Dinosaur (2000)

Directed by Ralph Zondag and Eric Leighton
Written by John Harrison and Robert Nelson Jacobs
Premiered May 19, 2000
82 minutes
Rated PG

Synopsis
65 million years ago, a female lemur named Plio (Alfre Woodward) adopts an orphaned Iguanodon egg much to the misgivings of her father Yar (Ossie Davis). However, once the egg hatches, the youngling is named Aladar (D.B. Sweeney) and accepted into the family which includes Plio's young daughter Suri (Hayden Paniettiere) and Plio's romantically challenged brother Zini (Max Casella). All is blissful until a meteor shower destroys the lemurs' homeland, forcing them to migrate to the Nesting Grounds, a paradise allegedly untouched by the meteor. On their journey, they meet a large group of dinosaurs lead by the tyrannical Iguanodon Kron (Samuel E. Wright) and his toadie Bruton (Peter Siragusa). Aladar and his family fall in with a group of "misfit" elderly dinosaurs Baylene (Joan Plowright) and Eema (Della Reese) and their pet, Url. Aladar and Kron disagree over the way the group should be lead (as well as Aladar's interest in Kron's sister Neera (Julianna Margulies)) all while being pursued by a pair of hungry carnotaurs.

Before We Begin
• Let's start with the fact that I don't like dinosaurs. That is Dinosaur's first sin. Even if it were a cinema classic akin to Gone with the Wind or The Shawshank Redemption, it already has the cards stacked against it by being about giant, extinct reptiles. I think dinosaurs are boring. I have thought this since I was small child. The Land Before Time? Snooze! The "Rite of Spring" portion of Fantasia? Fast forward! Not. My. Thing. Jurassic Park also had the cards stack against it, but that film is genuinely good so #notalldinosaurs just most.

Here's a fun fact about Dinosaur: it wasn't always a part of the Disney Animated Features canon. Oh no. It was a mere eight years ago that it was discreetly wedged in between Fantasia 2000 and The Emperor's New Groove to be lucky #39. Why was such a thing done? If Dinosaur didn't matter during its initial release, why did it suddenly matter in 2008? Well, if Disney made Dinosaur DAF #39, that meant the upcoming, and oh-so-promising then titled Rapunzel could be Golden DAF #50 rather than the dinky little upcoming Winnie the Pooh. Yeah...I see their point, but now I have to watch Dinosaur every fucking year for the rest of my life.

And one last thing before we get started. (Can you tell I'm dragging my feet?) Dinosaur is made up of computer animated characters (obviously) in live action backgrounds. This was a BFD at the time. Such technology hadn't been done to this magnitude and Disney was counting on everyone to be knocked on their keisters. Indeed, Dinosaur made money (the 11th highest grossing movie of 2000, which put it ahead of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Erin Brockovich, not to mention the year's other DAFs Fantasia 2000 and The Emperor's New Groove). And the film didn't even do too bad critically. Roger Ebert gave it 3 out of 4 stars. But the bland story (a poor remix of The Land Before Time) and forgettable characters did not leave a lasting impression on anyone, it seems. The film is barely talked about today outside of the Disney fandom.

But wait a minute. Is Dinosaur even an animated feature if there are live action backgrounds? Well, 50% of it is, I suppose. Long before Dinosaur, other "animated features" with significant chunks of live action were put on the canon. Look, canon is canon and rulz is rulz. I can question the Powers That Be and the decisions They make, but Dinosaur is here to stay.

• GRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN. But I don't wanna watch Dinosaur [stamps her foot defiantly while putting video into the VCR.] Time to bite the bullet.

• For the record, most of these will be watched on VHS because that's what I've got and I ain't gonna go rentin' or buyin' movies I already have.

Random Ruminations on Dinosaur

• "Some things start out big, and some things start out small, very small. But sometimes the smallest thing can make the biggest changes of all." They totally stole this from a picture book. And what in the hell starts out big?

• All right, my first "nice" comment. I don't mind the character design on the iguanodons. They're interesting and I can appreciate their texture. Oh, but some of this movement...it's not right. I hope they weren't trying to fool us. I mean the animatronic dinosaurs in Jurassic Park looked more real.

• Sound effects are pretty good. This thing stealing Aladar the Egg totally reminds me of Joanna from The Rescuers Down Under.

