The Sword in the Stone (1963)

Directed by Wolfgang Reitherman
Written by Bill Peet. Based on The Sword in the Stone by T.H. White.
Premiered December 25, 1963
79 minutes
Rated G

Synopsis
In the Dark Ages, Uther Pendragon leaves England without an heir and vows whoever draws his sword Excalibar from a stone shall be King of England. Many years later, a young orphan boy named Arthur, nicknamed Wart (Rickie Sorenson, Richard Reitherman, and Robert Reitherman) works as a drudge for his athletic, boorish foster brother Kay (Norman Alden) and his father Sir Ector (Sebastian Cabot). However, Wart's luck changes when he meets magical wizard Merlin (Karl Swenson) who claims Wart is destined for bigger things. By turning Wart into a fish, a squirrel and a bird, Merlin teaches him valuable life lessons such as "brains over brawn" as he prepares him for a life on the throne.

Before We Begin
Ah...The Sword in the Stone. One of several DAFs I didn't grow up with. I do have vague memories of watching it with some kids while my dad drank beer with their dad and we were left in the care of Uncle TV and Auntie VCR. I remember having absolutely no opinion. It lacked princesses, therefore I never requested to rent it after that initial viewing.

In later years, I found it charming enough but sorely lacking in various ways.

Mötley Müsings
• Fact: I'm not all that up on Arthurian legend. I've seen some movies and a pretty terrible Starz miniseries called Camelot. I have not read The Once and Future King.

• The book! I love the book opening!

• Sebastian Cabot!

• Oh yeah, there's this wolf that appears over and over, always trying to eat Wart. Adds nothing.

• "One big medieval mess!"

• So Merlin is a time traveler and thinks the middle ages suck. He has a pocket watch and a tea set. But no iPhone. Of course...how would he charge it?

• Look! It's Bambi's mom! But we know Kay doesn't kill her because she dies from a gunshot.

• Damn, those are some gnarly woods.

• Archimedes is a jerk.

• A choo-choo train!

• This. This all day long.

• This sugar bowl!

• Tea wasn't drunk in England until the arrival of Charles II's Portuguese wife Catherine of Braganza. The court disliked her but they eventually went bonkers for tea.

• "Impudent piece of crockery!"

• I'm going to blame the lowish quality of these songs on the higher quality of Mary Poppins's songs. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious > Higitus Figitus.

• Why do wizards have such long beards? It's not like chicks having long hair; we can put it up and out of the way if we need or want. Beards are always out there, getting caught in things and catching food. I suppose it's to symbolize age and wisdom. "I'm so busy practicing spells, I have no time to shave."

• Three kids voiced Wart because production took so long. Puberty is cruel mistress.

• Why is Archimedes even around? What purpose does he serve?

• The London Times won't be out for 1200 years...which means this film is set in 585 AD.

• The English people are tired of waiting around for someone to pull the sword from the stone and so they're going to have a tournament (jousting and such) to determine who will become king. Well...they're not really English people are they?

• First lesson! Wart is turned into a fish to learn brains are more important than brawn. Out swimming (and out thinking) your opponent.

• "When he stays out all night, he's always grumpy the next morning." "Then he must stay out every night."

• Well, Archimedes did something nice. Good for him.

• Merlin helps Wart cheat at chores, which is what most of us would use magic for.

• Second lesson! Always look before you leap...as a squirrel.

• I like Squirrel Merlin's mustache.

• Oh no. The girl squirrel.

• "And a redhead, at that." What the hell is that supposed to mean, Merlin?

• "I'm afraid magic can't solve this problem."

• Do squirrels really mate for life? No, according to the internet.

• Oh no, a FAT squirrel with GAP TEETH wants Merlin. It's not so funny when it's happening to you, is it?

• Wart's squirrel comes to his rescue!

• "I am an ugly, horrible, grouchy old man!"

• "Ah, you know, lad, that love business is a powerful thing. "Greater than gravity?" "Well, yes, boy. In its way, I'd, uh... Yes, I'd say it's the greatest force on earth."

