One Hundred and One Dalmatians (1961)

Directed by Wolfgang Reitherman, Hamilton Luske and Clyde Geronimi
Written by Bill Peet. Based on The Hundred and One Dalmatians by Dodie Smith.
Premiered January 25, 1961
79 minutes
Rated G

Synopsis
Dalmatian Pongo (Rod Taylor) wants his bachelor songwriter "pet" Roger (Ben Wright) to get married and settle down. On a walk, Pongo sees a lovely woman named Anita (Lisa Davis) and her Dalmatian Perdita (Cate Bauer) and orchestrates a meeting. Romance blossoms and Roger and Anita marry while a litter of puppies soon follows Pongo and Perdita's union. However, trouble begins when Anita's insane school friend Cruella de Vil (Betty Lou Gerson) decides she wants the puppies for herself. Not trusting Cruella's intentions (which secretly are to make a Dalmatian skin coat), Roger refuses to sell the puppies which leads to their eventual kidnapping. When the humans fail to convict Cruella, Pongo and Perdita set out to find their children.

Before We Begin
The big story here is that Disney developed a new animation technique to cope with the millions upon millions of Dalmatian spots in this movie. It's called xerography and it's the thing that makes the 60s, 70s, and 80s DAFs look different from the ones in the 30s, 40s, and 50s. Basically, animation frames were Xeroxed to save time and the animator's wrists. This left pencils marks on the cells, which gives everything a "scratchy" quality.

And here's what I think about that:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I was never a huge fan of One Hundred and One Dalmatians. And I'm pretty sure it's because it's a dog movie and I'm not a dog person. (Team Cat all the way.) There's also that old chestnut...no princesses. And now...well...I truly am On the Fence because I recognize the good but get hung up on the not so good.

Mötley Müsings
• This is the first DAF obviously set in the present--if you neglect all of the package films, which I certainly choose to do. You can't tell with Bambi. (That movie could have taken place yesterday, although there'd probably be a bunch of Keystone Light cans next to the fire pit.) And Dumbo...well, fine, Dumbo is probably set in the 1940s. But in this there are cars! And magazines! And television!

• "It was a beautiful spring day...a tedious time of year for bachelors."

• I love this part! Humans looking like their dogs!

• "A little too short coupled....NOPE."

• Anita is very pretty.

• Why isn't pipe smoking cool? I mean, if you're going to smoke...a pipe is dignified.

• "He's settled down on the grass and puff his pipe and that'd be it."

• Perdita checking out Pongo.

• This is awesome. I mean really.

• Wow...I wonder how long they dated before getting married.

• "Just right for two couples who were just starting out..."

• My first complaint: Nanny. Why do they need a maid? There are only two of them. And it doesn't look like Anita has a job!

• Oh, they're cute.

• All right. Here comes Cruella. "Your dear and devoted old schoolmate."

What?

1. Anita, at the most, has got to be around 30. Cruella is a corpse. How did they go to school at the same time?
2. These women seem like they would have run in separate social circles even if they attended school at the same time.
3. But even if they were friends then, why are they still acquainted now?
4. And how are they so well acquainted? Cruella knows where Anita lives? That she was recently married? That she has a pregnant Dalmatian? This film takes place well before Facebook allowed us to send the personal details of our lives out into the abyss.


• "Anita, you're such a wit."

• "Here, dog, here."

• This is pretty bleak...dead puppy, but rubbing it will do the trick. Sure.

• And here's Cruella again...out of nowhere.

• "You can't possibly afford to keep them." TRUE.

• "BLAST THIS WRETCHED, WRETCHED PEN!"

• "Anita, we're through..." Yeah...what were they before?

• REMEMBER WHAT I SAID ABOUT WESTERNS BE UBIQUITOUS ON TV??? I didn't know that was the case on British TV.

• "No dog's better than Dad."

• Kittens are way cuter than puppies.

• Why do the puppies have American accents?

• TV...bringing the family together for 65 years.

• Yikes! Jasper's fingernails!

• Nanny is brave for taking them on.

