Lilo & Stitch (2002)

Directed by Dean DeBlois and Chris Sanders
Written by Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois
Premiered June 21, 2002
85 minutes
Rated PG

Synopsis
In a far off galaxy, Dr. Jumba Jookiba (David Ogden Stiers) is on trial for creating destructive alien Experiment 626 (Chris Sanders). Jumba is found guilty and 626 is sentenced to life on an asteroid. However, he commandeers a spaceship and crash lands on the island of Kaua'i and is eventually taken to an animal shelter. Meanwhile a troubled young girl named Lilo (Daveigh Chase) convinces her financially struggling sister and sole guardian Nani (Tia Carrere) to adopt a puppy. Nani acquiesces but Lilo chooses 626 who she renames Stitch. With social worker Cobra Bubbles (Ving Rhames) watching Nani's every move and Jumba and Earth expert Pleakley (Kevin McDonald) after Stitch, the fragile family tries to stick together in spite of Stitch's destructive nature.

Before We Begin
You should know right now that Lilo & Stitch is my least favorite Disney Animated Feature. Yes, I dislike it more than Dinosaur, more than Chicken Little, and far more than all other purported "worst" DAFs.

But, but, but...it's the one that made money! It was the one bright spot in the post-Renaissance! How can you not like it, Disney Doxy?

Let me tell you a little story. I was a school field trip. It was actually a "Reward Day" for those students who got good enough grades and didn't get detention. Our reward was to see a movie. (I'm pretty sure it was Snow Dogs starring Academy Award winner Cuba Gooding, Jr.) During the previews, there was a scene from Beauty and the Beast, a movie I am quite fond of (understatement). So there was Belle and the Beast dancing to their theme song. Then the camera panned to this giant, hideous blue bug crawling on the ceiling. It climbed onto the chandelier causing it to crash to floor, effectively ruining one of the most romantic scenes in cinema history. Belle stormed off angrily (and uncharacteristically). Then we jumped into a regular trailer with AC/DC's "Back in Black" under scoring.

Well, fuck you, too, Lilo & Stitch. You just made an enemy for life.

I put off watching the movie until the inaugural DAF marathon in 2006. I did not like it.

Mötley Müsings
• Oh right. I'm supposed to be positive. Uh huh. I'll try oh-so-hard. Let's just get this fucking over with.

• You know...I'm not a beach chick. I would much rather tour castles in Europe than hang out on a Hawaiian beach. That's the kind of person I am.

• Like with Pocahontas and Brother Bear sharing the "Native American" angle, I'm glad Moana is coming out to share the "south Pacific" setting with this movie.

• Space! Enough with space already, Disney!

• Stitch is evil. He was created to be evil. Will he turn good by movie's end? Can he?

• Stitch is also just gross.

• The aliens resemble animals with random antennae. #lazy

• Heh. Movie is pro-evolution.

• Lilo is annoying. She is disturbed. She is violent. I don't like children to begin with. But evil children...evil fictional children are on a whole other level.

• About her doll: “I made her, but her head is too big. So I pretend a bug laid eggs in her ears, and she’s upset because she only has a few more days to…”

• I appreciate that Nani is drawn like a real woman.

• I feel bad for Nani having to take on the responsibility of raising her little sister. That fucking sucks. Especially a monster like Lilo.

• Lilo is voiced by Daveigh Chase who played Samara in The Ring. Yeah. Coincidence? I think not.

• Lilo is a liar.

• "My friends need to be punished." Why!? Why do people like this movie? How can they possibly think Lilo is a good character, someone worth rooting for? HATE, HATE, HATE.

• "I need someone to be my friend." Well, stop being a little shit! It's not because you're weird, it's because you're violent!

• Okay, I'm pretty sure the people at the animal shelter could recognize that Stitch is clearly not an animal. Why didn't they call the feds? What the fuck?

• All right, Nani, you've lost me. You have three days to get your shit together and impress the social worker and you are taking on more responsibility by adopting a dog. You are fucking stupid.

• Stitch is gross. And Lilo is a poor judge of character. I hate these characters.

• Theft! They just stole that little girl's Big Wheel. This is not okay!

• Oh yeah. Elvis provides the soundtrack. Could be worse.

