If I can mince, you can dance.”

• Ew...Mama Odie is kissing her snake.

• Tabasco. Product placement?

• The songs are short enough to not bug you.

• Naveen has had a change of heart but Tiana still needs work.

• “...Big Daddy's King of the Mardi Gras parade so that makes Lottie...a princess.”
“Does that count?”
Yes...because the movie requires it.

• A midnight deadline. #disneymotifs

• Naveen changed fast.

• “Thank you, Beau.” heh.

• It gets very whiplash here: Naveen wants to propose to Tiana, but knowing how badly she wants her restaurant, he decides he will marry Charlotte and make good on his original deal. But then Ray tells Tiana about Naveen's plan and Tiana wants to stop him. THEN she sees Lawrence-as-Naveen about to marry Charlotte and she gets all bitter. Ray sets out to prove that something fishy is going on and discovers Dr. Facilier's blood amulet thingy.

• Someone posing as another at a wedding. #disneymotifs

• I totally did not think Ray was going to die...

• “Come on, Tiana...you're almost there.”

• Fuck, creepy voodoo dolls playing the drums.

• Crying.

• "All my life, I read about true love and fairytales, and... Tia, you found it!" More crying.

• “Congratulations!”

• And they're back to humans.

• I love Tiana's lilypad dress....my wedding dress is going to be green too! But not strapless. I cannot wait for that trend to die. I had hoped Kate Middleton's sleeved dress would have the effect on bridal fashion that Princess Di's did...but I was wrong.

• And she gets two wedding dresses because that swamp wedding wasn't legal.

• So even though they're royalty, they still run a restaurant. I guess they have to do something while they wait for Naveen's dad to kick the bucket. Or I guess he could abdicate like Edward VIII of England...I mean, Naveen's parents seem more accepting of Tiana than the Windsors were of Wallis Simpson.

• And she didn't bob her hair!

• I love this song. Best superfluous end credits song ever.

• Seriously...this is me at the end of this movie:

Final Thoughts
When I sit down to write these "reviews", I fill in all the stats, write the synopsis, write the Before We Begin section and THEN I watch the movie. Even with my new, positive attitude, I was still quite skeptical about much of The Princess and the Frog. And even though the things that have always bugged me about this movie still sort of bugged me, it was to a much lesser degree. I am absolutely relieved to like this movie. It will be bumped up to the Fondness category, FYI.

To paraphrase myself, I said that Disney just wanted a black princess, which was all well and good, but said Black Princess deserved a better movie than The Princess and the Frog. I take that back. The Princess and the Frog is a perfectly acceptable vehicle for a black princess. The movie, however, deserved a better princess than Tiana.

Now, Tiana is attractively designed and well-performed by Anika-Noni Rose. But it's her personality that is...well, unsatisfying.

Tiana is a hard worker. She has a dream and she puts all of her energy into achieving that dream. To that I say "You go, girl!" But...that's kind of all there is to her. Hard working, determined, to a fault. True, she has a great relationship with her mother and she has those friends who want her to go dancing, and the La Bouffs seems to genuinely like her too. You have no reason to dislike Tiana. However, you have every right to get bored with her.

Tiana's struggles are all external: she wants to own a restaurant, but being a black woman in the 1920s American south makes that difficult...to say the least. That's a pretty big conflict and one that will be a doozy to resolve realistically. It would be easy--and understandable--if Tiana lashed out at the system at this point. But she doesn't do that. She doesn't even have much time to mope before she kisses Naveen and her adventure begins.

What I'm saying is...Tiana is so well put together, so confident, so strong and self-assured that there is not much room for growth. We should all aspire to be like Tiana in real life. But it doesn't make for a very interesting character arc. On the other hand, we have Naveen, who has an important, albeit clichéd lesson to learn: money doesn't bring happiness, money can't buy you love. He needs to be brought down a peg or two. Being turned into a frog is a humbling experience. Realizing there are people in this world that haven't lived a privileged life and learning to respect Tiana for being his opposite is all pure Disney gold.

