Big Hero 6 (2014)

Directed by Don Hall and Chris Williams
Written by Jordan Roberts, Dan Gerson, and Robert L. Baird. Based on Big Hero 6 by Man of Action.
Premiered October 23, 2014
102 Minutes
Rated PG

Synopsis
In the metropolis of San Fransokyo, Hiro Hamada (Ryan Potter) is a boy genius who fritters away his brains on robot hustling. Luckily, his older brother, college student Tadashi (Daniel Henney) saves his bacon and introduces him to his friends at the San Fransokyo Institute of Technology--sarcastic action grrrrl GoGo (Jamie Chung), perky Honey Lemon (Génesis Rodríguez), neurotic Wasabi (Damon Wayans, Jr.) and manchild Fred (T.J. Miller). Dazzled with the institute, Hiro invents microbots to impress famed robotics professor Robert Callaghan (James Cromwell) but a disastrous fire consumes Tadashi, Callaghan and Hiro's microbots. Left in a depressed funk, Hiro is only brought back to life when Tadashi's pet project Baymax (Scott Adsit), an inflatable healthbot, is reactivated and discovers Hiro's microbots are still functioning. Hiro tracks his microbots to an abandoned building where he learns they are being mass produced by an evil masked man.

Before We Begin
I have only seen Big Hero 6 once before. It was shortly after it was released on DVD. (Yes, I still buy DVDs). Actually, I think I asked for it for Christmas. Um, well, the important thing to know is, I've only seen it once. I remember it as "good", but obviously it didn't strike my fancy enough for me to watch it again until now.

Look, I'll be real with you: I AM SO TIRED OF SUPERHEROES. Exhausted. And how could I not be? How aren't you exhausted? The media is positively saturated. You know how westerns were huge in the 50s and 60s? Bonanza, Gunsmoke, The Big Valley, Rawhide, etc. You look at those line ups now and you're like "What the fuck? How can there be so many shows about lawmen and cowboys on all at once?" And then in the 70s, poof. No more westerns. Basically. And now look. Not a one on the air. Why? Because the media was saturated.

I was into Spider-Man, back when Tobey Maguire played him (yes, yes, I'm showing my age). After the third movie tanked and it became obvious that no fourth movie featuring my most prominent Hollywood crush was coming, I pretty much stopped caring. When Disney acquired Marvel, all hell broke loose and the next thing you know there are movies being made just so ownerships don't lapse...or whatever. Plus there are "in-jokes" up the ying and if you don't watch Captain America: Springtime Sergeant, you won't understand The Avengers Down Under.

(Also, my fiancé has been binge-watching The Flash and Agents of Shield lately and I just can't anymore...Love you, Babe!)

So when I heard, a couple years ago now, that Disney's 54th animated feature was going to be about superheroes, I was just tickled pink.

Mötley Müsings
• Positive. Positive. Stay positive.

• Hey, you know what's fucking annoying? When you can't figure out how to play DVDs through your TV that has 8 billion hook ups so you have to watch it on your laptop like your a college student in 2004.

• Starting out on the right foot...

• Did you know this won the Academy Award for Best Animated Feature? I have seen every winner. I used to really give a shit about that category and saw the nominees. That stopped in 2009. Still haven't seen Fantastic Mr. Fox.

• Okay...you know my feelings about Disney and sci-fi. They're not too good.

• San Fransokyo...so Japan took over the U.S.? Is that what you're telling me? How did this come to pass?

•  His name is Hiro. Really?

• Everyday he's hustlin'.

• The aunt has to raise the kids. She was probably enjoying her life asa  single woman with no cares but herself and her cat and her café and then BAM two kids to raise. Bummer. What a nightmare. (Yeah, I know I sound like an asshole.)

• FAT CAT!!!!!!!!!!! Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!

• “They died when I was three, remember?” #exposition

• Meet the gang. Yuck. Sarcastic Tough Girl is in this movie.

• Honey Lemon is dressed the like the 60s. K.

• Oh thank God. Baymax. Everyone loves Baymax. (Yep, me too.) He was created for our love. I feel so manipulated by his soft, huggableness and yet I don't care. Show me someone who doesn't like Baymax. Show me! Come forward, monster!

• “You have a minor allergy to...peanuts.”

• "I am a robot. I cannot be offended."

• Oh. I bet that's the bad guy.

• “Pretty sick, huh?” Do the kids still say “pretty sick”?

• “Eye of the Tiger”. Pop song cues. Flashbacks to Chicken Little! Ah....subversion. NICE.

• “Stop whining. Woman up.” UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH.

• They took a selfie. #dated

• Dude, rainy funerals and black umbrellas is such a cliché.

• Aunt Cass has that Rapunzel-Anna-Elsa look.

• Yay, more Baymax!

• “You have fallen.”

• “On a scale—on a scale—on a scale—on a scale--"

• "Diagnosis: puberty."

• “Puberty can often be a confusing time."

• "Would that stabilize your pubescent mood swings?”

• SHE'S A FUN AUNT.

• “Oh no.”