• Why is Lilo walking around unsupervised?

• David's okay for a bland Disney hero.

• "Don't worry. She likes your butt and fancy hair. I know. I read her diary." "She thinks it's fancy?" And yet another reason to dislike Lilo!

• Yes! Yes! Take him back! CALL THE FEDS!

• The concept of 'ohana: 'ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind or forgotten. #moralofthestory

• I mean, we know by the end that Cobra Bubbles worked with alien invasions before he must recognize that Stitch is a fucking alien! Why doesn't he do something about it!?

• There are elements of Frankenstein here...

• "Elvis Presley was a model citizen." WHAT THE FUCK? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

• "I'm sure Elvis had his bad days, too."

• Like, Nani is not that bad...I want to like her. If only she had listened to me and not adopted stupid fucking Stitch.

• Yeah, Stitch. You suck.

• The hammock scene. Nice. Truly like that. Truly touching.

• "You abuse me because you miss your family" Lilo basically says. Great message, Disney.

• This emotional portion is good. Too bad I hate Stitch. He better fucking redeem himself and quick.

• Lilo & Stitch goes to dark places. PG dark places. But the unlikable characters make it hard for me to feel sympathetic.

• "So she's gone?" "Look at the bright side: you won't have to yell at anyone any more."

• Here comes the big action sequence at the end. Space. Explosions. Blah, blah, blah. I am checking out now...

• Too little too late. Just end already!

Final Thoughts
Look, I never said Lilo & Stitch was the worst movie in the Disney canon. I said it was my least favorite and that is quite a different thing. Frankly I am too biased to ever do a proper "movie critic" ranking of these movies. Emotions get in the way.

Lilo & Stitch has good moments. It has some good themes. It's not banal. But it is ridiculously overrated. Part of the reason why it made so much money (and I am thankful to it for keeping traditional Disney animation afloat for a little while longer) is because it cost relatively nothing (compared to Treasure Planet, at least) to make. And the characters appealed to kids and teenage girls.

I've come to the conclusion that if Lilo & Stitch were one of the less popular DAFs, one that only a handful of people liked, I would feel differently towards it. I understand there may be a cult following to any movie, after all. But lots of people, lots of women my age, love this movie and it bugs the shit out of me. Why is there celebration of these awful characters? How can some people think Lilo and Stich are cute? What is cute about destruction, abuse, voo doo, and snot jokes? What!? WHAT!? WHAT!? TELL ME, PLEASE.

I can't be the only one who doesn't like this movie. So I urge you, fellow haters, to speak out! It's okay! You are not alone!

Favorite Character

This frog that watches Stitch get run

over by a semi and does

nothing...heh, heh, heh.

Favorite Moment -- Lilo and Nani stay goodbye on the hammock.
Favorite Song -- "(You're the) Devil in Disguise" performed by Elvis Presley

Chicken Little (2005)

Directed by Mark Dindal
Written by Steve Bencich, Ron J. Friedman, and Ron Anderson. Based on the folk tale "Henny Penny."
Premiered November 4, 2005
81 minutes
Rated G

Synopsis
In the all animal town of Oakey Oaks, dorky, pre-pubescent Chicken Little (Zach Braff) causes chaos when he announces "The sky is falling!" After some investigation by the hysterical Oakey Oaks inhabitants, no evidence of the "hexagon piece of sky" is found and Chicken Little becomes the town's laughing stock which shames his father, former baseball star Buck Cluck (Garry Marshall). A year later, Chicken Little is still a social pariah. However, he finds solace with his group of misfit friends: "ugly duckling" Abby Mallard (Joan Cusack), emotional eater Runt of the Litter (Steve Zahn) and Fish Out of Water (Dan Molina) who wears a diver's helmet full of water at all times (it's a necessity). On Abby's advice, Chicken Little joins the baseball team to gain the respect and admiration of his peers and more importantly, his father. Surprisingly, Chicken Little succeeds at this endeavor and everything seems A-Okay until a mysterious hexagon shaped something falls from the sky...

