Peter Pan (1953)

Directed by Clyde Geronimi, Wilfred Jackson, and Hamilton Luske
Written by Milt Banta, William Cottrell, Winston Hibler, Bill Peet, Erdman Penner, Joe Rinaldi, Ted Sears, and Ralph Wright. Based on the play Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie.
Premiered February 5, 1953
76 minutes
Rated G

Synopsis
In Edwardian London, pubescent Wendy Darling (Kathryn Beaumont) regales her younger brothers John (Paul Collins) and Michael (Tommy Luske) with stories of Peter Pan (Bobby Driscoll), a flying boy who never grows up, and his nemesis famed pirate Captain James Hook (Hans Conried). On the same night Wendy is banished from the nursery by her father (Hans Conried again), Peter and his pixie Tinkerbell come to the Darling house to get his shadow back, left behind while listening to Wendy's stories. Peter decides to take the Darling children to Neverland to show them a world where no one has to grow up. Meanwhile, Captain Hook is intent on capturing Peter so he can finally take revenge on the boy who cut off his hand and fed it to a crocodile.

Before We Begin
Peter Pan was the first Disney movie I ever owned. I know this because there is a picture of me gleefully holding the clamshell case on Christmas morning when I am but three years old. I loved Peter Pan. It was my first favorite Disney movie, until Beauty and the Beast superseded it not long after. As I got older, the princess movies took over in my heart, but I still thought of Peter Pan fondly. Then came 2003.

That was the year P.J. Hogan's live action true-to-the-play version was released. It was (and still is) better than the Disney version in every way possible. It came out when I was a hormonally raddled teen and to put it bluntly, it ruined Disney's version for me. This one is a mere cartoon, childish and shallow with not much (if anything?) to offer.

To be fair, I did not read any of the J.M. Barrie books until two years ago, so I will not slavishly be comparing and contrasting why this movie sucks for not including this or that. I'm also not going to play the "this could have been better if..." game I am so fond of, because if you want to know how it could have been better, just watch the 2003 version.

I sound harsh. Way harsh. Let's see if it's as mediocre as I remember...

Mötley Müsings
• I am feeling very indifferent. That's never good.

• It looks pretty good though.

• I wonder what the age difference between Mary and George Darling is. He scored big time.

• I like Wendy's nightgown.

• A dog as a nanny!? What!?

• Children are messy little shits, aren't they?

• "You old bilge rat."

• Chalk would fuck that shirt front up.

• "Captain Crook! Peter Pirate!"

• A room of her own? What an asshole father!

• "Poor Nana..."

• "You're really not a nurse at all." Um, YEAH! Get a real nurse.

• "He?" Mary's thinking "My daughter is fucking crazy."

• "Goodness gracious! Whatever shall we do!?"

• Tinkerbell...giving girls a complex about their hips since 1953.

• You know, this seems like it would be a great animated film but there's so much depth that gets lost.

• "Girls talk too much."

• "Get on with it, girl."
"My name is Wendy Moira Angela Darling."
"Wendy's enough." What a prick.

• That window is dangerously large. Kids would topple.

• Oh right. Let's jam the kiss thing in here.

• "My name is John."

• "She says you're a big ugly girl!" Disney's 14th Animated Feature: Girls Like Assholes.

• On our way to Neverland.

• "I've almost forgotten how to slit a throat."

• This Captain Hook is often among favorite villains lists...and I disagree. He's okay...and he has a couple great moments, but he's just too silly most of the time to be taken seriously.

• He did just kill someone in cold blood...for singing. Which speaks of psychopathy more than anything else.

• That bird is a hard sleeper

• "Some more of those scurvy brats." Just how many kids has he brought to Neverland?

• Here's the part where Tinkerbell tries to get Wendy killed by the Lost Boys...who are dressed in Furry pajamas for some reason.

• How is it an entire franchise has been built around this psychotically jealous twat pixie? People are all worried that Snow White, Cinderella and Aurora are negative influences, but at least they don't try to murder anyone. How is Tinkerbell a good influence? She's the most villainy of the non-villains. It's bullshit.

• Well, Peter banishing her is a start...

• "I shall try to be worthy of my post."

• "Injuns." "Quite savage, you know." UGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH.

• I cannot imagine the Lost Boys ever besting these Indians.

• "Didja miss me?"

• You're just encouraging him to be more of an asshole! STAHP!

• "And in her nightdress, too!"

• "We were only trying to drown her."

• "There is no path through water to the Happy Hunting Ground." See, when Hook is racist, it's okay because he's a villain and we're supposed to hate him.

• Comic gunplay.

• A rapier vs. a dagger?

• Ugh. I can't believe I ever liked a preteen boy. They're such assholes.

• "A jealous female can be tricked into anything."

• This "What Makes the Red Man Red?" part is just...sigh...a product of its time.

• "Good! This should be most enlightening." No, John. No.

• How come Tiger Lily gets to dance and Wendy has to fetch firewood?

• You tell her, Wendy.

• This is Hook at his best--manipulative gentleman.

• "...tossing her aside, LIKE AN OLD GLOVE."

• "It's that Wendy who's to blame!"

• "Take this down, Smee."

• "Big Chief greets Little Mother. HOW!" "Ugh." Ugh, indeed.

• "Everyone else thinks I'm wonderful." Everyone else is an asshat.

• "I had a white rat!"

• Who would want to come back?

• Tinkerbell tries to redeem herself...and Peter realizes how important she is to him...but it's all too little too late.

• Wendy, I understand your proper British girlness doesn't include piracy, but don't choose death.

•...and Tinkerbell survived a bomb going off. K.

• So why does Peter choose not to fly during this fight? Honor or something? That's a laugh.

• "Tinkerbell and the mermaids!" WHO TRIED TO KILL YOU, DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

• "Mary, I'm going to bed."

Final Thoughts

Man...I hate to do this.

So I watched this movie in two parts because that's how I had the time to do it and I was not in any rush to finish it, either. It was then that I realized I was not On the Fence and my feelings were far too negative to even feel Meh. So I have relegated Disney's Peter Pan to Something Amiss.

I never thought I'd see the day. But if I'm being perfectly honest, that's where it belongs. Even if I pretend Peter Pan 2003 doesn't exist, Disney's version is still so childish. The "family film" of the 1950s is going to be far more innocent than the "family film" of the 21st century--I get that--but even using those standards, it's still pretty Playskool.

Oh yeah. And Peter is an asshole. When one of the movie's main characters is so unlikable, it doesn't make for a very "fun" viewing experience. And while Wendy can be charming on her own and has much potential, you become frustrated with her misguided and dogged adoration of Peter. Thank goodness she goes back to London in the end.

As flawed as this version is, "Peter Pan" as a story--with its various characters and set pieces--is a creative masterpiece. Disney doesn't stray too far from the source material which helps this movie stay out of the Bottom of the Barrel. Plus, it looks good, there are a few quality moments, and there's that Nostalgia Factor I can't entirely shake.

The main problem with Disney's Peter Pan? I grew up.

Favorite Character

John Darling

Favorite Moment -- Captain Hook's manipulation of Tinkerbell.
Favorite Song -- "The Second Star to the Right"