The Rescuers (1977)

Directed by Wolfgang Reitherman, John Lounsbery, and Art Stevens
Written by Larry Clemmons, Vance Gerry, Ken Anderson, Frank Thomas, Burny Mattinson, Fred Lucky, Dick Sebast, David Michener, and Ted Berman. Based on The Rescuers and Miss Bianca by Margery Sharp
Premiered June 22, 1977
77 minutes
Rated G

Synopsis
The Rescue Aid Society, an international group of mice who help people in trouble, discover a bottle with message requesting help from a little girl named Penny (Michelle Stacy). The Hungarian representative, the glamourous Miss Bianca (Eva Gabor) volunteers and requests the superstitious American janitor Bernard (Bob Newhart) be her partner on the mission. After some sleuthing, the pair discover the little girl had been kidnapped by trashy pawn shop owner Madame Medusa (Geraldine Page) and taken to Devil's Bayou, Louisiana. After flying down to Louisiana on the back of albatross Orville (Jim Jordan), Bianca and Bernard are helped by other local "rescuers" who want Medusa and her toadie Snoops (Joe Flynn) out of their bayou.

Before We Begin
It's a common opinion that the era of Disney animation after Walt's death was a dark period indeed. From The Aristocats all the way to Oliver & Company, the company struggled to find its footing financially and creatively. There were more misses than hits but the biggest hit by far was 1977's The Rescuers. This can probably chalked up to the fact that it was made at time when the original Nine Old Men were passing the torch to the young bloods, so there was a mixture of practiced skill and a breath of fresh air.

On a personal note, I don't remember how old I was, or where I was, or under what circumstances I first saw The Rescuers. I'll say “childhood”. That's the best I can do. This was yet another DAF I did not grow up with nor one I actively sought out at the video store. No princesses, mind you. But I don't hold that against it anymore.

Mötley Müsings
• Cold opening. Already different from every other Disney movie that came before. Very dark and eerie. The music is atmospheric. "Who will rescue me....?"

• This song called "The Journey", by the way. So lovely in that 70s way.

• This matte painting beginning is interesting...

• Songs sung by Shelby Flint. Who is Shelby Flint? A singer-songwriter from the 60s, it seems. Okay. Her voice is pleasant enough.

• I didn't know there were that many women in the United Nations in 1977. #themoreyouknow

• Love that mouse with the Afro!

• There's a representative from Austria and Vienna, and yet just one for all of Africa.

• Where is Eva Gabor from? Hungary.

• "Bring in the bottle."

• The leader of the R.A.S. was totally animated by Don Bluth. You can see it.

• "You? Miss Bianca? Why, this is unprecedented. I mean, it's not like it was in the old days, when it was a man's world. But, I guess there's a first time for everything." Yeah!

• But Bernard is trying to be chivalrous.

• "Gentlemen, who will volunteer?" Why can't she have a female partner? What are you saying, Disney? JK. This is actually pretty progressive considering the representation of females in The Jungle Book, The Aristocats, and Robin Hood. And many others that came well before.

• All right. Bernard and Bianca are headed to Penny's orphanage.

• Rufus the cat! (Also Don Bluth's) But seriously, Disney, you need more cats! He has a moustache and glasses for pete's sake!

• Oh, Penny. Well...she's very...sweet, isn't she? Most people complain about Penny and her baby voice (someone named Michelle Stacy who was in a bunch of 70s TV shows) and her "annoying kiddieness" but trust me when I say she is nothing compares to Koda from Brother Bear.

• Madame Medusa tried to give Penny a ride, but she rejected it. At least the kid ain't dumb even though she desperately wants to get adopted. I choose to believe Medusa and Snoops kidnapped her.

• Medusa is an underrated villainess. Look at that blue eye shadow!

• Women drivers, am I right!?

• Let's talk about Bianca for a sec. She is composed, elegant, and undeniably feminine while also being brave, quick-witted and unafraid to take on a dangerous mission. She is a great role model because she shows us girls that it's okay not being a karate chopping, sword wielding warrior princess. We can have adventure, thrive on our wits, and look and smell good while doing it.

• "It's just like being on a rollerscoter."

• "Tomorrow is Another Day" is a great 70s jam. Check out that penny whistle.

• Penny tries to run away again! No Stockholm Syndrome for her!

• What's the deal with Medusa and Snoops? Huh? Lovers? Friends? [eyebrows waggling]

• And this romance between Bernard and Bianca is developing nicely. Nothing forced, just here it is... Why should they fall in love, you ask? Why shouldn't they?

• "It's good for what ails ya..."

• This music is great!

• Where'd he get that rope?

• "Poor Evinrude, your carburetor is all pooped out."

• "All she thinks about is that simple bear."

• I think they were trying for a Shirley Temple angle with Penny.

• I forgot how many "stunts" Bianca and Bernard do.

• "You are too soft."

• Medusa's evil plan: send someone small--like a child--down a hole to fetch a big ass diamond.

• Bianca's trying to rescue Bernard from the alligators! #feministdisney

• All right, this organ bit is just filler.

• Bernard in Bianca's hat is funny.

• She has a bloody shotgun!? #comicgunplay

• Penny has a stick figure drawing of "Mom" and "Dad" pinned to her wall. Never noticed that before. Sad.

• This scene is brutal.

• Yuck. This is where my aversion to false eyelashes comes from.

• "What makes you think anyone would want a homely little girl like you?" Seriously teared up just then.

• "Someone's Waiting for You" was nominated for an Oscar. It lost to "You Light Up My Life" like everything else that year.

• Bambi and his mom. Why not?

• I mean, no wonder why she's so attached to her Teddy bear.

• "...because running away isn't working."'

• "Didn't you bring somebody big with you? Like the police?"

• Penny even thinks of the elevator as a cage for Brutus and Nero. "Oh, they'll eat anything." And she has a sense of humor. You know what? People need to stop hating on Penny.

• That turtle is wearing a Confederate kepi hat.

• Medusa is holding Teddy captive.

• It's gotta be so gross down there.

• Precut and everything. It's as big as her head!

• All right, you have the damn diamond, now send Penny back to the orphanage.

• Yeah, that's a great lesson: a drop of moonshine'll get ya goin'.

• Hey, Ellie Mae--a female--is the leader of the Rescue Aid Society: Hee Haw Chapter. #feministdisney

• Medusa is hiding the diamond inside Teddy.

• "I put the diamond in the coat. AND I PUT THE COAT ON HER!"

• The diamond goes to the Smithsonian, Penny gets adopted, and she gets to keep Rufus.

• Bernard and Bianca set off another adventure! To Australia perhaps?????


Final Thoughts

Definitely ranked this too low. Definitely. I am discovering that my On the Fence category may just be a holding pattern for movies I don't know what to do with. A purgatory, if you will. Fine. I am happy to promote The Rescuers.

It's just enjoyable. Bianca and Bernard have great unforced chemistry. The mystery is compelling enough. Penny is, at the very least, sympathetic and resourceful. Medusa is an underrated villain that I frankly wish there was more of. And supporting characters are all memorable in a non-annoying way.

When one is watching the DAFs in chronological order, it is a very bright spot indeed, which maybe makes it seem better than it is. But I'm not doing it that way this time so I guess that means The Rescuers is pretty damn good. Woot woot.