• SO SAD.

• "Just because you don't understand something, doesn't mean it's wrong." Too true.

• "The world is ROUND?"

• Cursive! They don't even teach cursive anymore!

• See? Beards are nothing but trouble.

• Shut up, already, Archimedes.

• Third lesson! Flying! Because that exactly the sort of thing a king should know how to do!

• Madame Mim's roof is shaped like a witch's hat! Never noticed that.

• Who is Madame Mim, you ask? You see, there's a serious lack of conflict in this movie so they shoved in a witch. She and Merlin have contest where they turn into a bunch of different animals (re: fun for the animators). What does this teach Wart?

• Still waiting to find out what this teaches Wart...

• "Knowledge and wisdom is the real power."

• What's Merlin and Mim's history? When they do the live action reboot, we'll find out.

• If there's no king, how the fuck did Kay get knighted?

• Merlin is mad because Wart is settling to be a squire instead expanding his mind.

• Who the hell has a tournament in winter, when there's snow on the ground! It's Britain! It's cold!

• Oh no, Wart forgot Kay's sword. Better find another one...Hey look, there's one sticking out of that stone...

• "GIVE THE BOY A CHANCE."

• "Why, they might even make a motion picture about you. "Motion picture?" "Oh. Heh-heh-heh, uh, well, uh, that's something like television... heh-heh... without commercials."

Final Thoughts

So here's the thing about The Sword in the Stone...it's underwhelming. Arthurian legend is huge. There is so much story and so many characters and as we have seen, so many ways those stories can be told and ways those seemingly hundreds of characters can be presented.

And this is what Disney chose to do.

To be fair, showing Arthur's not-yet-so-grand childhood and his introduction to Merlin is going to be the most relatable to America's animated feature going youth in 1963. Yes, fine, I understand not going into his relationship with his cheating wife or the bastard he fathered with his sister. But it's still so very...lacking. The animal transformation lessons are insubstantial. Wart should be learning history, economics, foreign languages, etc. instead of what it's like to fly.

Then there's the slow as molasses in January pace, more godawful xeroxography animation, and the music...oh, the music.

Everyone praises the Sherman Brothers as this great duo of musical genius, but I respectfully disagree. They are okay bordering on great, but only when it comes to Mary Poppins. Just look at this film. All of the songs are just...watery and unmemorable and barely qualify as songs since they are talk-sung ala Rex Harrison. The Sword in the Stone was the first DAF musically helmed by the duo and their reign of pleasantly banal ditties continued until 1977's The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh.

But wait a minute. If I'm complaining so much, why don't I put this in the Meh pile or Something Amiss? Well, because I like it anyway. I never dread watching The Sword in the Stone when I come upon it. Then again, it's never going to be the first film I snatch off the shelf. I LOL at some of the jokes, I like Wart's Everyboy-ness and Merlin's stereotypical bumbling. And the tone of the whole thing is charming, simplistic, cozy and likable.

By the swinging 60's, Old Walt had pretty much lost interest in his animation studio and was mostly concentrating on his television and theme park endeavors. Although Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs was a BIG! FUCKING! DEAL! after its 1937 release, I doubt the man could have known that Disney Animated Feature™®© would become the home video legacy that it is. Nor could he know how eagerly these films would be compared and contrasted to the delight and disdain of snarky millennials, typing away on their blogs at three in the morning. Perhaps if he had known, The Sword in the Stone's production would have been a bit tighter.

Of all the possible DAFs that could fall victim to Disney's recent penchant for live action remakes, I think The Sword in the Stone is the one I would most want to see...because it has the most potential for improvement. The Jungle Book? Beauty and the Beast? The motherfucking Lion King? Those are already good movies. They don't need remakes. (We will discuss Cinderella later.) And guess what? Apparently it is getting remade. Hooray.

Favorite Character

Sugar Bowl

Favorite Moment -- Wart and Merlin's first meeting.
Favorite Song -- "The Sword in the Stone" performed by Fred Darian