The Emperor's New Groove (2000)

Directed by Mark Dindal
Written by David Reynolds
Premiered December 15, 2000
77 minutes
Rated G

Synopsis
Incan Emperor Kuzco (David Spade) is a spoiled and unfeeling ruler who plans to build his summer home on the land of kind-hearted peasant Pacha (John Goodman). Pacha begs for Kuzco to reconsider, but he is too selfish. Meanwhile, Kuzco's advisor Yzma (Eartha Kitt) has been fired and in retaliation, she attempts to poison him. However, her brawny and dim-witted assistant Kronk (Patrick Warburton) spikes Kuzco's drink with the wrong potion and he is turned into a llama. Kuzco has no choice but to ask for Pacha's help to restore his humanity and remove Yzma from his usurped throne.

Before We Begin
Troubled productions abound in the Disney canon. Most people would vote for The Black Cauldron as taking the cake as The Most Troubled, but my vote goes to The Emperor's New Groove due to the major story and tone changes between pre-production and the final execution. The Black Cauldron started as a dark and violent sword & sorcery epic with a shameless dose of Star Wars and ended up much the same, with a couple of the more violent portions axed by Jeffrey Katzenberg. (You could maybe make a similar argument for Frozen considering how many story changes it endured, but it was always going to be a fairy tale musical.)

The Emperor's New Groove began life as Kingdom of the Sun, a pre-Columbus South American version of Mark Twain's The Prince and the Pauper. It was going to be one of the more Serious Disney musicals, by way of The Lion King or The Hunchback of Notre Dame. However, some shit went down* and by the time the film was released to theaters in late 2000, it was a wacky buddy comedy starring David Spade and John Goodman with one musical number and an (Oscar nominated) end credits song by Sting.

Although no one will ever now what exactly happened, I'm going to point the finger at Renaissance burnout, at least partly. The animation department was simply growing weary of the classic story/character/premise, big music, big villain, big love story formula. Something wasn't working so to salvage the product, they overhauled it completely. All things considered, The Emperor's New Groove is a success, a strange outlier in the New Millennium era of Disney because of the fact that most people like it. You have your Lilo & Stitch fangirls and Treasure Planet cult followers, sure, but The Emperor's New Groove is the only DAF from 2000-2004 to get a resounding thumbs up.

*If you want to know more about the shit that went down, try to locate The Sweatbox, a documentary filmed by Sting's wife about this film's tortured production.

Mötley Müsings
• All right...FINALLY gettin' to it. Go me.

• This movie is such an outlier. It doesn't really feel Disney, not in the way Chicken Little doesn't feel Disney, but it's so different coming after the Renaissance that it feels like it belongs to someone else.

• Oh, David Spade...where you at now?

• The baby version of a Disney hero is always cute.

• All the kids love Tom Jones.

• Selfish narcissist royal learns a lesson. It's been done before and a LOT worse than here.

• "Let me guess, you have a great personality."

• Kuzco is pretty insufferable and if we didn't have Yzma and Kronk stuff, it would be difficult to get through.

• I'm watching this on an admittedly poor quality VHS, but this looks CHEAP.

• "GROOOOVE."

• How in the hell did Yzma get to be an advisor? A woman! What!?

• Kronk. The reason everyone likes this movie. Without Kronk this thing would be forgotten. Meet the Robinsons forgotten.

• So...Pacha doesn't really have an arc. He's a good person and a victim of Kuzco's selfishness. I'm just saying it would be nice if he learned SOMETHING from his experience helping Kuzco, like if his character happened to be a doormat and he needed to learn to be a little selfish. #splittinghairs

• "It's my birthday gift to me!"

• INSUFFERABLE. Thank God for Kronk. THANK GOD FOR KRONK.

• "I practically raised him."
"Yeah, you'd think he would've turned out better."

• If you're going to use a celebrity to voice your villain, make sure that celebrity has a distinct voice like Eartha Kitt. Nice choice.

• "Oh right, the poison. The poison for Kuzco, the poison chosen especially to kill Kuzco. Kuzco's poison."