Favorite Character

Rufus

Favorite Moment -- Medusa emotionally abuses Penny. (It's intense!)
Favorite Song -- "Someone's Waiting for You" performed by Shelby Flint

The Sword in the Stone (1963)

Directed by Wolfgang Reitherman
Written by Bill Peet. Based on The Sword in the Stone by T.H. White.
Premiered December 25, 1963
79 minutes
Rated G

Synopsis
In the Dark Ages, Uther Pendragon leaves England without an heir and vows whoever draws his sword Excalibar from a stone shall be King of England. Many years later, a young orphan boy named Arthur, nicknamed Wart (Rickie Sorenson, Richard Reitherman, and Robert Reitherman) works as a drudge for his athletic, boorish foster brother Kay (Norman Alden) and his father Sir Ector (Sebastian Cabot). However, Wart's luck changes when he meets magical wizard Merlin (Karl Swenson) who claims Wart is destined for bigger things. By turning Wart into a fish, a squirrel and a bird, Merlin teaches him valuable life lessons such as "brains over brawn" as he prepares him for a life on the throne.

Before We Begin
Ah...The Sword in the Stone. One of several DAFs I didn't grow up with. I do have vague memories of watching it with some kids while my dad drank beer with their dad and we were left in the care of Uncle TV and Auntie VCR. I remember having absolutely no opinion. It lacked princesses, therefore I never requested to rent it after that initial viewing.

In later years, I found it charming enough but sorely lacking in various ways.

Mötley Müsings
• Fact: I'm not all that up on Arthurian legend. I've seen some movies and a pretty terrible Starz miniseries called Camelot. I have not read The Once and Future King.

• The book! I love the book opening!

• Sebastian Cabot!

• Oh yeah, there's this wolf that appears over and over, always trying to eat Wart. Adds nothing.

• "One big medieval mess!"

• So Merlin is a time traveler and thinks the middle ages suck. He has a pocket watch and a tea set. But no iPhone. Of course...how would he charge it?

• Look! It's Bambi's mom! But we know Kay doesn't kill her because she dies from a gunshot.

• Damn, those are some gnarly woods.

• Archimedes is a jerk.

• A choo-choo train!

• This. This all day long.

• This sugar bowl!

• Tea wasn't drunk in England until the arrival of Charles II's Portuguese wife Catherine of Braganza. The court disliked her but they eventually went bonkers for tea.

• "Impudent piece of crockery!"

• I'm going to blame the lowish quality of these songs on the higher quality of Mary Poppins's songs. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious > Higitus Figitus.

• Why do wizards have such long beards? It's not like chicks having long hair; we can put it up and out of the way if we need or want. Beards are always out there, getting caught in things and catching food. I suppose it's to symbolize age and wisdom. "I'm so busy practicing spells, I have no time to shave."

• Three kids voiced Wart because production took so long. Puberty is cruel mistress.

• Why is Archimedes even around? What purpose does he serve?

• The London Times won't be out for 1200 years...which means this film is set in 585 AD.

• The English people are tired of waiting around for someone to pull the sword from the stone and so they're going to have a tournament (jousting and such) to determine who will become king. Well...they're not really English people are they?

• First lesson! Wart is turned into a fish to learn brains are more important than brawn. Out swimming (and out thinking) your opponent.

• "When he stays out all night, he's always grumpy the next morning." "Then he must stay out every night."

• Well, Archimedes did something nice. Good for him.

• Merlin helps Wart cheat at chores, which is what most of us would use magic for.

• Second lesson! Always look before you leap...as a squirrel.

• I like Squirrel Merlin's mustache.

• Oh no. The girl squirrel.

• "And a redhead, at that." What the hell is that supposed to mean, Merlin?

• "I'm afraid magic can't solve this problem."

• Do squirrels really mate for life? No, according to the internet.

• Oh no, a FAT squirrel with GAP TEETH wants Merlin. It's not so funny when it's happening to you, is it?

• Wart's squirrel comes to his rescue!

• "I am an ugly, horrible, grouchy old man!"

• "Ah, you know, lad, that love business is a powerful thing. "Greater than gravity?" "Well, yes, boy. In its way, I'd, uh... Yes, I'd say it's the greatest force on earth."

• SO SAD.

• "Just because you don't understand something, doesn't mean it's wrong." Too true.

• "The world is ROUND?"

• Cursive! They don't even teach cursive anymore!

• See? Beards are nothing but trouble.

• Shut up, already, Archimedes.

• Third lesson! Flying! Because that exactly the sort of thing a king should know how to do!

• Madame Mim's roof is shaped like a witch's hat! Never noticed that.

• Who is Madame Mim, you ask? You see, there's a serious lack of conflict in this movie so they shoved in a witch. She and Merlin have contest where they turn into a bunch of different animals (re: fun for the animators). What does this teach Wart?

• Still waiting to find out what this teaches Wart...

• "Knowledge and wisdom is the real power."

• What's Merlin and Mim's history? When they do the live action reboot, we'll find out.

• If there's no king, how the fuck did Kay get knighted?

• Merlin is mad because Wart is settling to be a squire instead expanding his mind.

• Who the hell has a tournament in winter, when there's snow on the ground! It's Britain! It's cold!

• Oh no, Wart forgot Kay's sword. Better find another one...Hey look, there's one sticking out of that stone...

• "GIVE THE BOY A CHANCE."

• "Why, they might even make a motion picture about you. "Motion picture?" "Oh. Heh-heh-heh, uh, well, uh, that's something like television... heh-heh... without commercials."

Final Thoughts

So here's the thing about The Sword in the Stone...it's underwhelming. Arthurian legend is huge. There is so much story and so many characters and as we have seen, so many ways those stories can be told and ways those seemingly hundreds of characters can be presented.

And this is what Disney chose to do.

To be fair, showing Arthur's not-yet-so-grand childhood and his introduction to Merlin is going to be the most relatable to America's animated feature going youth in 1963. Yes, fine, I understand not going into his relationship with his cheating wife or the bastard he fathered with his sister. But it's still so very...lacking. The animal transformation lessons are insubstantial. Wart should be learning history, economics, foreign languages, etc. instead of what it's like to fly.

Then there's the slow as molasses in January pace, more godawful xeroxography animation, and the music...oh, the music.

Everyone praises the Sherman Brothers as this great duo of musical genius, but I respectfully disagree. They are okay bordering on great, but only when it comes to Mary Poppins. Just look at this film. All of the songs are just...watery and unmemorable and barely qualify as songs since they are talk-sung ala Rex Harrison. The Sword in the Stone was the first DAF musically helmed by the duo and their reign of pleasantly banal ditties continued until 1977's The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh.

But wait a minute. If I'm complaining so much, why don't I put this in the Meh pile or Something Amiss? Well, because I like it anyway. I never dread watching The Sword in the Stone when I come upon it. Then again, it's never going to be the first film I snatch off the shelf. I LOL at some of the jokes, I like Wart's Everyboy-ness and Merlin's stereotypical bumbling. And the tone of the whole thing is charming, simplistic, cozy and likable.

By the swinging 60's, Old Walt had pretty much lost interest in his animation studio and was mostly concentrating on his television and theme park endeavors. Although Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs was a BIG! FUCKING! DEAL! after its 1937 release, I doubt the man could have known that Disney Animated Feature™®© would become the home video legacy that it is. Nor could he know how eagerly these films would be compared and contrasted to the delight and disdain of snarky millennials, typing away on their blogs at three in the morning. Perhaps if he had known, The Sword in the Stone's production would have been a bit tighter.

Of all the possible DAFs that could fall victim to Disney's recent penchant for live action remakes, I think The Sword in the Stone is the one I would most want to see...because it has the most potential for improvement. The Jungle Book? Beauty and the Beast? The motherfucking Lion King? Those are already good movies. They don't need remakes. (We will discuss Cinderella later.) And guess what? Apparently it is getting remade. Hooray.

