Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001)

Directed by Gary Trousdale and Kirk Wise
Written by Tab Murphy
Premiered June 3, 2001
96 minutes
Rated PG

Synopsis
In 1914 Washington D.C., a nerdy cartographer and linguistics specialist named Milo J. Thatch (Michael J. Fox) is on a mission to find the lost continent of Atlantis which he learned about from his now deceased grandfather. Despite his lack of support from the Smithsonian bigwigs, Milo's grandfather's old friend, eccentric millionaire Preston B. Whitmore (John Mahoney), decides to fund an expedition to find Atlantis with Milo as the language specialist. The expedition crew is headed by Commander Lyle Rourke (James Garner) and includes femme fatale by way of Lara Croft Helga Sinclair (Claudia Christian), creepy French geologist Mole Moliere (Corey Burton), sardonic demolitions expert Vinnie Santorini (Don Novello), upbeat doctor Joshua Sweet (Phil Morris), tough girl mechanic Audrey Ramirez (Jacqueline Obradors), cynical radio operator Wilhelmina Packard (Florence Stanley), and chuck wagon cook Cookie Farnsworth (Jim Varney). Once the crew arrives in the lost continent, King of Atlantis Kashekim Nedakh (Leonard Nimoy) is suspicious of the travelers while his daughter Kida (Cree Summer) believes that Milo can help her revive their fading culture.

Before We Begin
In 2001, I was thirteen and about as far away from caring about Disney Animated Features as I ever was. Yes, I still loved my old favorites, but I, along with nearly everyone else, recognized that the Disney Renaissance was over. The sun had set on the glorious empire and who knew if it would ever rise again? At that point, I think I had maybe seen Tarzan, probably on TV and probably because nothing better was on.

Coming off of the Disney Renaissance, I guess the company wanted something new and different. To hell with fairy tales, big Broadway songs, and and romance! We want action, action, ACTION! Explosions! Sci-fi! Fart jokes! And those oh-so-precious teenage boys who never liked their movies to begin with would certainly pay to see a movie with all that! Thus, in 2001, Atlantis: The Lost Empire was released.

Mötley Müsings
• Subtitles and flying pods! A big wave! The queen is being taken to the light! Atlantis is covered in a dome and sucked underwater. (I'm putting this here so I remember.)

• And now it's 1914 and we're in Washington D.C.

• Michael J. Fox! Yes, yes, yes! I adore Milo Thatch, all his enthusiasm and he is casted perfectly.

• Child Milo is cute.

• And he has a cat!

• "Who are you? How did you get in here?" "I came down the chimney. Ho, ho, ho."

• Femme fatale c. 1914 is anachronistic. Actually, I'm not even sure why this movie is set in 1914. Pre internet makes sense, but why that particular year?

• Old man yoga in a bathrobe.

• Whitmore is like a fairy godmother.

• Oh, vomiting jokes. "Carrots? Why is it always carrots? I didn't even eat carrots."

• "To whoever took the L from the motorpool sign, ha ha ha, we are all amused."

• "Lettuce! LETTUCE!"

• "I got your four food groups right here: beans, bacons, whiskey and lard."

• Steampunk is a thing.

• "Attention. Tonight's supper will be baked beans. Musical program to follow. Who wrote this?" Enough with the bodily function jokes!

• Yeah...I really don't like Audrey. The rest of the supporting characters are fine, but Audrey is a word-that-rhymes-with-punt.

• Action sequence. They're getting the submarine thing into the under water parts where Atlantis is. (Can't you tell how much I care?)

• Giant lobsters! Like a boss. On an adventure! Like a boss.

• You'd think if everyone is the Best of the Best on this crew, they would have gotten an actual good cook.

• Back stories galore around the campfire. I want to hear Mrs. Packard's story! What's her deal?

• "Forget your jammies, Mrs. Packard?" "I sleep in the nude."

• "All right, who's not dead? Sound off."

• You know...it's quotable.