• Hmmm...I wonder you put them up to this...

• Look at Cruella's nostrils! And her pale complexion and wraith like figure! She's clearly a cokehead.

• "Is she calling to confess?"

• You know...I don't like barking.

• There's Jock and Peg from Lady and the Tramp.

• Heh. The poodle's name is Coco.

• And that looks suspiciously like Trusty...

• Disney horses are always awesome.

• They call him Sergeant Tibbs!

• I like the Colonel's design.

• This Twilight Bark thing just keeps going doesn't it?

• "Fiddle faddle and rot, sir."

• In goes Tibbs, the unsung hero of this movie.

• Hell Hall. Awesome.

• "They're over there by the TV."

• This movie has a lot of drinking and smoking.

• Tapping the ash into the naked sandwich. (That sounds far dirtier than it is, I promise.)

• Still lotsa barking. Pongo and Perdita set out.

• BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

• Killing 99 puppies would take a long time. :-/

• What's My Crime? is hilarious. Nice ticking clock.

• All right. Once the puppies exit Hell Hall it's just dull for me.

• I like that Pongo and Perdita are both searching for the puppies. #feministdisney

• "She's a devil...a witch." Come on, Perdita. You can do better than that.

• Oh, joy. Slapstick.

• "My toes are froze."

• This collie is majestic.

• Can dogs drink cow's milk? Blecch.

• Rolling in the soot...this was actually from the book.

• "Crazy woman driver."

• And then what happens to Cruella? It's not like the dogs can say it was her. No justice?

• Hey. It's Christmastime. Sure.

• This is insane. You cannot have that many dogs, even if you have a huge estate. How do you keep them all straight? How do you keep them from breeding with each other? And to think, this whole thing could have been avoided if they just had Pongo and Perdita fixed.

Final Thoughts

Hey, I like One Hundred and One Dalmatians just fine. If I ignore the absurdity of Cruella and Anita knowing each other past high school. Which is hard for me to do. Perhaps if these women lived in a small town, where everybody knows everybody's business, instead of one of the world's largest cities, I could buy it. The live action remake from 1996 (yeah, it's not a new thing) has Anita as Cruella's employee which works. It explains why Cruella would know things about Anita and why Anita would be respectful and indulgent towards Cruella. But whatever. Character development wasn't as important to Disney back then. (And then the film might be more about Cruella's Regina George-esque tyranny over Anita and how it affects her marriage...which would be an interesting film, probably, but no good for kids.)

As for the rest of it...yeah. Just fine. I don't dread it, but I won't pick this one off the shelf when I'm craving Disney on a rainy afternoon.

(One last thought: I appreciate that Roger and Anita are portrayed as a child-free couple. I'm aware they're newlyweds, but there isn't any sort of "When we have a litter of our own..." type of comments. Their hands will be plenty full with the 101 dogs. And if that's what they want, good for them. It's also nice to see a Disney couple past the wedding day.)

Favorite Character

Sgt. Tibbs

Favorite Moment -- Pongo looks for prospective mates for Roger and himself.
Favorite Song -- "Kanine Krunchies"

Robin Hood (1973)

Directed by Wolfgang Reitherman
Written by Larry Clemmons, Ken Anderson, Vance Gerry, Frank Thomas, Eric Cleworth, Julius Svendsen, and David Michener. Based on the English legend of Robin Hood.
Premiered November 8, 1973
83minutes
Rated G

Synopsis
In 12th century England, King Richard the Lionheart is off fighting in the Crusades and has left his greedy younger brother Prince John (Peter Ustinov) in charge. While he taxes the poor residents of Nottingham--governed by the cruel Sheriff (Pat Buttram)--and Sherwood Forest, outlaw fox and skilled archer Robin Hood (Brian Bedford) and his best friend Little John (Phil Harris) rob from the rich to feed the poor. Prince John is reasonably frustrated and decides to hold an archery contest to trap Robin Hood and uses his ward Maid Marian (Monica Evans), Robin's childhood sweetheart, as bait.

