Moana (2016)

Directed by Ron Clements and John Musker

Written by Jared Bush

Premiered November 23, 2016

107 minutes

Rated PG

Synopsis

Long ago, on a mythical Polynesian island far, far away there lived Moana (Auli'i Cravalho) the teenage daughter of the Chief Tui (Temuera Morrison) who wants his daughter to stop dreaming of a life exploring the ocean and concentrate on learning how to govern her people. However, when the island stops providing food, Moana learns from her grandmother Tala (Rachel House) that the demigod Maui (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson) stole the heart of the Mother Nature-like goddess Te Fiti and since then, a plague of death has been spreading from her island. Moana answers the call to adventure and vows to find Maui and convince him to return Te Fiti's heart before all life is destroyed.

Before We Begin

Full disclosure, I have seen Moana once before. It reminded me a lot of Pocahontas, which is a DAF I am a BIG fan of. (I have yet to review it, after all.) During the whole movie I just wanted to watch Pocahontas. But I'm all for a female led musical. And hey, I'm happy there's another Polynesian themed Disney movie other than fucking Lilo & Stitch. 

Also, this is a Ron Clements-John Musker joint which, if you ask me, that team has yet to make a bad Disney movie. Really. (YOU KNOW WHAT'S LEFT ON MY LIST TO REVIEW.)

That's all I'll say for now.

Mötley Müsings

• Dude, 107 minutes? Is that really necessary? 

• All right. I'm ready. Here we go again.

• Also, I have only seen/heard snippets of Hamilton so Lin-Manuel Miranda means nothing to me.

• I really like Maui's design.

• Baby turtle is cuter than Baby Moana.

• I mean, this looks wonderful, but I miss traditional animation. (Hey, I did my part. I saw The Princess and the Frog in theaters AND Home on the Range.)

• A female chief. Does this have any historical accuracy? I know nothing of Polynesian politics.

• "Consider the coconuts!"

• She wants to go to the sea. It's a reverse Little Mermaid.

• And there's no mention that she'll have to marry and make another chief one day...that's nice but it feels...inaccurate somehow? Where's the Kocoum?

• You look at that sad pig face! Pigs are friends, not food.

• Ugh...stop with the adorkable heroine.

• Well, one day she'll be the chief and she can do whatever she wants.

• Here's the I Want song. (Spoiler: it's not my favorite from this movie.)

• "I'm his mom. I don't have to tell him anything."

• She's the Chosen One.

• Oh no.

• Her mom helped her. I don't remember that.

• 32 minutes and she's finally off.

• The dumb rooster is with her because why not have some comic relief?

• Twitter jokes. Twitter jokes? Fuck you and your Twitter jokes.

• "You're Welcome" is probably my second favorite song. The Rock isn't a singer, but eh.

• And here we have yet another movie involving a mismatched pair taking a journey. 

• I suppose now is the time to mention that Moana is the only Disney Princess movie to not feature a romance. One could have easily been created between Maui and Moana if they lowered his age and upped hers. (Just upped hers actually since he's a young looking immortal ala Edward Cullen.) But frankly we already have plenty of romantic road trip movies (like, bordering on too many) and romances in general. It's always nice to see a male and female be platonic friends especially since Moana is a few years from being of age. Like with all DAFs since Tangled, I have avoided all trailers and  as much promotional material as possible so I'll admit I thought Moana and Maui would get together. I was pleased when they didn't.

• Action segue with coconut pirates. This leads to nothing, informs us of nothing other than the heart is desired by many. Should have been cut. (107 minutes!)

• "If you wear a dress and have an animal sidekick, you are a princess." 

• Pee jokes. Yuck.

• I'm really liking how Moana has no sailing skills and that she must learn them on the way. 

• "Don't worry. It's a lot farther down than it looks."

• "I ate my Gramma. And it took a week, 'cause she was absolutely humongous."

• "Shiny" is my favorite song from this movie.

• "You can't run from me! Oh you can. You keep surprising me."

• How old is Moana supposed to be? I'm guessing fifteen.

• Tragic back story.

• The reprise is better.

• Hair up. That means she's serious.

• Te Fiti and Te Kā are the same being! AHHHHHH! She became an evil fire goddess when her heart was taken from her.

• Slo-mo walk. Nice.

• Oh, Lord. I'm crying.

• And she gets a new outfit!

• Alessia Cara sings the end credits song. #2016

Final Thoughts

The good news is that I liked Moana a lot more the second time around. I am definitely Fond of it and I like it more than Frozen so that's cool.

Um, what else? The music also grew on me. I wish there was more Tamatoa because I loved that whole sequence. It was very Yellow Submarine to me. Moana  herself wasn't too perfect (unlike Tiana from Clements-Musker's last princess movie) and she had an arc. I was reminded a lot of Mulan. Maui was also entertaining. Thank God the rooster didn't talk...

My only complaint is it was too long. Tighten up the opening and lose the coconut pirates and I would have pretty much no complaints. I look forward to future viewings of Moana because I think I'll keep liking it more and more.

Favorite Character

Tamatoa

Favorite Moment -- The Realm of Monsters

Favorite Song -- "Shiny" performed by Jemaine Clement