• “I am not fast.”

• Oh no. His action has run down. Baymax is the 21st century's benevolent Tik Tok!

• THE FAT CAT IS NAMED MOCHI! (Mochi is delicious.)

• Thank you for this cat, Disney.

• “I cannot be sick. I am a robot.”

• Baymax would be such a great fat guy Halloween costume.

• “I also know karate.”

• What is your problem, GoGo!? Jesus. Have some chocolate, you moody bitch.

• Oh god. Driving into water is one of my nightmares.

• "It's like spooning a warm marshmallow." Erm.

• "Does this symbol remind you of anything?" Uh...Captain Jack Sparrow?

• You're right. Krei is too high profile. It's Callaghan.

• Ugh. Montage. Oh, hey, Fall Out Boy.

• So you've turned Baymax into Iron Man?

• She's gonna die.

• Hey. It's Callaghan. What. Really.

• “Spider-Man doesn't kill people.”

• Brother wanting revenge for accidental death. Works better here than in Brother Bear.

• “This is a revenge story.”

• “I want my father back, you son of a bitch.” See, revenge was cool in The Princess Bride. And in Kill Bill. We get such mixed messages from our fiction.

• You know...I didn't really like The Incredibles either.

• “This ends now.” UUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

• "The power of the sun, in the palm of my hand."

• Maybe if we had met Callaghan's daughter before, say at the big "show off our projects" expo, we would care more. Just sayin'.

• Oh no. Baymax....why am I so teary today? I know he's gonna be fine!

• See...he's fine.

Final Thoughts

No shit, if it weren't for Baymax, this movie would be in the Meh pile. Maybe even the Something Amiss pile because I am so tired of superheroes and superhero clichés and booms and the This Ends Nows. So. Tired. But Big Hero 6 is not bad. It looks great, sounds great, blah, blah, blah. Technically good.

But when it comes to characters...well...

Hiro, like many a young Disney male is bland. Tadashi is nice, but also bland, and not around long enough. GoGo annoys the shit out of me and reminds me of Audrey from Atlantis. Honey Lemon is whatever, but she makes me want a cup of tea. Wasabi and Fred, however, I did enjoy--one for subverting stereotypes and the other for being a total lovable manchild cliché. They were trying too hard with Aunt Cass. As for the villain, who didn't see that coming? Disney has been doing a lot of "The villain was THIS GUY ALL ALONG!" stuff lately. Hmmmmm....Like four movies in a row lately...

But thankfully, there's Baymax and he makes everything all right. Every minute of this movie without Baymax is...okay. We're set up for a sequel--I guess--but everyone would probably just prefer a Baymax spinoff. (I have discovered Big Hero 6 is probably getting its own TV show which is awesome. That's where this belongs. I mean no disrespect.)

I feel like I've been harsh. Sorry for that. My feelings for Big Hero 6 may improve with time. It was only my second viewing.

Favorite Character

Baymax

Favorite Moment -- Baymax petting Mochi.
Favorite Song -- "Immortals" performed by Fall Out Boy. It's the only song so it wins by default, but still not a bad song.

Lilo & Stitch (2002)

Directed by Dean DeBlois and Chris Sanders
Written by Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois
Premiered June 21, 2002
85 minutes
Rated PG

Synopsis
In a far off galaxy, Dr. Jumba Jookiba (David Ogden Stiers) is on trial for creating destructive alien Experiment 626 (Chris Sanders). Jumba is found guilty and 626 is sentenced to life on an asteroid. However, he commandeers a spaceship and crash lands on the island of Kaua'i and is eventually taken to an animal shelter. Meanwhile a troubled young girl named Lilo (Daveigh Chase) convinces her financially struggling sister and sole guardian Nani (Tia Carrere) to adopt a puppy. Nani acquiesces but Lilo chooses 626 who she renames Stitch. With social worker Cobra Bubbles (Ving Rhames) watching Nani's every move and Jumba and Earth expert Pleakley (Kevin McDonald) after Stitch, the fragile family tries to stick together in spite of Stitch's destructive nature.

Before We Begin
You should know right now that Lilo & Stitch is my least favorite Disney Animated Feature. Yes, I dislike it more than Dinosaur, more than Chicken Little, and far more than all other purported "worst" DAFs.

But, but, but...it's the one that made money! It was the one bright spot in the post-Renaissance! How can you not like it, Disney Doxy?

Let me tell you a little story. I was a school field trip. It was actually a "Reward Day" for those students who got good enough grades and didn't get detention. Our reward was to see a movie. (I'm pretty sure it was Snow Dogs starring Academy Award winner Cuba Gooding, Jr.) During the previews, there was a scene from Beauty and the Beast, a movie I am quite fond of (understatement). So there was Belle and the Beast dancing to their theme song. Then the camera panned to this giant, hideous blue bug crawling on the ceiling. It climbed onto the chandelier causing it to crash to floor, effectively ruining one of the most romantic scenes in cinema history. Belle stormed off angrily (and uncharacteristically). Then we jumped into a regular trailer with AC/DC's "Back in Black" under scoring.