Before We Begin
You know how there's that chick at school who always does her makeup, styles her hair, and wears cute clothes? And then one day she shows up to class with a bare face, a messy bun and yoga pants and you're like "Man...I'll bet she's going through some shit..." Well, Robin Hood is the Disney Animated Feature version of that.

Walt had been gone for seven years by the time Robin Hood came out and the Disney company was making most of their money from theme parks and their live action flicks. The animation department--which was once upon a time the heart and soul of the company--was the unattractive spinster nobody wanted to dance with. But out of tradition or guilt or something, they kept it going. Robin Hood? Sure! It's a classic story (or premise, rather) that everyone knows! But let's make the characters animals! That's fun and child friendly, right? Right! Yayyyyyyyyyyy!

Mötley Müsings
• Oh, this is going to be so relaxing!

• Ah...the book. I love the book.

• "You know there's been a heap of legends and tall tales about Robin Hood, all different too. Well, we folks in the animal kingdom have our own version. It's the story of what really happened at Sherwood Forest." Sure. Why not?

• Anyone remember "The Hamster Dance"? It's from this movie.

• Opening credits to pad this thing out. Reused animation that we haven't seen yet.

• "Take a look at your hat. That's not a candle on a cake."

• "Rob? That's a naughty word. Tsk, tsk, tsk. We never rob."

• Sir Hiss is basically Smithers. YESSSSSSSS.

• "This crown gives me a feeling of power! Power! Forgive me a cruel chuckle. Heh-heh-heh. Power."

• Our heroes in drag! Blue eye shadow! #1970s

• "Female bandits? What next?"

• This is pretty fucking ballsy. Robbing the king prince.

• Let's do this: King Henry II had five sons--William, Henry, Geoffrey, Richard, and Baby John. By the time Henry II kicked the bucket, his three eldest sons had as well leaving Richard the king. However, Richard disliked England and preferred to live in France (where his mommy, Eleanor of Aquitaine, was from). So even though Richard was king, he decided he wanted to fight in the crusades and Eleanor was all "why don't you leave John in charge while you're away?" And he's like "Okay." John pretty much did what he wanted and tried to take over England, but when Richard got back, he forgave him and made John his heir because he didn't have any legitimate heirs. The people of England were thrilled.

• I thought that crystal ball was way cool when I was a kid.

• Of course your name will go down in history, John, you're one of Henry II's sons.

• "Solid gold hubcaps."

• Like they would carry around the treasury like that.

• HOW THE HELL DID ROBIN GET JOHN'S ROYAL ROBES? WHAT!?

• John's mommy issues...whoa...

• You know what would be fucking awesome? A western version of Robin Hood. Instead of a skilled archer, Robin could be a sharpshooter. Sheriff of Nottingham. Maid Marian could be a school marm. Prince John could be like an evil mayor. Friar Tuck is like a preacher...It writes itself. How has this not been done? I mean, there's a Ratpack version!

I wasn't kidding.

• Bunny rabbits!

• "One whole farthing!" Sounds like a lot of money c. 12th century England. (It's a 1/4 of a penny, btw.)

• The main boy bunny--Skippy--looks a lot like Rabbit from the Winnie the Pooh shorts. AND HIS FATHER IS MISSING! #disneyconspiracytheories

• "Yes, mine yo mannows."

• "If I tattle tale, I'll die til I'm dead." Toby the Turtle is Milhouse.

• Maid Marian's gown looks like a 70s bridesmaid dress. Nice.

• "What a bonny wee bunny."

• Lady Kluck is a HUGE chicken.

• What's the deal with Maid Marian? I ask this concerning every version of Robin Hood. She's like Prince John's ward, but how and why? They never explain this. Robin Hood just needs a girlfriend.

• So...Robin Hood and Maid Marian were childhood sweethearts. And somehow Robin was allowed into Prince John's "back yard" and carved his and her initials in a tree. Then she left for London. Now she's back. And somehow

• "Do you have any kids? My mom has a lot of kids."