Favorite Character

Sugar Bowl

Favorite Moment -- Wart and Merlin's first meeting.
Favorite Song -- "The Sword in the Stone" performed by Fred Darian

The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (1977)

Directed by John Lounsbery and Wolfgang Reitherman
Written by Larry Clemmons, Ralph Wright, Vance Gerry, Xavier Atencio, Ken Anderson, Julius Svendsen, Ted Berman, and Eric Cleworth. Based on Winnie-the-Pooh by A.A. Milne.

Premiered March 11, 1977
74 minutes
Rated G

Synopsis
Three previously released shorts featuring young Christopher Robin's (Bruce Reitherman, Jon Walmsley, Timothy Turner) gluttonous stuffed bear Winnie the Pooh (Sterling Holloway) and his companions neurotic Piglet (John Fiedler), practical Rabbit (Junius Matthews), manic Tigger (Paul Winchell), depressed Donkey Eeyore (Ralph Wright), astute Owl (Hal Smith), kind-hearted Kanga (Barbara Luddy) and her son Roo (Clint Howard, Dori Whitaker) are combined into one film and narrated by Sebastian Cabot.

Before We Begin
First, a little history: the three shorts that make up The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh were originally released in 1966, 1968, and 1974. Walt Disney intended to make a full length film featuring Pooh & co., but he wanted to familiarize Americans with the characters first hence the shorts. However, Walt died in late 1966. By the mid 70s, Disney animation was struggling hardcore and thought, "Hey, you know what worked so well before when we were in the middle of a shit show? Packaging together shorts."

But this time it worked. You have the same group of characters, same animation style, same charming themes, same song writers. It doesn't feel forced, bless its heart.

It wasn't so long ago that I "reviewed" 2011's Winnie the Pooh and in that post, I explained my history and relationship with A.A. Milne's classic characters--that it basically didn't exist until I finally forced myself to watch 1977's The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh while in the midst of my Disney Animated Feature glom. I was surprised that I actually liked it, Pooh bear and his ilk being a favorite among preschoolers and childish women with no fashion sense.

You might also recall that 2011's Winnie the Pooh was formerly in my Something Amiss category and was bumped up to On the Fence. Given that epiphany, maybe The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh should be elevated to the next category as well. I know I like this one more than that one, even without a rewatch. But frankly, I am rather tired of the package/segmented films, so I am going with my original gut reaction: On the Fence.

But why? I'm guessing it has something to do with Tigger.

Mötley Müsings
• I'm watching this on Netflix because I am too lazy to hook up my VCR at this moment. Also, I want to see if it looks any better. (Of course it does.)

• Live action room!

• Don Bluth worked on this... tsk, tsk, tsk

• Sebastian Cabot! Love his voice.

• Sandy Pit Where Roo Plays. Clever name.

• Yeah. Fuck this looks good for something animated in the 60s.

• Segment #1 -- "Winnie the Pooh and the Honey Tree". In which Pooh searches for honey, pisses of some bees and then eats so much he gets stuck in Rabbit's doorway.

• "I improve my appetite when I exercise."

• "I am short, fat, proud of that."

• He has a framed picture of a honey pot.

• "Only reason for being a bee is to make honey. And the only reason for making honey is so I can eat it." Sound logic.

• I sing this "Rumbly in My Tumbly" song. I also say "Oh bother" a lot.

• Christopher Robin is wearing Mary Janes. And he has an American accent. But sometimes he tries to do British.

• "It's not much of a tail. But I'm sort of attached to it."

• "I'm a little black rain cloud, of course."

• "Tut, tut! It looks like rain!"

• "Honey rhymes with bunny, and bunny rhymes with..." "Rabbit?"

• Rabbit! Disney needs more bunnies!

• Condensed milk on bread. This is the second time I've heard of that. Wonder if it's any good...

• At least Rabbit has a second exit.

• I think I prefer Craig Ferguson's Owl.

• "After all, he's not in the book, you know." Yeah. Gopher isn't in the book. Let's draw attention to it.

• Dont FEED the Bear.

• Segment #2 -- "Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day". In which Owl's house is destroyed by a "mild spring zephyr", Pooh gets a visit from Tigger, then has a nightmare about Heffalumps and Woozles, and the Hundred Acre Wood gets flooded.

• This one won an Oscar for Best Animated Short!

• Those reeds are from The Old Mill.

• Oh. Gopher's in this one too.

• "Windsday".

• Hey, Piglet wasn't in the last one. Bummer.

• It's a rather blustery day out here!

• "Thanks for noticing me."

• Awesome treehouse, Owl.

• Just noticed Pooh is wearing V-neck now.

• Oh no. Oh no. It's...Tigger.

• "I'm Tigger!" "You said that."

• I need a drink.

• Psychedelic nightmare with ties to "Pink Elephants on Parade". Whoa. Well, it was the 60s.

• This does not further the plot.

• "The rain rain rain came down down down...!"

• So Tigger's part of the gang now?

• Eeyore finds a house for Owl, but it's Piglet's house! Why doesn't Piglet (or any of the others) speak up? What is this nonsense! And it's not like Piglet owes Owl anything! Does he? Did I miss something?

• "Hip Hip Pooh Ray" sounds like "Hail the Princess Aurora".

• Segment #3 -- "Winnie the Pooh and Tigger Too". In which Tigger is annoying so Rabbit demands he stop bouncing.

• This one did not win an Oscar, but it was nominated.

• "Now, is the next chapter all about me?" "No, it's mostly about Tigger. "Oh bother." Oh bother, indeed.

• Yeah, Tigger! You wrecked Rabbit's garden! You're a dickweed!

• Break his spirit, eh? Works for me.

• But of course it's going to backfire.

• Am I imagining things or is that chomping caterpillar from "Bongo"?

• I like this changing of the seasons...probably spring or summer in "Honey Tree", definitely fall in "Blustery Day" and now winter.

• There haven't been any new songs yet.

• Tigger is not invincible! He has a fear of heights!

• Rabbit is the epitome of schadenfreude. He brings it out in me, too.

• Don't write checks your butt can't cash, Tigger.

• And now Tigger's going to convert Rabbit with bouncing...which makes sense given that he's a bunny.

• Segment #4 -- "Chapter X: In Which Christopher Robin and Pooh Come to the Enchanted Place and We Say Goodbye"

• This is last segment was created to wrap it all up. Very sweet and necessary.

• "...and where a place called Brazil is."

• "You know something Pooh? I'm not going to do just nothing any more." "You mean, never again?" "Well, not so much." Growing up sucks.

Final Thoughts
Um...Yeah...I think I'm right about The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh being On the Fence.

Don't get me wrong, I adore this movie. It is perfectly charming and pleasant and much like curling up with your favorite blanky. Sometimes regression can be a comfort. But...it suffers the same way Ichabod and Mr. Toad does--by putting the best segment first. I completely understand and respect Disney for ordering the segments chronologically. It obviously doesn't make much sense having "Tigger Too" come before Pooh's first meeting of him in "Blustery Day". However, I think the "entertainability" goes down hill from the first to the second to the third. That's just a bummer. Also, Tigger bugs me.

And the ending of "Blustery Day" gets my knickers in a twist.