Before We Begin
I remember hearing the news, way back in 2004, that Home on the Range would be the last traditionally animated feature to ever exit Walt Disney Feature Animation. It saddened me as a millennial (although we weren't called "millennials" just yet. We were still Generation Y) who grew up during the glorious Disney Renaissance. But times, they were a-changin' and Pixar and DreamWorks were dominating the box office with their fun-for-the-whole-family, pop culture laced, celebrity voiced animated features. Disney, on the other hand, had lost its way. For the new millennium, the company wanted to move away from the big, lush, fairy tale musicals that had put them on the map and go in an action/adventure direction. That direction lead them off a cliff. (Don't you worry, we'll get to those.)

Disney thought they had no choice but to jump on the CGI Bandwagon. I, along with many others, were disheartened and frustrated with this decision. Do a fairy tale! I thought. They've always brought you back before! (re: Cinderella and The Little Mermaid). Well, Disney was trying to be all things to all people. Sure, they were going to change the format, but I found comfort in them using a traditional European folk tale.

Thank God they chose "Chicken Little" a.k.a. "Henny Penny" a.k.a. "The Sky is Falling" and not something that still might make a great DAF one day (cough, Rumpelstiltskin, cough, cough!) I am truly grateful they didn't attempt a princess with 'tude movie. But Original Fable Chicken Little is on the brisk side and what they did to stretch it to a full length movie was...questionable.

Mötley Müsings on Chicken Little
• By the way, Chicken Little was the first DAF to not be released on VHS (at least in the United States). A new era had begun in many ways...

• All right. Positive thoughts. Here we go. I am even watching this on my fiancé's giant TV to make it look better.

• Oh, the CGI castle looks cute.

• Manic! Opening!

• Like, why Zach Braff? Scrubs or something? I never watched Scrubs.

• I like the string of baby bunnies coming out of the buggy.

• Animals watch human movies? Sure! Everyone loves Raiders of the Ark! I mean, what? I get it. A big round thing is going to crush the townspeople, but to see the actual Raiders instead of an animal version is sort of unnerving. Come on, Raiders of the Lost Park!

• Yeah, the bigger screen, the worse it looks.

• Harry Shearer! Doing a doggy Kent Brockman. Thank you, movie, for this at least.

• Heh. A bull owns a china shop. I like it. No joke.

• The Barenaked Ladies. They were popular in 2005, right? Wrong. I was there. I can assure you no one cared about the Barenaked Ladies in this millennium.

• Patrick Stewart. Nice to see you, but I'm sorry you're here.

• The ugly duckling is actually ugly and not just wearing glasses and a ponytail. Good for you, Disney.

• There is...there is so much to take in with this movie. MANIC.

• "Split into to two teams: Popular and Unpopular." "Coach?" "Yeah, Unpopular?"

• "Everybody Dance Now" by C + C Music Factory. Oh boy.

• The color on this looks funky. Dusty almost.

• Whoa. An "EVERYBODY HAS A CELL PHONE" joke in 2005 with flip phones. If they only knew what the future held.

• Joan Cusack is bringing her A game and I appreciate it. Yep. I'm gonna say it: less annoying than Jessie from the Toy Story movies. YEP.

• "What? I'm sorry. I'm very bad at reading facial cues."

• And a here's a King Kong reference. For no reason.

• "I guess only girls are good at honest communication and sensitivity." [gets hit with dodgeball thrown by girl] #feministdisney

• Very cartoony angles, no straight perpendicular lines.

• In the original fable, Chicken Little was a hen but I once read that they made the main character male because being small is a bigger deal when you're male. K.

• Buck Cluck doesn't believe in his kid. It seems like he doesn't even like Chicken Little. (Don't ask me why they have different last names.) Parents who love their children, but don't like them. Today, on Dr. Phil...

• Their house is a chicken coop! There are some great designs in this!

• "I bruise you/you bruise me/we both bruise so easily/too easily to let it show/I love you/and that's all I know." These are actual song lyrics from Five for Fighting who, to be fair, were popular in the 2000s. But this song is waaaaaaay over the top.

• This soundtrack! Patti LaBelle and Joss Stone. WHY NOT!?

• It's easy to hate on Chicken Little, but I'm not bored. I'll give it that. "I'm not bored" is definitely a compliment.