• Why would Kuzco be eating dinner with his FIRED political advisor?

• Are we really supposed to believe Kronk and Yzma are a thing?

• The shoulder angel and devil is such a cliché but it works wonderfully here.

• "I'm going to lead you down the path that ROCKS."

• "No, no, he's got a point."

• Kuzco is basically a mean high school girl. But he's a guy, so it's refreshing.

• Pacha's wife is the first visibly pregnant Disney character. We've come a long way from the stork bringing Dumbo...

• "I gotta go wash something." Yeah, I clean when I'm upset too.

• "Demon llama! Where?"

• Seriously, how many DAFs have one character guiding another on a journey? Like 12?

• Are there squirrels in South America?

• You know what's refreshing? I don't think there's any monologue from Kuzco about how his parents spoiled him and he can't help being a entitled dickhead. This movie never gets deep. Once again, refreshing.

• Pacha. Unfailingly optimistic and patient and kind.

• So Yzma is the Empress cause there's no other living family members.

• Pacha's kids are annoying. But what kids aren't annoying? #buhdumtish

• I wouldn't trust him. To be fair, I wouldn't trust any seventeen year olds.

• Llama on a crappy rope bridge. Disney's done this before in Saludos Amigos. But I doubt anyone who worked on this film new that.

• K, I'm getting really tired of dickhead Kuzco. Time for some redemption to begin.

• The fat jokes and old hag Yzma jokes....man, this movie is almost 20 years old, isn't it?

• "She's not the easiest person to get close to. There's a wall there."

• Farce. Farce, farce. You gotta just lean back and watch it.

• Llama Kuzco sitting alone in the rain. Here's the evening of introspection. 

• Yeah, Kronk and Yzma aren't even sharing a tent. They are not a thing.

• "The peasant at the diner!...He didn't pay his check."

• "Tell us where the talking llama is and we'll burn your house to ground."
"Er, don't you mean or?"
"Tell us where the talking llama is or we'll burn your house to ground."
"Well, which is it? That sounds like a pretty crucial conjunction."

• "Just think of it as you're being let go, that your life's going in a different direction, that your body's part of a permanent outplacement."
"Hey, that's kinda like what he said to you when you got fired."
"I know. It's called a "cruel irony", like my dependence on you."

• "Hey, I've been turned into a cow. Can I go home?"

• Ending chase scene finale action stuff...you know I never comment on the action.

• Sooooo...I think Kuzco turned nice a little too fast, right?

Final Thoughts

So, I think I know why I put this one off for so long. Obviously, there's always life and the holidays and some big stuff happened at the end of 2017 aka WE BOUGHT A HOUSE!

Ahem.

But I had a lot of time well before that  (like June through most of November!) and I just kept procrastinating. Until today. The Emperor's New Groove came out when I was twelve going on thirteen, a time in my life when I was not into Disney movies. And even if I was at that age where I was motivated to see Disney movies, it lacked the princesses and romance and big Broadway songs I had become so accustomed to, so it was never going to be my favorite anyway. Therefore, I didn't see today's movie until I marathoned ALL the DAFs in high school.

The Emperor's New Groove is a comedy, perhaps the purest straight up comedy in the whole Disney canon. There are no tragic back stories, no sad moments, nothing deep. It has very low stakes and it just doesn't make me feel anything beyond amusement. It's very slight. The characters are all pretty cliché (with the shining exception of Kronk) and it feels like an extra long Saturday morning cartoon.

This isn't a bad thing, and yes it's nice that this movie doesn't shove in some bullshit about Kuzco's neglectful parents, but it's never going to put The Emperor's New Groove at the top of my list. I am still fond of it, yes, but I don't think it deserves any explanation beyond that.

Yay...now I get to move on!

Favorite Character

Kronk

Favorite Moment -- Anything with Kronk's shoulder angel and devil.
Favorite Song -- "My Funny Friend and Me" performed by Sting...cause why not? He should get something out of this experience.