Favorite Character

Rabbit

Favorite Moment -- Rabbit decorates Pooh's kiester.
Favorite Song -- "The Rain Rain Rain Came Down"

The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad (1949)

Directed by Jack Kinney, Clyde Geronimi, and James Algar
Written by Erdman Pnner, Winston Hibler, Joe Rinaldi, Ted Sears, Homer Brightman and Harry Reeves. Based on The Wind and the Willows by Kenneth Grahame and The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving.
Premiered October 5, 1949
68 minutes
Rated G

Synopsis
In this two part film, Basil Rathbone narrates the story of J. Thaddeus Toad, esq. (Eric Blore), a wealthy toad who develops a mania for motorcars. He is accused, tried, and convicted of stealing a a car and it's up to his friends, uptight Rat (Claude Allister), sweetie pie Mole (Colin Campbell), his put-upon bookkeeper Angus MacBadger (Campbell Grant), and his cockney horseCyril Proudfoot (J. Pat O'Malley) to rescue him. The second story is narrated by American crooner Bing Crosby and tells of gangly, gold-digging school teacher Ichabod Crane who sets his sights on Katrina van Tassel, daughter of the richest land owner in Tarrytown, New York. However, Katrina is the apple of local bully Brom Bones's eyes and he refuses to see her fall under Icky's spell. He plans to take his revenge at the van Tassels' annual Halloween party.

Before We Begin
Package films. This is the very last one. (If you ignore the likes of The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh and Fantasia 2000 which are segmented films, but not package films. And if you want to be a stickler, Ichabod has less "segments" than Many Adventures.) But this is 1949, still the Package Film era. This the last gasp. WWII has been over for four years. Disney has Cinderella in their fucking hand.

...but before that Grand Return to Form, we get The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad, formerly titled TWO FABULOUS CHARACTERS--one from 20th century British literature and the other from 19th century American literature. This "theme" makes a lot more sense than the throwing together of "Bongo" and "Mickey and the Beanstalk" which is akin to eating a handful of Cheez-Its followed by a handful of M&Ms--not the best idea, not the worst.

Before the war, The Wind in the Willows was set to be a stand alone, shortish cheapy film like Dumbo, but only parts of it got animated before Pearl Harbor. So it sat on the shelves while things like "Blame it on the Samba" came to be. After the war, Disney started to develop Sleepy Hollow into its own feature, but found it to be too short. Mr. Toad was just sitting there, collecting dust, so why not put them together?

Even if Mr. Toad and Ichabod Crane are sort of B-List lit characters (my apologies, but Elizabeth Bennett and Scarlett O'Hara they ain't), these are two short stories that work well when given the Disney treatment. Like many an American child, I recall watching the Ichabod half of this film at grade school Halloween parties. Mr. Toad was a stranger to me. I didn't see the whole thing until high school.

Mötley Müsings
• You should know I have not read The Wind in the Willows nor The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. I've seen Tim Burton's Sleepy Hollow. (Heh) So I won't be able to share what is "accurate" or not. Both are in the public domain. Maybe I should read them....

• The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad won the Golden Globe for Best Cinematography-Color. #themoreyouknow

• So even though Ichabod comes first in the title, we begin with Mr. Toad.

• Robin Hood. King Arthur. Becky Sharp, Sherlock Holmes. Oliver Twist. Four of these characters get the Disney treatment. Oh how I would love to see Disney take on Vanity Fair, though.

• I love Mr. Toad. So very British. I want tea and crumpets!

• MOLE! I love Mole! So adorable.

• This score sounds eerily similar to parts used in Cinderella.

• I am not going to question the logic of a toad owning a grand English manor house in a world where humans coexist.

• All right...you might wonder how I can like Toad while disliking Tigger so much since they share a manic energy. Well...Toad has a British accent.

• Oh, Mole. You are too cute for your britches.

• "A bit of a trotter, a bit of a rotter. How do you do? How do you do? How do you DO?"

• I like this edit. Toad badly wants a car and then he is shown on trial for stealing one. The audience doesn't know if he is guilty or not. (I mean, it's Disney, so probably not...but.)

• Fast talking bailiff is like fast talking Grand Duke at the end of Cinderella...hmmmmm...

• "Lord love a duck, yes! He's one of the jolliest chaps I've ever run across!"

• Weasels look like 30s gangsters to me.

• Toad sniffing exhaust...um

• Mr. Winkie is a dick.

• And suddenly it's Christmas.

• Toad is learning his lesson, but here comes Cyril--in drag--to break him out of the pen. And now Toad is dressed in drag. And they almost escape undetected.

• "And bless poor Toad." "And may he get time off for good behavior."

• "Well, this is a Merry Christmas."

• "The POLICE."

• Winkie in charge of the weasels is like Scar being in charge of the hyenas.

• Winkie and the Weasels is the name of my early 80s new wave band.

• "They been hittin' the bottle."

• This music is SO from Cinderella.

• And now it's New Year's.

• But joke's on them! Toad has a plane now! What next? A space ship? HAHAHAHAHA

• Meanwhile, across the pond...

• Bing Crosby. I am apparently related to him. #doxyfacts

• "Speaking of fabulous characters, England has produced a bumper crop of them. But don't forget, over here in the colonies, we've managed to come up with a few of our own. How about Paul Bunyan, Pecos Bill, Johnny Appleseed, Black Bart, Davy Crockett, Daniel Boone and, of course, the one and only Ichabod Crane."

Um, John "Johnny Appleseed" Chapman, Davy Crockett, and Daniel Boone were real people. And who the hell is Black Bart? (Er...apparently he was an outlaw in the Old West. Also a real guy.)

Let me help you out, Bing. "Speaking of fabulous characters, England has produced a bumper crop of them. But don't forget, over here in the colonies, we've managed to come up with a few of our own. How about Huckleberry Finn, Hester Prynne, Tom Joad, Captain Ahab, Jo March, and, of course, the one and only Ichabod Crane."

• Halloween is 11 days away.

• Ichabod is a name you don't hear any more. Kind of like Ebenezer. Or Adolf.

• Ye Olde Schnooker and Schnappes Shoppe

• Brom Bones is the 1940s Gaston.

• "No one gets animals drunk like Brom Bones."

• So...even though Ichabod looks like a lanky scarecrow and is a NERD, women seem to be very attracted to him. Is this from the original story?

• "Women's Tatting and Chatting Club". When can I join?

• He's a school teacher AND a singing coach?

• Katrina van Tassel, blooming lass, plump as a partridge. Totally looks like a sexier version of Cinderella. Probably the most ridiculous figure in animation history until Jessica Rabbit.

• "Well, the old goat can't take it with him." I ain't saying he's a gold digger, but he ain't messin' with no broke-broke.

• Ichabod is an unlikable character. I will not root for him. Now, of course, Brom Bones isn't very likable either. And Katrina is a tart. She's only toying with Ichabod to make Brom jealous. Ugh. What a mess. Who cares who ends up with who?

•All right. Here comes the Halloween part! I feel ever so festive! I think I'll light a pumpkin scented candle.

• Dude, Katrina's pigtails are so inaccurate. What is this hairstyle?

• Brom is going to dance with the fat chick to get close to Katrina...oh boy...this is uncomfortable.

• This is the first mention of the Headless Horseman. Would have been better if they mentioned him earlier. Foreshadowing and all that.

• That poor horse. He don't know what he's in for.

• Whoa.

• But, like, you know it's Brom.

• I want to carve a pumpkin.

• Brom and Katrina get married. Surprise, surprise. Are we, the audience, supposed to be happy? Or are we supposed to feel bad for Ichabod? Frankly, I think he got what he deserved. Losing Katrina, not "disappearing". Brom is a bully but we don't know for sure that he was after her just for her money. Oh lord. I'm over thinking it.