Well, fuck you, too, Lilo & Stitch. You just made an enemy for life.

I put off watching the movie until the inaugural DAF marathon in 2006. I did not like it.

Mötley Müsings
• Oh right. I'm supposed to be positive. Uh huh. I'll try oh-so-hard. Let's just get this fucking over with.

• You know...I'm not a beach chick. I would much rather tour castles in Europe than hang out on a Hawaiian beach. That's the kind of person I am.

• Like with Pocahontas and Brother Bear sharing the "Native American" angle, I'm glad Moana is coming out to share the "south Pacific" setting with this movie.

• Space! Enough with space already, Disney!

• Stitch is evil. He was created to be evil. Will he turn good by movie's end? Can he?

• Stitch is also just gross.

• The aliens resemble animals with random antennae. #lazy

• Heh. Movie is pro-evolution.

• Lilo is annoying. She is disturbed. She is violent. I don't like children to begin with. But evil children...evil fictional children are on a whole other level.

• About her doll: “I made her, but her head is too big. So I pretend a bug laid eggs in her ears, and she’s upset because she only has a few more days to…”

• I appreciate that Nani is drawn like a real woman.

• I feel bad for Nani having to take on the responsibility of raising her little sister. That fucking sucks. Especially a monster like Lilo.

• Lilo is voiced by Daveigh Chase who played Samara in The Ring. Yeah. Coincidence? I think not.

• Lilo is a liar.

• "My friends need to be punished." Why!? Why do people like this movie? How can they possibly think Lilo is a good character, someone worth rooting for? HATE, HATE, HATE.

• "I need someone to be my friend." Well, stop being a little shit! It's not because you're weird, it's because you're violent!

• Okay, I'm pretty sure the people at the animal shelter could recognize that Stitch is clearly not an animal. Why didn't they call the feds? What the fuck?

• All right, Nani, you've lost me. You have three days to get your shit together and impress the social worker and you are taking on more responsibility by adopting a dog. You are fucking stupid.

• Stitch is gross. And Lilo is a poor judge of character. I hate these characters.

• Theft! They just stole that little girl's Big Wheel. This is not okay!

• Oh yeah. Elvis provides the soundtrack. Could be worse.

• Why is Lilo walking around unsupervised?

• David's okay for a bland Disney hero.

• "Don't worry. She likes your butt and fancy hair. I know. I read her diary." "She thinks it's fancy?" And yet another reason to dislike Lilo!

• Yes! Yes! Take him back! CALL THE FEDS!

• The concept of 'ohana: 'ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind or forgotten. #moralofthestory

• I mean, we know by the end that Cobra Bubbles worked with alien invasions before he must recognize that Stitch is a fucking alien! Why doesn't he do something about it!?

• There are elements of Frankenstein here...

• "Elvis Presley was a model citizen." WHAT THE FUCK? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

• "I'm sure Elvis had his bad days, too."

• Like, Nani is not that bad...I want to like her. If only she had listened to me and not adopted stupid fucking Stitch.

• Yeah, Stitch. You suck.

• The hammock scene. Nice. Truly like that. Truly touching.

• "You abuse me because you miss your family" Lilo basically says. Great message, Disney.

• This emotional portion is good. Too bad I hate Stitch. He better fucking redeem himself and quick.

• Lilo & Stitch goes to dark places. PG dark places. But the unlikable characters make it hard for me to feel sympathetic.

• "So she's gone?" "Look at the bright side: you won't have to yell at anyone any more."

• Here comes the big action sequence at the end. Space. Explosions. Blah, blah, blah. I am checking out now...

• Too little too late. Just end already!

Final Thoughts
Look, I never said Lilo & Stitch was the worst movie in the Disney canon. I said it was my least favorite and that is quite a different thing. Frankly I am too biased to ever do a proper "movie critic" ranking of these movies. Emotions get in the way.

Lilo & Stitch has good moments. It has some good themes. It's not banal. But it is ridiculously overrated. Part of the reason why it made so much money (and I am thankful to it for keeping traditional Disney animation afloat for a little while longer) is because it cost relatively nothing (compared to Treasure Planet, at least) to make. And the characters appealed to kids and teenage girls.

I've come to the conclusion that if Lilo & Stitch were one of the less popular DAFs, one that only a handful of people liked, I would feel differently towards it. I understand there may be a cult following to any movie, after all. But lots of people, lots of women my age, love this movie and it bugs the shit out of me. Why is there celebration of these awful characters? How can some people think Lilo and Stich are cute? What is cute about destruction, abuse, voo doo, and snot jokes? What!? WHAT!? WHAT!? TELL ME, PLEASE.

I can't be the only one who doesn't like this movie. So I urge you, fellow haters, to speak out! It's okay! You are not alone!

Favorite Character

This frog that watches Stitch get run

over by a semi and does

nothing...heh, heh, heh.

Favorite Moment -- Lilo and Nani stay goodbye on the hammock.
Favorite Song -- "(You're the) Devil in Disguise" performed by Elvis Presley