• Mrs. Packard = Lunch Lady Doris

• Here's Forgotten Disney Princess Kida. She has cured Milo's wound with her Atlantean crystal magic. While Kida's design is interesting (white hair, choppy bangs, dark skin, face tattoo), her personality isn't. She's admirable in wanting to do the best for her people, but there's just not enough time to get to know her. The artists also tried to make her sexy for all those horny teenage boys roaring to see Disney movies with more T&A. Jessica Rabbit she is not. Nor is she Kim Basinger in Cool World. (Remember Cool World!?) Yeah, she shows a lot of skin, but fellas, animated skin is just paint.

I can't help but feel if Kida wasn't of a mythical race--say, if she were Latina or Japanese--she would totally be lined up with the other Disney princesses, you know, so they had all their bases covered.

• But Cree Summer...you will always be Susie Carmichael from Rugrats to me.

• This going through the languages is neat.

• Uh oh. Rourke's up to no good.

• Leonard Nimoy. Nice.

• "Go get 'em, tiger." REALLY?

• "You are a scholar, are you not? Judging from your diminished physique and large forehead, you are suited for nothing else!" Oh right. This movie came out when it was still "uncool" to be a nerd.

• She remembers the flood, but she can't remember how to read...

• I'm pretty sure there were more than 38 states in 1914. In fact, I think there were 48.

• There weren't bikinis in 1914. And Kida looks like one of the lost Kardashian sisters. Which, you know, I'm not complaining about. They shouldn't all be willowy like Aurora.

• And now Rourke has reveals his true nature. He was evil all along! Who knew! (Everyone.)

• Countries wanting the heart of Atlantis could take place anytime. Why c. World War I?

• The "Force" takes Kida and now she is the vessel for heart of Atlantis.

• Oh, of course the crew is going to side with Milo. "We're all gonna die."

• "We done a lot of things we're not proud of. Robbing graves, eh, plundering tombs, double parking. But, nobody got hurt. Well, maybe somebody got hurt, but nobody we knew."

• Here's the deal -- the crystal chooses a royal host to protect Atlantis. I don't think being of royal blood has ever been so important to the plot of a DAF before.

• Did you know this was Jim Varney's last film? #themoreyouknow

• BOOM.

• "Congratulations. You just won the solid gold kewpie doll." WHAT?

• Rourke gets stabbed with a piece of crystal, turns into a blue crystal monster and then explodes. k.

• BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.

• Milo gets to live in Atlantis forever! Yay for him!

• Oh, but he doesn't have his cat!

• Whoa...this end credits song is painfully early 2000s. Mya. Man.

• But really, what was that solid gold Kewpie doll thing about?

Final Thoughts
Atlantis: The Lost Empire is a movie I want to like. I even ranked it much higher in previous years, but if I'm honest with myself, it just has too much damn action. And it's too long. And the character development (excepting Milo Thatch) leaves something to be desired.

So if I don't really like it, what's my deal? Why not put it on the Bottom of the Barrel list? Well, they just tried so damn hard. They--being the directors, producers, creators--were into it. They were giving it their all on the design and the making up of the mythology and the language. They wanted to try something new! And I commend them for it. Yes Atlantis flopped, spectacularly. (Shrek was released a few weeks prior.) But nothing ventured, nothing gained. At least they ventured.

However, Disney perhaps...what am I saying perhaps? However, Disney definitely should have put a little more thought into the characters. Maybe chop a few so they could give the good ones the screen time they deserve. Or at least give the characters a chance to engage us. And there is something there. The Ulysses crew is a different bunch. There is some leaning on stereotypes but not as grossly as Fagin's pack in Oliver & Company. This movie's Latino/Latina character is female! Creepy digger guy! Sardonic bomber guy! Lunch lady Doris! And then you know, it would be nice if Kida had a personality too. Sorry, Cree Summer, I know you're a professional voice actor and all, but maybe if there was someone with the star power equal to Michael J. Fox, we could have had something. And the script did you no favors.

Look, the makers of Atlantis were more concerned with world building than character. It shows. It is a hardy effort. We shouldn't poo-poo it.

Favorite Character

Milo J. Thatch

Favorite Moment -- Meet the crew
Favorite Song -- There's a remix of Donovan's "Atlantis" on the German release with forgotten girl group No Angels. It's called "Atlantis 2002"and it wins by DEFAULT.