• "Your uncle King Richard--" WHAT? A LION IS HER UNCLE? SHE'S A FOX. WHAT?

• "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
"Or forgetful."

• But no, Robin hasn't forgotten Marian. He happens to be dreaming of her right now. Because...he heard she's back from London?

• "You're burning the chow!"

• "What do I have to offer her?"
"Well, for one thing, you can't cook."

• Archery contest? It's a trap!

• Robin Hood's disguise is pretty damn good.

• And Little John's Sir Reginald, Duke of Chutney is an inspiration. Even if his costume is from the 16th century.

• "P.J.!"

• Helium balloons?

• "Yay, Dad!"

• "I suspect you favor the gangly youth."

• At least he wasn't naked underneath.

• "My dear, emotional lady, why should I?"

• Chase scene. Fighting....

• Mmmm...blackberry pie...

• I always want Little John and Maid Marian's lady-in-waiting to get together...

• Yay! Now it's time for the Academy Award nominated "Love"...This looks so beautiful. And this flower ring with the firefly!

• "The Phony King of England" ...but John did eventually become king because Richard didn't sire any legitimate heirs.

• "Too late to be known as John the First/He's sure to be known as John the Worst"...well, he was (and is) the only King John of England

• So much recycled animation...

• "Old Rob'll snatch his underwear..."

• Here's one of the most melancholy Disney songs..."Not in Nottingham."

• The Sherman Brothers were the go-to songwriters for DAFs in the 60s, but for some reason (????) they branched out in the 70s. In 1973, Hanna-Barbera's Charlotte's Web came out with songs penned by the Sherman Brothers. And I think it's their best work. Yep. I said it.

• I used to think the cookie crumbs the mice eat was from one of those Little Debbie oatmeal cream cookies. #childlogic

• The mouse bed is a shoe. Adorable.

• "THAT'S THE POOR BOX!"

• "GET OUTTA MY CHURCH!"

• Damn...Friar Tuck has blown a gasket.

• Money still doesn't make Prince John happy...because he ain't got no respect.

• My fiancé just walked in and said "I know this...it's The Emperor's New Clothes." No, Babe. :-)

• Hang Friar Tuck? It's another trap!

• I'm not gonna lie: when they start the "jailbreak/heist" portion of this movie I completely check out...

• Ha! Hiss sleeps in a cradle.

• "Praise the Lord and pass the tax rebate!"

• Robin, man, just let him keep that last bag of gold. Is it worth it?

• They're shooting arrows at that little baby bunny!

• If they made this movie today, Marian would be in on it and helping with the exodus ala Eowyn.

• "He's just gotta make it!"

• "Now, look what you've done to your mother's castle."

• And King Richard returned and straightened everything out....meaning he put John to work in a rock quarry. No. If anything, he'd be put in the Tower or something.

• Cinderella wedding music.

• Why is Little John dressed like Sir Reginald again?

Final Thoughts
Oo-de-lally. I don't think I could have picked a better movie to follow my review of The Princess and the Frog. I had so much (too much?) to say about that movie and now I have Robin Hood...which is easily the crappiest Disney animated feature ever made. Now "crappy" doesn't mean, "not entertaining", it is literally just not very well made. It is lazy. It is a lazily told story that lazily reuses animation. But I obviously like it well enough if it's in my On the Fence category and not lower.

I mean, there's some funny moments and the voice work is great. I like the songs because I like 70s music. And that's about it. I'm not saying it deserves to be on any Greatest Animated Movies lists (Oh God, no.) I like it, but I know it's weak.

I shunned The Sword in the Stone for not doing more with Arthurian legend, so why am I not doing to the same for Robin Hood? Um...nostalgia? Yep. Nostalgia. I'm gonna go with that because I can't think of any better excuse. My grandma owned Robin Hood on VHS, so it was an oft watched DAF growing up. When you're seven, what's not to like? So yes, let's all blame nostalgia for my giving Robin Hood a passing grade when it doesn't deserve it.