• Foxy Loxy (a female) is their best player. #feministdisney

• Chicken Little needs a younger sounding voice. Not that Zach Braff sounds like the pinnacle of grown-ass-manliness, but he still doesn't fit. Who would? And in the mid aughts? Hmmm...Frankie Muniz? I'd try to get Frankie Muniz.

• Oh no. The shit is about to hit the fan.

• Hexagon. Like chicken wire. I see. This isn't all bad! They thought about design!

• Spice Girls karaoke and then some piss jokes.

• Let me bring you up to speed: we're 38 minutes in. Fish Out of Water has been accidently abducted by an alien space ship made of camoflaging hexagonal pieces. Chicken Little, Abby, and Runt go aboard to rescue you him and see a big map of the solar system with all the planets crossed out and Earth circled. They believe aliens are out to take over the planet. Chaos ensues for like, twenty more minutes, I think. Knowing that (spoilers!) the aliens aren't there to take over Earth really makes this part tedious. (P.S. Pluto is one of the crossed off planets! #2005)

• "At least we can sell the video to Chickens Gone Wild." No, movie, just no.

• "Runt, that's enough! Don't make Mommy take away your Streisand collection!" "You leave Barbra out of this!" ....um

• Now's your chance, Buck! Fail.

• "You have hate mail!" I shouldn't find that funny.

• "Darth Vader's Luke's father!?" Thank you, Mr. Blow the Picture For Me!

• Aliens + Disney = me no likey.

• "It's the End of the World as We Know It" music cue. It works?

• "Now that's closure." Chicken Little and Abby kiss. It's pretty cute.

• Hey. I don't care for action sequences.

• Okay, Abby. Time to snap out of it!

• So. Many. Pop songs.

• IT WAS ALL JUST A BIG MISUNDERSTANDING. MY FAVORITE PLOT DEVICE!

• Patrick Warburton. Always welcome.

• Okay...Foxy Loxy may be a bully, but she deserves to have her brains unscrambled. Her being turned into a "Lollipop" singing Shirley Temple impersonator, and keeping her that way sends a bad message. If the writers wanted to redeem her character, they should have had the harrowing experience of the alien invasion make her more sensitive to the feelings of others. Or whatever. I'm over thinking this.

• On to the hands down BEST part of this movie! The movie within a movie! Hollywood made the most Michael Bay version of the Chicken Little story ever! Adam West is Chicken Little a.k.a. Ace! Abby is the sexy chick, more breast than brain! Runt is the brave tough guy with tusks! Fish is Captain Kirk! Mmmm...that's good satire.

• "This is amazingly accurate."

• And it ends with a dance party. Sigh.

Final Thoughts
You know...it's probably the positive attitude I'm trying to have while rewatching the DAFs, but I didn't hate Chicken Little. It still belongs in this bottom category, for sure, but I didn't hate it. It missed more than it hit. And it did hit. I did laugh. I was amused. But. But.

Chicken Little's faults are obvious. Weak story, dodgy character design, unnecessary celebrity casting, desperate grabs for laughs with song cues and burping. Just an air of desperation, over all. Disney wanted so badly to remain relevant  they sold their soul. All right, that's a little harsh. But traditional animation wasn't the issue. Pixar and DreamWorks were making a killing, but the chosen medium was the least of it. Sure, CGI animated films were still fresh in 2005 and only looking better with each passing year. Pixar had good stories and characters. DreamWorks pandered. Both are going to make money. Disney tried to pander with Chicken Little, while sacrificing some of their earnestness and heart, and they paid for it. Critically. As for box office, Chicken Little did well enough. It made its money back and let's not forget Disney is a corporation.

So it's bad. But it's the only DAF that is bad in this way. Chicken Little is distinctive. It was the only film made between the surrender of Disney's traditional cel films and the moment John Lasseter became Chief Creative Officer of Disney. He did not like Chicken Little, and he decided never again would a film of such low quality come out of the corporation, not on his watch, no siree Bob. Good for him. Thank you, Mr. Lasseter.

Favorite Character

Abby Mallard

Favorite Moment -- Chicken Little: The True Story
Favorite Song -- "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" by Diana Ross. (It's on the soundtrack. It counts.)