Tarzan (1999)

Directed by Kevin Lima and Chris Buck
Written by Tab Murphy, Bob Tzudiker, and Noni White. Based on the novel Tarzan of the Apes by Edgar Rice Burroughs.
Premiered June 12, 1999
88 minutes
Rated G

Synopsis
Deep in the African jungle, a human baby is adopted by a female gorilla Kala (Glenn Close) after his parents are brutally attacked by a vicious cheetah. Kala's mate and leader of the pack Kerchak (Lance Henriksen) disapproves of the human intrusion and refuses to accept the baby--now named Tarzan--as a part of the family. Many years later, Tarzan (Tony Goldwyn) is a grown man still struggling to find his place among his gorilla mates but  nonetheless has a gorilla friend, Terk (Rosie O'Donnell) and elephant friend, Tantor (Wayne Knight). Tarzan's world changes drastically with the arrival of biologist and researcher Archimedes Q. Porter (Nigel Hawthorne) and his beautiful, intelligent daughter Jane (Minnie Driver). As Tarzan and Jane connect, the Porters' guide Clayton (Brian Blessed) is eager to kidnap the gorillas to be sold.

Before We Begin -- Part Une (written c. December, 2016)
By the time I was eleven years old, I really didn't care about Disney movies anymore. I was one of those eleven year old girls that liked boys and embraced puberty rather than one of those eleven year old girls who desperately tried to cling to her childhood by keeping her Barbies around. I just didn't care when Tarzan came out, although, I was still watching the Disney channel and saw heaps of previews and promotional material. Yes, Deep Canvas and surfing Tarzan, sure, whatever, please show me more Britney Spears music videos, now.

I eventually did see Tarzan. On the Disney channel. Like, a year later. I was bored, because by then I was twelve, soon to be in the seventh grade, and it really wasn't happening. But since the Disney Independent Study Course of 2006, I have seen Tarzan a good many times. And...it's...okay part of the time...good some of the time. Just not my favorite.

Before We Begin -- Part Deux (written c. February, 2017)
Soooooooooo.....if you're paying attention to the timeliness in which these blogs are posted, you make have noticed a huge gap. True, Christmas was partly to blame. But the other part was Tarzan itself, a movie I just can't get excited about. A movie that feels like an absolute chore until I get into it. But, shit or get off the pot, right?

Mötley Müsings

• Looks good.

•  Ugh. Phil Collins. Why him? Obviously the producers/directors must have been fanboys.

•  Those are some HUGE sausage curls.

• The treehouse is badass, we can all agree.

• Tarzan's mom is pretty.

• I mean, why didn't the cheetah eat the baby! It's not like he couldn't smell it.

•  And the cheetah has a name. Well, I suppose the gorillas could have named him.

•  We're only 7 ½ minutes in. Oh boy.

• Mama gorilla saves baby. Kala.

• How would Kala know what he is?

• Honestly, she should probably consult her life partner before adopting a child.

• “Tarzan? Okay, he's your baby.” My reaction to basically everyone's baby name choices.

• “You'll Be in My Heart”. Best Original Song winner at the 1999 Academy Awards and the best song in the film. EASILY.

•  So green! I like the green.

•  All right, the Baby Tarzan section was okay, but this Kid Tarzan section is downright...arg, arg, grumble, grumble.

• Oh yeah. The days when you would put Rosie O'Donell in your movie...

• “Terk, can I come?”
“Yeah, if you could keep up. But, you know, you can't really keep up.”
HE DOESN'T QUITE FIT IN.

•  So is Terk his friend or not? More like a frenemy, it seems. She's far too concerned with fitting in with the other gorilla children. Which, this sort of thing is accurate to childhood, but Terk is still a jerk.

• The elephant hair mission...it just goes on, doesn't it?

• Emo Tarzan. Ugh...I just don't care about this child's problems. Why do I not have sufficient sympathy for him? Adult Tarzan is just fine.

• Time for another song. Montage: Tarzan tries to learn what he is. And he becomes a vine swinging, tree surfing adult. I'm coming aboard.

• Ah, Newman from Seinfeld, because NINETIES.

• That damn cheetah! How come the cheetah can't speak? Or does he just let his teeth and claws do the talking?

• The backgrounds in this are seriously amazing. Such texture!

• Kerchak, how can you still have a problem with Tarzan?

• A fart joke. Never a good sign.

• A gunshot! Humans! YAY! The good part of the movie.

• Maybe now is the time to talk a little bit about the book... Tarzan of the Apes was written by Edgar Rice Burroughs and published in 1912. Tarzan was the son of a pair of shipwrecked nobles—Lord and Lady Greystoke. The mom dies of, I don't know, let's just say “womanly sickness” and the dad is killed by Kerchak, the wicked leader of the apes. Tarzan is adopted by Kala, eventually kills Kerchak and becomes leader of the apes himself. Then along come the Porters who are accompanied by Tarzan's cousin, William Cecil Clayton, who is current Lord of Greystoke, because, you know, the original Lord went missing in the African jungle and somebody needed to do the job.

• Jane! One of the most underrated Disney heroines! Partly, because there is no way she can be a princess. (Just a lowly Lady if they followed through with Tarzan reclaiming his birthright as an English noble.