Favorite Character

Prince John

Favorite Moment -- Robin and Marian walking around to "Love".
Favorite Song -- "Love" performed by Nancy Adams

The Sword in the Stone (1963)

Directed by Wolfgang Reitherman
Written by Bill Peet. Based on The Sword in the Stone by T.H. White.
Premiered December 25, 1963
79 minutes
Rated G

Synopsis
In the Dark Ages, Uther Pendragon leaves England without an heir and vows whoever draws his sword Excalibar from a stone shall be King of England. Many years later, a young orphan boy named Arthur, nicknamed Wart (Rickie Sorenson, Richard Reitherman, and Robert Reitherman) works as a drudge for his athletic, boorish foster brother Kay (Norman Alden) and his father Sir Ector (Sebastian Cabot). However, Wart's luck changes when he meets magical wizard Merlin (Karl Swenson) who claims Wart is destined for bigger things. By turning Wart into a fish, a squirrel and a bird, Merlin teaches him valuable life lessons such as "brains over brawn" as he prepares him for a life on the throne.

Before We Begin
Ah...The Sword in the Stone. One of several DAFs I didn't grow up with. I do have vague memories of watching it with some kids while my dad drank beer with their dad and we were left in the care of Uncle TV and Auntie VCR. I remember having absolutely no opinion. It lacked princesses, therefore I never requested to rent it after that initial viewing.

In later years, I found it charming enough but sorely lacking in various ways.

Mötley Müsings
• Fact: I'm not all that up on Arthurian legend. I've seen some movies and a pretty terrible Starz miniseries called Camelot. I have not read The Once and Future King.

• The book! I love the book opening!

• Sebastian Cabot!

• Oh yeah, there's this wolf that appears over and over, always trying to eat Wart. Adds nothing.

• "One big medieval mess!"

• So Merlin is a time traveler and thinks the middle ages suck. He has a pocket watch and a tea set. But no iPhone. Of course...how would he charge it?

• Look! It's Bambi's mom! But we know Kay doesn't kill her because she dies from a gunshot.

• Damn, those are some gnarly woods.

• Archimedes is a jerk.

• A choo-choo train!

• This. This all day long.

• This sugar bowl!

• Tea wasn't drunk in England until the arrival of Charles II's Portuguese wife Catherine of Braganza. The court disliked her but they eventually went bonkers for tea.

• "Impudent piece of crockery!"

• I'm going to blame the lowish quality of these songs on the higher quality of Mary Poppins's songs. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious > Higitus Figitus.

• Why do wizards have such long beards? It's not like chicks having long hair; we can put it up and out of the way if we need or want. Beards are always out there, getting caught in things and catching food. I suppose it's to symbolize age and wisdom. "I'm so busy practicing spells, I have no time to shave."

• Three kids voiced Wart because production took so long. Puberty is cruel mistress.

• Why is Archimedes even around? What purpose does he serve?

• The London Times won't be out for 1200 years...which means this film is set in 585 AD.

• The English people are tired of waiting around for someone to pull the sword from the stone and so they're going to have a tournament (jousting and such) to determine who will become king. Well...they're not really English people are they?

• First lesson! Wart is turned into a fish to learn brains are more important than brawn. Out swimming (and out thinking) your opponent.

• "When he stays out all night, he's always grumpy the next morning." "Then he must stay out every night."

• Well, Archimedes did something nice. Good for him.

• Merlin helps Wart cheat at chores, which is what most of us would use magic for.

• Second lesson! Always look before you leap...as a squirrel.

• I like Squirrel Merlin's mustache.

• Oh no. The girl squirrel.

• "And a redhead, at that." What the hell is that supposed to mean, Merlin?

• "I'm afraid magic can't solve this problem."

• Do squirrels really mate for life? No, according to the internet.

• Oh no, a FAT squirrel with GAP TEETH wants Merlin. It's not so funny when it's happening to you, is it?

• Wart's squirrel comes to his rescue!

• "I am an ugly, horrible, grouchy old man!"

• "Ah, you know, lad, that love business is a powerful thing. "Greater than gravity?" "Well, yes, boy. In its way, I'd, uh... Yes, I'd say it's the greatest force on earth."