• Heh. And Ichabod has a fat wife and a bunch of ugly kids.

• But seriously, how many times did I mention Cinderella?

Final Thoughts
You might have surmised that I like the Mr. Toad half more than the Ichabod half. This is what lands Disney's 6th and final package film On the Fence. If it were all Wind in the Willows, we wouldn't be talking just yet. As it is, we have The Legend of Sleepy Hollow to answer to. Mind you, I don't dislike the second segment, but it has a hard act to follow.

It comes down to characters. Moley is adorable. I am drawn to Toad's charisma. Even Angus MacBadger and Ratty's stick-in-the-mudness is coming from a good hearted place . (I have an affinity for grumpy fusspot characters anyway.) Ratty, Moley, and MacBadger have good intentions trying to save Toad from himself. When that fails and Toad goes to the Tower, he does some serious soul searching and decides to change, thinking of his friends as inspiration. Finally, when Toad proves his innocence, the vermin risk life and limb to get the deed to Toad Hall back from the weasels. And maybe it's because we're pressed for time, but I appreciate the lack of petty high school bickering. Ratty apologizes and then they're merrily on their way to somewhere particular.

It's a story about friendship, really, which is why it's such a shame it never became it's own movie. Bummer.

On the other end, you have gold-digging Ichabod Crane and bully Brom Bones vying for the affections of shameless flirt Katrina van Tassel. Who am I to root for? Why am I to care for these characters? Since I care so much for the first batch, I'm expecting to care of the second batch even more. Momentum and all that. But that's not what happens. Sleepy Hollow is lacking in the feels department which would be fine if it was paired with another short lacking feels, like "Bongo" and "Mickey and the Beanstalk". Pretty much no feels there.

The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad always leaves me feeling frustrated. Maybe if they had just put Ichabod first...or tried to make him a bit more sympathetic...or not bothered with him at all. I just don't know.

Favorite Character

Moley

Favorite Moment -- Toad "driving" down the road on his butt.
Favorite Song -- "Merrily On Our Way" performed by Eric Blore and J. Pat O'Malley

Leveling Up Yet Again

Finally. Out of the movies that aren't so hot (for me, at least) and onto the movies that have more good than bad. Or more good than meh. Goodbye, Meh. Hello, On the Fence.

These films I have mostly positive feelings about but there are a few snags, a few niggling issues, a this or that which rubs me the wrong way. Also (perhaps unfairly) newer films which I have only seen once or twice are relegated here because I just don't know what I feel, just that those feelings aren't negative.

On the Fence is a big batch--15 films, over a quarter of the entire canon. I have already reviewed Winnie the Pooh, and it will be quite possible that some of these films get moved up or down. We shall see.

The Meh Rankings (best to worse)
1. Make Mine Music
2. Fantasia 2000
3. Melody Time
4. Saludos Amigos
5. Fun and Fancy Free

And the Something Amiss Rankings (because I forgot to do it earlier)
1. Fantasia
2. Atlantis: The Lost Empire

Saludos Amigos (1942)

Directed by Norman Ferguson, Wilfred Jackson, Jack Kinney, Hamilton Luske and Bill Roberts
Written by Homer Brightman, William Cottrell, Richard Huemer, Joe Grant, Harold Reeves, Ted Sears, Webb Smith, Roy Williams, and Ralph Wright
Premiered August 24, 1942
42 minutes
Rated G

Synopsis
To keep "friendly relations" with South America, Walt Disney & co. go south of the border and collect a myriad of ideas for animated shorts.

Note: With the segmented films, I will be going further into plot points in my mötley müsings.

Before We Begin
Here we finally are at the very first of the package films. (My apologies to any of you following along, but if you've done this as many times as I have, you need to mix up your viewing order.) It's all there in the synopsis; Walt and a group of animators traveled to South America--at the urging of the U.S. government--to make a movie featuring South American culture along with popular Disney characters. This was to keep everyone on a friendly foot and it was successful enough.

Fast forward seventy some years and Saludos Amigos just seems odd among the other DAFs. First off, it barely qualifies as a feature film. (40 minutes is the cut-off). It's also part more documentary than anything else. Granted, its inclusion in the canon would seem all the more odd if The Three Caballeros didn't immediately follow. Saludos Amigos was the second to last DAF to ever be released on home video, a month before Make Mine Music, which makes sense given its outlier status. But thanks to its brisk running time, it's relatively painless.

Mötley Müsings
• "Saludos Amigos" means "Hello Friends".

• This song was nominated for an Academy Award. I shit you not.

• LIVE ACTION. "Adios, Hollywood and Saludos Amigos."

• "Their music is strange and exotic."

• "Is your mama a llama," I asked my friend Dave. "No, she is not," is the answer Dave gave.

• Segment #1 -- "Lake Titicaca". Donald Duck explores Lake Titicaca and struggles with a difficult llama. Donald as an American tourist make sense.

• What's the deal with pith helmets?

• Donald in a boat made of reeds.

• Donald obnoxiously taking pictures.

• That llama has a huge butt.

• Dude using a typewriter while smoking on a plane. #40s

• Segment #2 -- "Pedro". This one takes place in Chile and is about anthropomorphic airplanes. Little Pedro attempts to be a hero and deliver the mail when his parents are unable to do so. He struggles but like every Disney hero ever, he succeeds.

• "The papa plane was a big, powerful male plane. Mama plane was a middle-sized female plane. And the baby plane was a little boy plane named Pedro."

• This is like Cars...with planes. Kind of like Planes, I guess.

• Pedro is the fluffiest of the segments. Also reminiscent of "Little Toot". How could it not be, though?

• Haha, the important mail was just a postcard.

• More live action shots. They didn't edit out of any of the smoking here. American hero Walt Disney is even smoking!!

• Gaucho pants. Never liked that as a fashion statement.

• Segment #3 -- "El Gaucho Goofy". Goofy learns the differences and similarities between American cowboys and Argentinian gauchos.

• Costume change!

• "Then we have the poncho, which just about covers everything."

• "Carumba!"

• Slow motion jokes. Nice.

• "Girl you know it's--Girl you know it's--Girl you know it's--"

• Pantsless Goofy!

• "Hasta la vista!"

• Segment #4 -- "Aquarela do Brasil". Donald and Jose Carioca (here called "Joe") dance around Brazil. This is the most "surreal" of the segments; everything else has been pretty much a straight forward travelogue. The beginnings of The Three Caballeros is here. Ugh.

• It definitely has the best animation and is the least cartoony until Donald and Joe arrive.

• "Donald Duck, Hollywood."

• One wonders, because Donald was already featured in a short, why Mickey Mouse isn't meeting Jose. It's not like he was on another project. What gives?

• If I never hear another samba again, it will be too soon. My over exposure to these package films has killed any interest I might ever have in South American culture.

• Is this segment the longest? Or does it just feel that way?

• "Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl..."

• The End.

Final Thoughts
I truly, truly wish Saludos Amigos was the only South American themed film to come out of Disney in the 1940s. It's just fine. It's just meh. Somewhat interesting, I guess. But it's teaching me things I don't particularly care to learn about. Kind of like a random fact learned on Jeopardy. It seems interesting at the time, but your brain fails to retain the information for the next time the question is asked on Jeopardy.

Saludos Amigos is far more interesting to learn about than to actually watch. The film has an important place in world history and Disney history, but it's getting less and less enjoyable for me each time I make myself watch it.

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I am very tired of these package films.