• Jane is a little bit of a rehashing of Belle. And not just because of the brown hair and yellow dress. (Love the bustle! Don't like the color. But they were obviously going for contrast against the GREEN GREEN GREEN of the jungle. Plus, something like safari gear always being khaki, I'm assuming.) But anyway, Jane is obviously intellectual and has an adventurous spirit, but she's far more neurotic and excitable compared to Belle. That also fits with the tone of the movie.

• Oh, and she has a short, eccentric, elderly father. Archimedes is cool, tho.

• Yes, love the bustle! The shorter hemline is inaccurate but the most practical part of her clothing for traveling through the jungle.

• And Tarzan's all twitterpated because HUMAN WOMAN.

• “Oh, look, bananas!” Minnie Driver is charming. A very good casting choice. Did you know the original Jane was American? #themoreyouknow

• This rescue is great. Definitely one of my favorite action sequences in all the DAFs.

• She's probably never seen a man that unclothed before.

• At least she tried to hit him for invading her personal space.

• “Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!”

• This is a very romantic and intimate scene.

• But here's “Trashin' the Camp” to come and fart all over this movie's earlier attempt at maturity. A total waste of time. Terk, Tantor, and friends marvel at Victorian technology and then destroy it. Let's not the forget the kids watching! They need something to entertain themselves seeing as how the previous scene was totally not for them.

• “And, Daddy, they took my boot! And I was saved! I was saved by a flying wild man in a loincloth!”

• Kerchak = Chief Powhatan. Tarzan = Pocahontas. Jane = John Smith.

• Oh good, Jane is wearing something far more practical.

• Damn, she can draw as well as a Disney animator.

• “Oh, shall I leave you and the blackboard alone for a moment?”

• “If I can teach a parrot to sing "God Save the Queen", then I can certainly teach this savage a thing or two.”

• The music...just doesn't lure me in.

• Tarzan falls in love with Jane while he learns about humanity. Jane starts wearing a camisole because it's probably way too fucking hot and humid in the jungle to keep wearing that long sleeved bustle getup.

• “Jane must stay with Tarzan.”

• Clayton uses Tarzan's love for Jane to get him to reveal the gorillas. Right from the Captain Hook playbook. "Even if you hadn't grown up a savage, you'd be lost. There are no trails through a woman's heart."

• IT'S A TRAP.

• So....yeah...I stopped watching this because I got bored...and now I'm back. With twenty-six minutes to go.

• Tarzan protects Clayton from angry Kerchak.

• Not a man, not a gorilla. WHERE DOES HE BELONG!?

• Kala helps him decide when she shows Tarzan's parents' badass treehouse.

• Dapper.

• I don't like Terk.

• But, oh no! Clayton is going to kidnap all the gorillas!

• “I've had it with you and your emotional constipation!” Okay...that's pretty funny.

• You guys really weren't suspicious? Really?

•  Animal friends to the rescue! They've got to be good for something.

• How is it suddenly nighttime?

• Strangled by vines...and Tarzan tried to save him.

• Kerchak is all humbled and calls him son...this is so...lazy?

• And it's raining because SAD. (Wow, I'm getting bitchy.)

• Is he going to take his place on Pride Rock and roar? Nope, just a chest beat.

• Jane jumps ship. Nice kiss. Very nice. Yes, yes.

• Jane has a bikini now. Boy is she going to miss some things....some feminine hygiene type things.

Final Thoughts

Well...I think it's very telling that it took me three separate tries and several months to get through Tarzan, don't you think? I obviously don't like it that much. I like portions of it, certainly. Pretty much anytime Jane is on screen and speaking. I like Tarzan and Archimedes, too. If Clayton were given a deeper motivation beyond making paper, he would be a more compelling villain. I can't help but think of the Beast vs. Gaston in Beauty and the Beast as an example of hero/villain foils. Who is the real beast? (Which also applies to Quasimodo and Frollo in The Hunchback of Notre Dame too. We'll get there.) The movie tries to put this out there in a half-assed sort of way. ("Not a man like you!") But there's just not enough. Also the loving adoptive mother and the cold-shouldered father figure seem...overplayed? There is nothing really fresh here.

It's a common belief that Tarzan marked the end of the Disney Renaissance. It's a belief indeed held by me. Tarzan just feels tired, you know? Another big, epic musical. Another heteronormative love story. Another Academy Award nomination (and win) in the Best Original Song category. It's a little paint by numbers and the burn out is showing around the edges. No wonder Disney wanted to branch out with something new. And hey, fine. Dinosaur is a worthy experiment, at least visually. Fantasia 2000 finally got Roy Disney to shut up. I don't really have the time to get into The Emperor's New Groove, but the end result is zany, buddy picture fun. But not everything worked (Atlantis, cough! Brother Bear, cough, cough!) which is why we're now back to singing princesses. Fine by me.

The hallowed Renaissance had to come to end some time and it could have been worse. The stunning visuals and Jane Porter save Tarzan from the Meh pile and just barely at that.

(On a personal and rather selfish note,  my entire childhood was basically enveloped by the Disney Renaissance. The Little Mermaid was released when I was 1 ½ and Tarzan was released when I was eleven. #humblebrag.)

Favorite Character

Jane Porter

Favorite Moment -- Tarzan and Jane's first meeting.
Favorite Song -- "You'll Be in My Heart" performed by Glenn Close and Phil Collins