There is nothing wrong with Tiana.

The movie, however, tries to make there be something wrong with her--she's losing sight of what really matters: love. Um...yeah...I'm aware this movie is set in the 1920s when women were still expected to have a career as a wife and mother but we are viewing this in the 21st century when we need to show girls that having a career--if that's what they want--can be the most fulfilling part of your life. And there's nothing wrong with that. Tiana shows absolutely no interest in romance, which is great for all those little girls who want to take a different path.

But when Disney says "What about love? Don't you want someone to care about you?", it's sending a mixed message. "Be independent! Live your dream! But don't forget, life isn't worth living if you don't have a boyfriend..." Now, if Tiana already had a boyfriend or she was neglecting her mother, then we could wag our fingers at her and say "get your priorities in order, if you want to be in a relationship, you need to make some sacrifices, compromise, etc."...But her mom seems fine and there is no boyfriend. There is no problem.

...Except that she's a little too mature for a Disney heroine who has something to learn about life. Some of my favorite Tiana moments are when she is showing her rather silly weakness of being grossed out by frogs. It's when she's most relatable.

BUT the good news is, Tiana's dream is fulfilled AND she gets a man. Romance is a bonus, not the end all and be all as it was with Snow White. That's pretty progressive. Naveen loves Tiana and wants her to be happy which is why he "conforms" to her life plan instead of saying, "well, you're a princess now. Time to fulfill your royal duty and pop out an heir." Again, this is why the royalty angle doesn't work here--even in the modern day, princesses are expected to have babies, not jobs. Do you think Kate Middleton could run a chip shop if she fancied? Hell no. Even the spouse of the President of the United States is expected to devote all there time to government business. I have my doubts about Tiana and Naveen's happily ever after.

Whew! I'm getting tired and I have other movies to watch today, so let me conclude. There was a lot of hype surrounding The Princess and the Frog and it was just never going to live up to my high and mighty raised-in-the-Disney-Renaissance expectations. I admit folly. Mea culpa, mea culpa. But it is a new era and I can appreciate this movie for what it is--a dazzling musical fairy tale that makes me happy.

Favorite Character

Charlotte La Bouff

Favorite Moment -- Dr. Facilier shows Tiana her possible future.
Favorite Song -- "Never Knew I Needed" performed by Ne-Yo

The Rescuers Down Under (1990)

Directed by Hendel Butoy and Mike Gabriel
Written by Jim Cox, Karey Kirkpatrick, Byron Simpson, and Joe Ranft. Based on The Rescuers and Miss Bianca by Margery Sharp
Premiered November 16, 1990
77 minutes
Rated G

Synopsis
In the Australian outback, a young boy named Cody (Adam Ryen) rescues and befriends a majestic giant eagle named Marahute from a trap set by evil poacher Percival C. McLeach (George C. Scott). When Cody himself is captured by McLeach, word gets out to the Rescue Aid Society, an international group of mice who help people (mostly children, it seems) in distress. Top agents--glamourous Hungarian Miss Bianca (Eva Gabor) and her neurotic American boyfriend Bernard (Bob Newhart)--are put on the case. They fly to Australia on the back of albatross Wilbur (John Candy) and are aided by dashing kangaroo rat Jake (Tristan Rogers), who flirts mercilessly with Bianca despite Bernard's several attempts to pop the question.

Before We Begin
Although the dark days of the Disney direct-to-video sequel/prequel/midquel/spin-off is behind us (thank you, John Lasseter), let's travel back to a time when the idea of a Disney sequel was a novel idea...the 1980s. At this point in time, Disney finally decided to produce a sequel to one of their beloved family classics. But which one? Certainly not Snow White, Cinderella, or Sleeping Beauty; those heroines were off living happily ever after. To disrupt their fairy tale endings would be a travesty.