Favorite Character

Goofy

Favorite Moment -- "El Gaucho Goofy"
Favorite Song -- "Saludos Amigos"

Make Mine Music (1946)

Directed by Jack Kinney, Clyde Geronimi, Hamilton Luske, Joshua Meador and Robert Cormack
Written by James Bordrero, Homer Brightman, Erwin Graham, Eric Gurney, T. Hee, Sylvia Holland, Dick Huemer, Dick Kelsey, Jesse Marsh, Tom Oreb, Cap Palmer, Erdman Penner, Harry Reeves, Dick Shaw, John Walbridge, and Roy Williams
Premiered April 20, 1946
75 minutes
Rated G

Synopsis
Different styles and genres of music are presented through ten animated segments.

Note: With the segmented films, I will be going further into plot points in my mötley müsings.

Before We Begin
We'll call it Fantasia Lite. Animated sequences set to contemporary music. Shorter segments pandering to a lower common denominator. Disney was not ready to give up on the idea of marrying music and animation. Frankly, I think it's a great idea and I'm glad they continued with it. Even though Make Mine Music came before Melody Time, it is more successful with the formula. The segments explore all (or at least more) corners of music giving us a nice slice of the 40s music scene. It works more than it doesn't.

Make Mine Music was the very last Disney Animated Feature to ever be released on home video...in 2000. That's how unimportant and unmarketable it seemed to the company. (It didn't have the classic characters like Fun and Fancy Free and Melody Time to feature on its cover.) Never mind us Disneyphiles who must own every single film on the canon...

Mötley Müsings
• We begin with fanfare! We are going to a concert hall! Just like in Fantasia! But this time, I swear it's gonna be more fun. Honest, you guys. For realsies.

• "Make music music and my heart will sing! Make mine music and it's always spring!"

• Segment #1 -- "The Martins and the Coys (A Rustic Ballad)" performed by The King's Men
The opening segment from Make Mine Music is cut from the first (and only) home video release for "comic gun play". This is ridiculous considering all the "comic gun play" brought to us by Panchito in The Three Caballeros and Pecos Bill in Melody Time.

• So what gives? Well, the VHS/DVD was released on June 6, 2000, a year and change after Columbine. So perhaps Disney, caught up in the moral panic of the day, feared that another school shooting would occur but instead of finding Marilyn Manson CDs in the shooters' room, they would find a Make Mine Music DVD. (I don't know if this is the real reason. But it seems very hypocritical to cut this segment while keeping others that make light of guns.)

• But you can watch "The Martins and the Coys" thanks to the powers of the internet!

• It's basically Romeo and Juliet with hillbillies. All but Grace Martin and Henry Coy have been shot to death and they fall in love despite their family history.

• The "plot" is based on the real life Hatfields and McCoys, two feuding families in 19th century Appalachia. Although if anyone fell in love I don't know.

• Is it still okay to make fun of "sons of the soil"? Or is this politically incorrect?

• Er, domestic abuse is the moral of the story...

• Segment #2 -- "Blue Bayou (A Tone Poem)" performed by The Ken Darby Singers. This one was cut from Fantasia because Fantasia was already a bloated beast. The scene shows a lovely bayou and a stork flying around. Originally it was set to "Clair de Lune" but here we get a new, sleepier song.

• This is a horrible way to open a movie! They needed the comic gunplay of The Martins and the Coys! Even though the "Toccato and Fugue" portion of Fantasia is pretty meh visually, that is some famous music. This...is...sleepy.

• Very pretty, very dull.

• Sha la la la la la

Don’t be scared

You got the mood prepared

Go on and kiss the girl

• Another stork! Two storks! Double the fun!

• Segment #3 -- "All the Cats Join In (A Jazz Interlude)" performed by Benny Goodman and his Orchestra. Yes! This one is fun! A pencil draws the action of a bunch of teens jitterbugging down at the malt shop. Very Archie comics. The dawn of teen culture!

• I want a milkshake.

• A chick drawn with a big booty gets mad at the pencil and then it erases her big butt and draws a slimmer one. How the times have changed.

• 20s music! That's for squares! Get outta here!

• Segment #4 -- "Without You (A Ballad in Blue)" performed by Andy Russell. Back to boring. This one is symbolic of loneliness and heartbreak. We see a Dear John letter and a rainy window, sad trees, etc.

• This is what I think they call a "torch song".

• Whatever happened to crooners?

• Segment #5 -- "Casey at the Bat (A Musical Recitation)" performed by Jerry Colonna

• The classic American short story of anti-climax about a famed baseball star who strikes out

• It's kind of musical, I guess.

• This is perfect for Disney.

• They made a sequel to this segment featuring Casey's nine daughters who make up their own baseball team. If I recall, they win their big game.

• Pride comes before the fall. #nojoyinmudville

• Segment #6 -- "Two Silhouettes (Ballade Ballet)" performed by Dinah Shore. You know what's not that technically impressive? Rotoscoped silhouettes. Here are two ballet dancers dancing over what appears to be a cache of valentine cards

• Hey, Dinah Shore. I forgot you were in this. I guess we'll get the female version of the torch song now.

• Um, I admit to not having paid attention to the lyrics of this song before:
Two silhouettes together in the afterglow,
Two silhouettes become as one when lights are low

• Hey, cherubim from Fantasia.

• Segment #7 -- "Peter and the Wolf (A Fairy Tale with Music)" narrated by Sterling Holloway. This is probably the most well known segment from Make Mine Music. It certainly includes the most well known music. The story is...not really a story. A boy named Peter goes hunting for a wolf along with his duck, bird, and cat friends. The boy is no match for the wolf (obvi) and he is saved by some hunters.

• These short, famous stories are perfect for the Disney treatment.

• I like Ivan the cat. Disney needs more cats.

• The duck really dies in the real version.

• Those hunters sure are unnecessarily firing their guns for comic effect.

• The moral is, don't go hunting if you don't know what you're doing.

• Segment #8 -- "After You've Gone" performed by the Goodman Quartet Jazz! Surrealism! Anthropomorphic instruments in a musical wonderland!

• It ain't boring. And it's not too long.

• Segment #9 -- "Johnnie Fedora and Alice Bluebonnet (A Love Story)" performed by The Andrews Sisters. Where do I begin to tell the story of how great a love can be, the sweet love story that is older than the sea... This is about hats! Two hats that fall in love in the department store window but a separated when the she-hat is sold!

• My favorite segment from Make Mine Music. Second favorite in any package film behind Pablo. Awesome, awesome, awesome. Adorable!

• Although, why is Johnnie spelled that way?

• Turn of the century fashions.

• They're in New York City.

• Johnnie escapes his owner to chase after Alice and ends up getting picked up by a bum who takes him to a saloon.

• Johnnie goes on an odyssey all to earn a permanent job as a horse's hat. Alice is on the other horse and one can't help but wonder what she went through to get there...

• I redact my earlier statement: "Johnnie Fedora and Alice Bluebonnet" is my favorite package film segment, ever.

• Segment #10 -- "The Whale Who Wanted to Sing at the Met (Opera Pathetique)" performed by Nelson Eddy. The grand finale. A whale who can sing opera longs to become a star, but he is murdered by a impresario who thinks he swallowed three opera singers. The whole thing is performed by one man.

• Mammy's little baby loves shortnin' bread...

• No one is denying that opera is impressive, but it's not really popular any more.

• Seagulls at the opera! Audience members with programs on their heads protecting them from poop! HA.

• Yes, that is Nelson Eddy singing the soprano's part too.