• SO SAD.

• "Just because you don't understand something, doesn't mean it's wrong." Too true.

• "The world is ROUND?"

• Cursive! They don't even teach cursive anymore!

• See? Beards are nothing but trouble.

• Shut up, already, Archimedes.

• Third lesson! Flying! Because that exactly the sort of thing a king should know how to do!

• Madame Mim's roof is shaped like a witch's hat! Never noticed that.

• Who is Madame Mim, you ask? You see, there's a serious lack of conflict in this movie so they shoved in a witch. She and Merlin have contest where they turn into a bunch of different animals (re: fun for the animators). What does this teach Wart?

• Still waiting to find out what this teaches Wart...

• "Knowledge and wisdom is the real power."

• What's Merlin and Mim's history? When they do the live action reboot, we'll find out.

• If there's no king, how the fuck did Kay get knighted?

• Merlin is mad because Wart is settling to be a squire instead expanding his mind.

• Who the hell has a tournament in winter, when there's snow on the ground! It's Britain! It's cold!

• Oh no, Wart forgot Kay's sword. Better find another one...Hey look, there's one sticking out of that stone...

• "GIVE THE BOY A CHANCE."

• "Why, they might even make a motion picture about you. "Motion picture?" "Oh. Heh-heh-heh, uh, well, uh, that's something like television... heh-heh... without commercials."

Final Thoughts

So here's the thing about The Sword in the Stone...it's underwhelming. Arthurian legend is huge. There is so much story and so many characters and as we have seen, so many ways those stories can be told and ways those seemingly hundreds of characters can be presented.

And this is what Disney chose to do.

To be fair, showing Arthur's not-yet-so-grand childhood and his introduction to Merlin is going to be the most relatable to America's animated feature going youth in 1963. Yes, fine, I understand not going into his relationship with his cheating wife or the bastard he fathered with his sister. But it's still so very...lacking. The animal transformation lessons are insubstantial. Wart should be learning history, economics, foreign languages, etc. instead of what it's like to fly.

Then there's the slow as molasses in January pace, more godawful xeroxography animation, and the music...oh, the music.

Everyone praises the Sherman Brothers as this great duo of musical genius, but I respectfully disagree. They are okay bordering on great, but only when it comes to Mary Poppins. Just look at this film. All of the songs are just...watery and unmemorable and barely qualify as songs since they are talk-sung ala Rex Harrison. The Sword in the Stone was the first DAF musically helmed by the duo and their reign of pleasantly banal ditties continued until 1977's The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh.

But wait a minute. If I'm complaining so much, why don't I put this in the Meh pile or Something Amiss? Well, because I like it anyway. I never dread watching The Sword in the Stone when I come upon it. Then again, it's never going to be the first film I snatch off the shelf. I LOL at some of the jokes, I like Wart's Everyboy-ness and Merlin's stereotypical bumbling. And the tone of the whole thing is charming, simplistic, cozy and likable.

By the swinging 60's, Old Walt had pretty much lost interest in his animation studio and was mostly concentrating on his television and theme park endeavors. Although Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs was a BIG! FUCKING! DEAL! after its 1937 release, I doubt the man could have known that Disney Animated Feature™®© would become the home video legacy that it is. Nor could he know how eagerly these films would be compared and contrasted to the delight and disdain of snarky millennials, typing away on their blogs at three in the morning. Perhaps if he had known, The Sword in the Stone's production would have been a bit tighter.

Of all the possible DAFs that could fall victim to Disney's recent penchant for live action remakes, I think The Sword in the Stone is the one I would most want to see...because it has the most potential for improvement. The Jungle Book? Beauty and the Beast? The motherfucking Lion King? Those are already good movies. They don't need remakes. (We will discuss Cinderella later.) And guess what? Apparently it is getting remade. Hooray.

Favorite Character

Sugar Bowl

Favorite Moment -- Wart and Merlin's first meeting.
Favorite Song -- "The Sword in the Stone" performed by Fred Darian