What about Pinocchio, Dumbo, and Bambi? Real boy, reunited with his mother, Prince of the Forest. All coming of age stories. Once the age had come, a sequel would have to follow these three into adulthood and fatherhood and no one wanted to see that, apparently. Lady and the Tramp, 101 Dalmatians, The Aristocats, The Fox and the Hound: All would have to be stories concerning the protagonist's children...which wasn't yet an idea on Disney's radar.

Fantasia, by the 1980s had come to be respected, but I believe the folks at Disney were not feeling all that ambitious about arty shorts set to classical music. Kids wanted their MTV, after all.

Obviously Alice in Wonderland has its own sequel and one of the Peter Pan books has an epilogue where Wendy's daughter goes to Neverland...which Disney eventually used. Perhaps they thought Alice was too out there? Or they used all the good bits in the first movie? Dunno.

The Black Cauldron: HUGE box office disappointment. A sequel wouldn't be the best idea, would it?

The Sword in the Stone: Wart's wife cheats on him with his best friend and he's killed by his bastard son/nephew while his kingdom crumbles.

The Jungle Book: Mowgli becomes a civilized young man, loses the the loincloth and never returns to the jungle.

Robin Hood: King Richard "returns to the throne" and Robin marries Maid Marian. Taxes are lowered, Robin gets to having those dozen kids.

So what does that leave? The Rescuers and The Great Mouse Detective, both adventures about mission bound mouse duos, both easily tailored for sequels. In fact, the two movies end with the protagonists leaving on "another rescue mission/mystery". But The Rescuers had the financial edge over The Great Mouse Detective's mediocre box office draw that will, unfortunately, forever remain in the shadow of Don Bluth's An American Tail.

Despite there being nine books in The Rescuers series by Margery Sharp, Disney opted to write a brand new original adventure where Bernard and Miss Bianca go to Australia.

On a personal note, The Rescuers Down Under was not a childhood staple of mine--much like its predecessor. I saw many previews, because it was released right at the time I started getting my own copies of DAFs. Again, I don't recall my first viewing of this movie, but I for sure watched it in 2006 in my original chronological run. And let me tell you...watching The Rescuers Down Under in between The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast always feels wrong. I know it came out between those movies. I've double checked. It even looks newer than The Little Mermaid...but...the stylistic differences are jarring. Trust me, Disney's 29th animated feature is best viewed far out of the shadows of its 28th and 30th.

Mötley Müsings
• I cheated with this one. I am still randomly picking these movies (out of a drawer in my vanity) but I had two strips of paper with the word "rescuers" written on them. I was always going to do these in chronological order. #sorrynotsorry

• No offense to Australia, but I'll probably never visit there. That is one long ass plane ride.

• Cody. That's such an 80s name.

• Well...some might call that an Australian accent. And those some would be mistaken.

• That is one 80s haircut. I like.

• Wombats!

• "Be careful, little friend." Too bad this nice kangaroo disappears.

• Good majestic score, but I miss that sleepy 70s stuff...

• This looks just fantastic!

• Marahute is a chick. And a mom. And a widow. :-(

• The fluffing is way cute.

• Oh man...just teared up at Marahute's reaction to "Where's the daddy eagle?" My hormones are out of whack.

• Time to pick some nits: I understand why Marahute's not talking is more dramatic and meaningful, but how and why do some animals talk--the kangaroo, the mice--and others don't? Having the villains' toadies (Brutus, Nero, and Joanna) not talk is a way of showing their wickedness, but then Marahute, as a good character should be able to talk...it's all very confusing.

• Does Percival C. McLeach have a C in his name because George C. Scott does? Probably. I mean, they look very similar.

• I like Joanna. Her not talking helps. And she's not pink nor does she have eyelashes to show us she's a girl. I dig it.  Come to think of it, there aren't any feminine signifiers on Marahute either. #feministdisney

• I have a Bernard Christmas ornament from McDonalds!

• Bernard has a cummerbund! So 80s!

• "I don't think of it as a matter of wanting, it's a matter of duty."

• April! I'm getting married in April!

• A mention of Orville... Orville's voice actor Jim Jordan passed away in 1988 so they got John Candy to play his brother. It works.