• Tetti-Tatti, you are a prick.

• Bittersweet ending, but leaves us with the feeling that this whole movie wasn't just some light fluff.

Final Thoughts
Look, I have a soft spot for Make Mine Music, just like with all the forgotten and dismissed DAFs. I had not heard of it until I decided to study Disney, which is truly a shame. This movie deserves its spot on the canon, more than others (cough, Dinosaur, cough, cough!). Variety is the spice of life which is why I rank this one so high among the package films. Nothing drags out too long, nothing is gratingly annoying. If you don't like one segment, just wait a few minutes and you're onto the next. And let's not forget that more than 50% of the shorts are actually good.

Watching Make Mine Music for probably the tenth time (or so), I am struck with the thought that it would have been awesome if Disney continued making this type of film with a new installment every decade. We could then see the evolution of popular music and the visual trends as well. Imagine the prog rock stuff in '76! Something grungy in '96! Ah, wasted opportunity.

Favorite Character

Johnnie Fedora

Favorite Moment -- "Johnnie Fedora and Alice Bluebonnet"
Favorite Song -- "Johnnie Fedora and Alice Bluebonnet" performed by The Andrews Sisters

Fun and Fancy Free (1947)

Directed by Jack Kinney, Bill Roberts, Hamilton Luske, and William Morgan
Written by Homer Brightman, Eldon Dedini, Lance Nolley, Tom Oreb, Harry Reeves, and Ted Sears. Based on "Little Bear Bongo" written by Sinclair Lewis and English fairy tale "Jack and the Beanstalk".
Premiered September 17, 1947
73 minutes
Rated G

Synopsis
Jiminy Cricket (Cliff Edwards) takes us on a journey to hear two stories, the first called "Bongo", narrated by singer Dinah Shore. Bongo is a circus bear who escapes into the wilderness and discovers it's much harder than life in the limelight. Things become more complicated when he falls in love with Lulubelle who big bully Lockjaw has his eye on. In the second half, Jiminy attends a party for child actress Luana Patten hosted by ventriloquist Edgar Bergen and his dummies Charlie McCarthy and Mortimer Snerd. Edgar tells the story of "Mickey and the Beanstalk" featuring Mickey Mouse (Walt Disney), Donald Duck (Clarence Nash), and Goofy (Pinto Colvig).

Before We Begin
Oh boy. Package film #4 is a little different from the others in that it only has two segments instead of seven or more like we've seen with The Three Caballeros, Melody Time, and the Fantasias. There's also a lot of live action in this one too. A lot of live action. A lot of strange live action.

The theory goes that morale was low while Fun and Fancy Free was in production. I imagine the animators and story men digging into their more successful past by bringing Jiminy Cricket (who had only appeared in Pinocchio thus far) into the same film as Mickey, Donald, and Goofy. Classic characters! We can't go wrong! We can't let them forget who we once were! We will rise again! We will be powerful again! But until then, let's use all our old characters because that war sure left us creatively bankrupt.

At one point, both "Bongo" and "Mickey and the Beanstalk" were meant to be full length films on their own.

Mötley Müsings
• So here's Jiminy trying to cheer us up and all I want to know is where's Pinocchio? I know this isn't a prequel because he's wearing his new Blue Fairy given clothes. So what's he up to? How are he and Geppetto getting along?

• Dude, I just want to watch Pinocchio now.

• Cleo!? What are you doing here? How did you guys get out of Italy? Is this a sequel? (Some audience members of the time might be wondering.)

• Human Race Going Crazy Claims Savant

• But that cat ain't Figaro.

• Wow, this VHS actually looks pretty okay.

• That doll has total 40s hair.

• "A musical story sung by Dinah Shore"

• Let's see...things I know about Dinah Shore: She is a female singer. She is Jewish.

• So "Bongo" is based on a short story by Sinclair Lewis who won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1930. And it originally appeared in Cosmopolitan magazine back when it featured short stories about animals and not 101 Hot Sex Tips or How to Tighten Your Booty.

• Bongo is basically the Chuck Norris of circus bears; he can do all.

• But fame is a chore.

• With the success of Dumbo, a film about a circus elephant, you can see how they thought a movie about a non-speaking circus bear might be profitable. Dumbo. Bongo. Oh God. I just got that.

• "Lazy Countryside" is one of the most boring Disney songs ever.

• Yes. Bongo is in the woods. He is discovering. Uh huh. We get it.

• Bunnies!

• This scene of Bongo suffering to get a good night's rest is repeated in The Fox and the Hound.

• I know I already said it, but I am really impressed by this video's quality.

• This is surprisingly dull. I'm going to assume the original plan was to have dialogue instead of having a woman--who's singing voice is lovely in that pre-rock 'n' roll way--narrate with her otherwise bland speaking voice.

• Bongo meets Lulubelle. She's drawn very...womanly for a bear. Much like Thumper's mate in Bambi.

• This fantasy sequence inspired the whole Care Bears universe. Why hasn't that made a comeback? Or been revamped ala My Little Pony?

• Lockjaw is Gaston. (I always want to write Lumpjaw. What's up with that?)

• Dude, Bongo is getting the shit kicked out of him.

• Yeah...this movie is troubling. So Lulubelle just smacked Bongo. He is (naturally) perplexed by this sudden domestic abuse. When he doesn't smack her back, Lulubelle takes it as romantic rejection and Lockjaw takes his claim.

• There's a whole song about this. "Say it With a Slap"

• Is there any factual basis to this? Or is this the invention of Sinclair Lewis? Or Disney?

• Why are Lulubelle and Bongo so small compared to the other bears? Are they teenagers?

• Fight. Bongo wins. Then slaps Lulubelle. Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

• With this and Brother Bear, Disney should avoid the animal unless they're chubby little cubbies stuffed with fluff.

• Onto the second part. Sort of...

• LIVE ACTION. Allow me to set the scene. A grown man, ventriloquist Edgar Bergen, is hosting a party for nine year old child actress Luana Patten. There are no other people in attendance at this party, just Bergen's creepy dummies. He tells her stories, offers her cake...it's an SVU episode that writes itself. But since it's the 1940s no impropriety is implied. No, this is made out to be totally normal. Where are her parents!?

• Fact: Edgar Bergen is Candace Bergen's father.

• Fact: Edgar Bergen is not a good ventriloquist.

• "I wish I could enjoy my first childhood as much as he enjoys his second."

• "How would you like to go down to the city dump and watch me slug rats?"

• Charlie McCarthy's sarcasm really cuts through the treacle. And it is oddly dark.

• Onto the story...it's Jack and the Beanstalk with Mickey, Donald, and Goofy all playing the part of Jack.

• "No longer was the valley happy, for without the magic of the harp, all was misery, misery, misery."
"Just like the eighth grade."

• "Well, she used to be a good milker, but now..."
"She's an udder failure."

• No character introduction. We are supposed to know these characters so there's no need for it. Mickey, Donald, and Goofy are...room mates? They're going crazy with starvation, especially Donald.

• Mickey shows up with some "magic beans". We don't see it happen. We don't see who trades with him.

• I know they're being all showy with the animation--the beanstalk growing and carrying the guys to the top while they sleep, but they are making them even more passive. Climbing the beanstalk is a huge deal!

• Cinderella reference!

• Are these dragonflies some kind of WWII reference?

• They sneak into the castle, feast on the table.

• Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is funnier than someone's pants falling down.

• Yes, a giant. Have you guys never heard this story before? He stole the golden harp that made Happy Valley so happy.