• "May I just say enchante, senorita to you?"

• Albatross Air: A Fair Fare from Here to There

• "Jolly little holiday" #disneyreferencesdisney

• "Cowabunga!"

• "Non-stop? What I look like? Charles Lindberg?"

• This one is certainly more LOL funny.

• "Albatross? It's a jumbo!"

• "Crazy yank."

• Bra jokes. Nice.

• Yeah...so what's with this creepy mouse hospital?

• All right...you're not married, Bianca, but you're dating so you should mention that to Jake.

• Although unnecessary, this love triangle forces Bernard to stand up for what he wants. And the callback to the way Bernard put his arm around Bianca is a nice touch.

• Oh no. Frank. The irritating lizard thing.

• "Frank will go as...a purse."

• "I feel like I've got my head in a vise."

• I like this Joanna stealing the eggs bit.

• Frank sucks.

• McLeach is a great villain. Damn...I should rank villains and such, shouldn't I?

• Having three "rescuers" really changes the dynamic. Jake is doing too much work and Bernard and Bianca are becoming ciphers.

• Oh right. The rescuers finally meet Cody. It seems rather...whatever at this point. Maybe that's because he was set free and could've gone home. But he's soon to be in trouble again.

• Heh. Wilbur has to sit on the eggs. Gilligan cut.

• Bernard asserts himself!

• Jesus! McLeach is feeding Cody to the crocodiles! Why doesn't he just dump him the desert? He would probably die of dehydration before he make it home. Fuck, man.

• Dude! Bernard just pushed McLeach and Joanna into the Crocodile Falls!

• ...But, of course, McLeach has to fall over a waterfall so Bernard's not a murderer, although he did push him into the water... #greyarea

• Bernard does a lot more than Bianca in this movie. I don't like that.

Final Thoughts

The last time I ranked these movies, I put Down Under just ahead of The Rescuers because it was "less childish" or something. I have a change of opinion. Given the similar premises and same characters, it's easy to compare and contrast these movies but I don't want my "closing statements" to be about why Movie A is better than Movie B.

But they're going to be. I just can't help it.

In The Rescuers, Bernard and Bianca equally do the sleuthing, equally share the action. In Down Under, Bianca is stuck in McLeach's cage thingy for the last part of the movie while Bernard has to save Cody, protect Marahute's eggs, etc. Also, we as the audience feel closer to Bernard since we know he's trying to propose to oblivious Bianca. Our relationship with these characters is no longer balanced.

Even though I like Jake as a character, he horns in on Bianca and Bernard's partnership (business and romantic) and, like I said, it throws off the dynamic. When it comes to Cody vs. Penny, both are resourceful and reasonably likable, but Penny gets the edge because she is more sympathetic. Plus, Cody is adventuresome in his own right while Penny has probably never known life outside Morningside Orphanage; how long could she survive in that bayou? And finally, that score sure is swashbuckling, but my ears prefer those dreamy 70s soft rock diddies from the first movie.

But here's where Down Under wins: the visuals. Duh. Duh. And I prefer Wilbur to Orville because, you know, John Candy. Finally...there's just something extremely appealing about Joanna. Easily one of my favorite villain sidekicks. I was surprised.

As for the proper villains...we'll call that a draw because both Medusa and McLeach are delightfully evil in surprisingly realistic ways. Both use children for financial gain--a big ass diamond and a big ass eagle but Medusa uses more "feminine" manipulation and emotional abuse, while McLeach hangs Cody over crocodile infested waters.

I suppose I could go on, but all you need to know is that I do like The Rescuers Down Under, just slightly less than The Rescuers. I thought it'd be the other way around, honestly, but there you go.