• Fuck Willie the Giant. FUCK HIM. Big, borderline retarded, fuckety fuck fuckhead. I HATE WILLIE THE GIANT. Most annoying Disney villain. Hands down. I would take Gurgi (from The Black Cauldron and not a villain) over this dipshit.

• FINALLY, something interesting. Mickey is trying to trick the giant by getting him to turn into a fly.

• I've seen better versions of this.

• "You're even better than the old fashioned sleeping pill."

• Willie puts on the Brown Derby. EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

• All this forced merriment has made me sour.

Final Thoughts
After much deliberation, I've decided to name Fun and Fancy Free as the worst of the package films. While I personally dislike The Three Caballeros more (and always will), it's at least interesting. And we mustn't forget Pablo. "Bongo" and "Mickey and the Beanstalk" are just bland and lacking. The framing device(s) with Jiminy Cricket and Edgar Bergen & co. remind one of a day at Chuck E. Cheese. You ready to have FUN kids!?

"Bongo" is "Bongo" and you can't fix something that's already dull. (My apologies to Sinclair Lewis.) Adapting "Jack and the Beanstalk", however, has much potential. Disney and fairy tales are like peanut butter and chocolate. But when you are foisting the story onto already established characters (and static characters at that) it's just going to be unsatisfying.

I should mention Gigantic, Disney's latest fairy tale adaptation with a one word adjective title. Apparently, it's going to be a version of "Jack and the Beanstalk" although who the hell knows considering when Hans Christian Andersen's "The Snow Queen" was put into the Disney machine, it squeezed out Frozen.

But we'll get to that.

I have high hopes for Gigantic. It can't be worse than "Mickey and the Beanstalk". Wasted potential is damning when I am your critic.

Favorite Character

The Golden Harp

Favorite Moment -- Goofy's pants falling down.
Favorite Song -- "My Favorite Dream" performed by Anita Gordon

Fantasia 2000 (1999)

Directed by Don Hahn, Pixote Hunt, Hendel Butoy, Eric Goldberg, James Algar, Francis Glebas, Paul and Gaetan Brizzi

Premiered November 17, 1999
75 minutes
Rated G

Synopsis
A sequel to Disney's 1940 film featuring new animated shorts set to classical music.

Note: With the segmented films, I will be going further into plot points in my motley musings.

Before We Begin

Any Disney fan worth their salt knows how much old Walt loved the idea of setting animation to classical music but few know the original plan was for Fantasia was to be an ever evolving film, released every few years with new sections while old ones were rotated out. But, due to Fantasia being a financial flop and the fact that World War II sucked the European market dry, Disney had to concentrate on other projects. It wasn’t until the early 90’s when Roy E. Disney (Walt’s nephew who appears at the beginning of all those home video release) pushed for his uncle’s dream to be realized.

Originally, "The Nutcracker Suite" (fairies, flowers, and mushrooms), "Dance of the Hours" (ostrich and hippo ballet) and "The Sorcerer’s Apprentice" (Mickey with the wizard's hat) were the only old segments to be included in Fantasia 2000. However, the creative teams were so excited to make new shorts that all but “Apprentice” were cut…lucky for us.

I was one of the very few people to see Fantasia 2000 in theaters. It was actually at the IMAX. I was eleven or twelve and on a Girl Scout trip. I remember feeling conflicted, knowing that I didn't really care for the first Fantasia and I was also getting "too old" for Disney movies. Honestly, I don't recall having an opinion back in 2000.

Mötley Müsings
• No introduction, just some sound bytes and clips from the first Fantasia and straight into....

• Segment #1 -- "Symphony No. 5" written by Ludwig van Beethoven (c. 1804-08)

• This is the "Toccata and Fugue" of Fantasia 2000: abstract images put to music. Shapes resembling butterflies and bats fight with one another in a world of dark vs. light and good vs. evil. Or something.

• Hello, Steve Martin. Thanks for explaining what Fantasia is.

• Hello, Itzhak Perlman. Thanks for introducing the next segment.

• Segment #2 -- "Pines of Rome" written by Ottorino Respighi (1924)

• This one...is the most boring. 90s era CGI whales can fly. Baby whale get separated from his family and then find them again. What?

• This music isn't very memorable, is it? Why did they pick this?

• Hello, Quincy Jones.

• Segment #3 -- "Rhapsody in Blue" written by George Gershwin (1924)

• Yes! YES! This is what I'm talking about! Notable instrumental music that is catchy and has a certain style! This is fun and not stuffy!

• Four stories are told: we follow a construction worker/wannabe jazz drummer, a poor little rich girl, a sadsack unemployed man, and a henpicked husband throughout a day in Depression era New York City.

• Everything is drawn in Al Hirschfeld's style. Great color palette. It LOOKS different from any other Disney animation.

• I want a martini.

• I don't know why the nanny is dressed like it's 1914 though.

• Hello, Bette Midler.

• Segment #4 -- "The Steadfast Tin Soldier" (Piano Concerto No. 2, Allegro, Opus No. 2) written by Dmitri Shostakovich (1957)

• All right! Fairy tales! There's a ballerina doll who is sexually harassed by a giant, evil Jack-in-the-Box and a one legged tin soldier who falls for her and protects her from Jack.

• This plasticy animation looks good since these are toys.

• Ballerina hits Jack with a ball! Active heroine!

• But tin soldier gets sent out into the rain and the sewers.

• This Jack-in-the-Box may be more aggressive than Gaston.

• But he dies a fiery death!

• Hello, James Earl Jones.

• Segment #5 -- "The Carnival of the Animals" written by Camille Saint-Saëns (1886)

• What would happen if you gave a yo-yo to a flock of flamingos? Hilarity! That's what!

• This is so short and light you can't not like it.

• Hello, Penn and Teller.

• Segment #6 -- "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" written by Paul Dukas (1896-97)

• This was the only segment from the original Fantasia to make it into this brand spanking new one. I agree with its inclusion. Mickey in wizard hat is Fantasia.

• Whoa. Mickey talking to both conductors.

• Segment #7 -- "Noah's Ark" (Pomp and Circumstance Marches 1, 2, 3, and 4) written by Edward Elgar (1901-07)

• Hey! I love "Pomp and Circumstance". Not because I love graduations, I just...Well, I can't really explain why, but I do love this piece of music and seeing it in a non-graduation setting is awesome.

• So the plot: Donald Duck is assisting Noah in gathering two of every animal onto his Ark. (Why Donald, I don't know.) He and Daisy are the ducks, but they are separated and both think they are destined to be alone once the flood subsides.

• Bible stories aren't normally Disney's forte (thankfully) so this feels odd.

• Ha. All those bunnies...Somebody was gettin' biz-zay.

• Hello, Angela Lansbury.

• Segment #8 -- "The Firebird Suite" written by Igor Stravinsky (1919)

• Elk gives life to wood sprite who brings life to the forest until she awakens an angry firebird (re: volcano) who destroys all her work.

• This is pretty and stuff.

• Circle of life, yeah, yeah. At least it's not Man's pollution causing all this damage, it is nature destroying nature.

Final Thoughts

I obviously like Fantasia 2000 more than the original. It's shorter. It's less up-its-ass. The contemporary, comic subtext makes it easier for me to enjoy. This isn't your grandpa's intense, stuffy "concert feature." No one's going to rap your knuckles with a ruler if you doze off during "The Rite of Spring." Which I have done.

Still...it's just...meh.

Favorite Character

The Steadfast Tin Soldier

Favorite Segment -- "Rhapsody in Blue"
Favorite Song -- "Pomp and Circumstance"