Favorite Character

Joanna

Favorite Moment -- Cody and Marahute's first meeting and flight.
Favorite Song -- N/A

Big Hero 6 (2014)

Directed by Don Hall and Chris Williams
Written by Jordan Roberts, Dan Gerson, and Robert L. Baird. Based on Big Hero 6 by Man of Action.
Premiered October 23, 2014
102 Minutes
Rated PG

Synopsis
In the metropolis of San Fransokyo, Hiro Hamada (Ryan Potter) is a boy genius who fritters away his brains on robot hustling. Luckily, his older brother, college student Tadashi (Daniel Henney) saves his bacon and introduces him to his friends at the San Fransokyo Institute of Technology--sarcastic action grrrrl GoGo (Jamie Chung), perky Honey Lemon (Génesis Rodríguez), neurotic Wasabi (Damon Wayans, Jr.) and manchild Fred (T.J. Miller). Dazzled with the institute, Hiro invents microbots to impress famed robotics professor Robert Callaghan (James Cromwell) but a disastrous fire consumes Tadashi, Callaghan and Hiro's microbots. Left in a depressed funk, Hiro is only brought back to life when Tadashi's pet project Baymax (Scott Adsit), an inflatable healthbot, is reactivated and discovers Hiro's microbots are still functioning. Hiro tracks his microbots to an abandoned building where he learns they are being mass produced by an evil masked man.

Before We Begin
I have only seen Big Hero 6 once before. It was shortly after it was released on DVD. (Yes, I still buy DVDs). Actually, I think I asked for it for Christmas. Um, well, the important thing to know is, I've only seen it once. I remember it as "good", but obviously it didn't strike my fancy enough for me to watch it again until now.

Look, I'll be real with you: I AM SO TIRED OF SUPERHEROES. Exhausted. And how could I not be? How aren't you exhausted? The media is positively saturated. You know how westerns were huge in the 50s and 60s? Bonanza, Gunsmoke, The Big Valley, Rawhide, etc. You look at those line ups now and you're like "What the fuck? How can there be so many shows about lawmen and cowboys on all at once?" And then in the 70s, poof. No more westerns. Basically. And now look. Not a one on the air. Why? Because the media was saturated.

I was into Spider-Man, back when Tobey Maguire played him (yes, yes, I'm showing my age). After the third movie tanked and it became obvious that no fourth movie featuring my most prominent Hollywood crush was coming, I pretty much stopped caring. When Disney acquired Marvel, all hell broke loose and the next thing you know there are movies being made just so ownerships don't lapse...or whatever. Plus there are "in-jokes" up the ying and if you don't watch Captain America: Springtime Sergeant, you won't understand The Avengers Down Under.

(Also, my fiancé has been binge-watching The Flash and Agents of Shield lately and I just can't anymore...Love you, Babe!)

So when I heard, a couple years ago now, that Disney's 54th animated feature was going to be about superheroes, I was just tickled pink.

Mötley Müsings
• Positive. Positive. Stay positive.

• Hey, you know what's fucking annoying? When you can't figure out how to play DVDs through your TV that has 8 billion hook ups so you have to watch it on your laptop like your a college student in 2004.

• Starting out on the right foot...

• Did you know this won the Academy Award for Best Animated Feature? I have seen every winner. I used to really give a shit about that category and saw the nominees. That stopped in 2009. Still haven't seen Fantastic Mr. Fox.

• Okay...you know my feelings about Disney and sci-fi. They're not too good.

• San Fransokyo...so Japan took over the U.S.? Is that what you're telling me? How did this come to pass?

•  His name is Hiro. Really?

• Everyday he's hustlin'.

• The aunt has to raise the kids. She was probably enjoying her life asa  single woman with no cares but herself and her cat and her café and then BAM two kids to raise. Bummer. What a nightmare. (Yeah, I know I sound like an asshole.)

• FAT CAT!!!!!!!!!!! Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!

• “They died when I was three, remember?” #exposition

• Meet the gang. Yuck. Sarcastic Tough Girl is in this movie.

• Honey Lemon is dressed the like the 60s. K.

• Oh thank God. Baymax. Everyone loves Baymax. (Yep, me too.) He was created for our love. I feel so manipulated by his soft, huggableness and yet I don't care. Show me someone who doesn't like Baymax. Show me! Come forward, monster!

• “You have a minor allergy to...peanuts.”

• "I am a robot. I cannot be offended."

• Oh. I bet that's the bad guy.

• “Pretty sick, huh?” Do the kids still say “pretty sick”?

• “Eye of the Tiger”. Pop song cues. Flashbacks to Chicken Little! Ah....subversion. NICE.

• “Stop whining. Woman up.” UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH.

• They took a selfie. #dated

• Dude, rainy funerals and black umbrellas is such a cliché.

• Aunt Cass has that Rapunzel-Anna-Elsa look.

• Yay, more Baymax!

• “You have fallen.”

• “On a scale—on a scale—on a scale—on a scale--"

• "Diagnosis: puberty."

• “Puberty can often be a confusing time."

• "Would that stabilize your pubescent mood swings?”

• SHE'S A FUN AUNT.

• “Oh no.”

• “I am not fast.”

• Oh no. His action has run down. Baymax is the 21st century's benevolent Tik Tok!

• THE FAT CAT IS NAMED MOCHI! (Mochi is delicious.)

• Thank you for this cat, Disney.

• “I cannot be sick. I am a robot.”

• Baymax would be such a great fat guy Halloween costume.

• “I also know karate.”

• What is your problem, GoGo!? Jesus. Have some chocolate, you moody bitch.

• Oh god. Driving into water is one of my nightmares.

• "It's like spooning a warm marshmallow." Erm.

• "Does this symbol remind you of anything?" Uh...Captain Jack Sparrow?

• You're right. Krei is too high profile. It's Callaghan.

• Ugh. Montage. Oh, hey, Fall Out Boy.

• So you've turned Baymax into Iron Man?

• She's gonna die.

• Hey. It's Callaghan. What. Really.

• “Spider-Man doesn't kill people.”

• Brother wanting revenge for accidental death. Works better here than in Brother Bear.

• “This is a revenge story.”

• “I want my father back, you son of a bitch.” See, revenge was cool in The Princess Bride. And in Kill Bill. We get such mixed messages from our fiction.

• You know...I didn't really like The Incredibles either.

• “This ends now.” UUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

• "The power of the sun, in the palm of my hand."

• Maybe if we had met Callaghan's daughter before, say at the big "show off our projects" expo, we would care more. Just sayin'.

• Oh no. Baymax....why am I so teary today? I know he's gonna be fine!

• See...he's fine.

Final Thoughts

No shit, if it weren't for Baymax, this movie would be in the Meh pile. Maybe even the Something Amiss pile because I am so tired of superheroes and superhero clichés and booms and the This Ends Nows. So. Tired. But Big Hero 6 is not bad. It looks great, sounds great, blah, blah, blah. Technically good.

But when it comes to characters...well...

Hiro, like many a young Disney male is bland. Tadashi is nice, but also bland, and not around long enough. GoGo annoys the shit out of me and reminds me of Audrey from Atlantis. Honey Lemon is whatever, but she makes me want a cup of tea. Wasabi and Fred, however, I did enjoy--one for subverting stereotypes and the other for being a total lovable manchild cliché. They were trying too hard with Aunt Cass. As for the villain, who didn't see that coming? Disney has been doing a lot of "The villain was THIS GUY ALL ALONG!" stuff lately. Hmmmmm....Like four movies in a row lately...

But thankfully, there's Baymax and he makes everything all right. Every minute of this movie without Baymax is...okay. We're set up for a sequel--I guess--but everyone would probably just prefer a Baymax spinoff. (I have discovered Big Hero 6 is probably getting its own TV show which is awesome. That's where this belongs. I mean no disrespect.)

I feel like I've been harsh. Sorry for that. My feelings for Big Hero 6 may improve with time. It was only my second viewing.

Favorite Character

Baymax

Favorite Moment -- Baymax petting Mochi.
Favorite Song -- "Immortals" performed by Fall Out Boy. It's the only song so it wins by default, but still not a bad song.