• "There's always a bigger fish."

• Look, I can appreciate what they're trying to do here. Majestic score and all (thanks, James Newton Howard but your hands down best score was for 2003's Peter Pan.)

• The lemurs look bad though. But I'm not one who thinks real monkeys are cute anyway.

• Baby Aladar...fuck, he's actually kind of cute. I have to admit it.

• Oooh...possible infanticide! Followed by a piss joke.

• Aren't Iguanodons herbivores? Do I care enough to look it up? Nope.

• Reminds me of Simba being "adopted" by Timon and Pumbaa. You know, a far more powerful animal living amongst smaller ones.

• Ah. A hero who doesn't want to have children. Things are looking up. (Although it's probably a front since he is the only one of his species in the area and has no hopes of reproduction.)

• Movie is trying, but...

• ACTION SEQUENCE. The family is separated! Why am I not feeling anything for these characters? It's all set up like we should care. Their home and way of life is destroyed. The music is appropriate. What is it? What is wrong with this movie? Why am I not feeling real sympathy?

• Gah. Now that it's the end of the world, the colors are all bland and everything blends together.

• Velociraptors! Oh and the traveling herd!

• Aladar sees his first female iguanodon! They butt heads! It's a meet cute!

• So, I mean, this is a pretty big deal for Aladar, seeing similar species to himself for the first time ever.

• A British dinosaur! I am enjoying Joan Plowright as the long-neck. (She was Laurence Olivier's third wife. #trivia)

• Uh oh. Kron. The villain. He's prejudice against the weak and elderly and a control freak. Whoa and Bruton needs to ease up on the 'roids.

• Cat-calling. Has that ever worked on any woman ever?

• Fun fact! Samuel E. Wright who voices Kron also voices Sebastian from The Little Mermaid!

• "That's all I need. A monkey on my back." It's like the screenwriters had a big jar of clichés they drew jokes out of it. This script is lazy.

• But Aladar is helping those in need. There are far less honorable Disney heroes out there. (I'm looking at you, Peter Pan.)

• They should rename this movie 50 Shades of Tan. #badumtish

• Kron is all for survival of the fittest.

• "I always did like big girls!" Fuck. Really, movie?

• Oh, Neera sees he's good with children and is immediately attracted. #circleoflife

• And Kron don't like it. Whoa, he just threatened to kill Aladar for trying to command the herd!

• Good animation on Baylene's shaky knees.

• So a few weeks ago, a coworker of mine said she had a hankering to watch this movie and it took everything in me not to laugh at her. If you knew this girl, you would laugh at what perfect sense it makes that she likes Dinosaur.

• Bruton is injured and now a member of their weakling misfit group.

• Look, I am really trying to be nice, but I am BORED. Movie is trying to teach us about tolerance, acceptance, team work, etc., but couldn't be bothered to do it a more entertaining way.

• Bored, bored, bored. BORED.

• I think Bruton just died in a rock avalanche. Yep.

• I really wish I knew how much was left.

• Oh, Baylene is gonna get them out of the cave! Fuck yeah! They found the Nesting Grounds. Zip-a-dee-do-dah!

• All right, so there's this big rock wall now blocking the entrance to the Nesting Grounds. Kron wants them to go the dangerous way, but Aladar is trying to take control. Now they're fighting. I WONDER WHO IS GOING TO WIN. Ooh, Neera chose her boyfriend over her family.

• Is just screaming at the carnotaur going to make it leave them alone?

• More Aladar babies. Another piss joke.

• And they all lived happily ever after. Until more meteors came.

• Dinosaur. A generic title for a generic movie.

Final Thoughts
I tried. I really tried to be positive about this movie. But, like it always has been, it was a slog. After the opening sequence--which I'm sure was far more impressive 16 years ago on a big movie screen--the film pretty much has nothing to offer. Nothing new or different, nothing we haven't already heard or seen a thousand times before and in far more compelling ways. I mean, all I can do is shrug my shoulders. Dinosaur exists. It must be reckoned with if one takes on the Disney canon. It's like a really boring core class you have to take--an easy one, one that only requires your attendance. Still sucks you aren't entertained during that class, but hey, there isn't any homework. It's just a waste of time.

Look, my apologies to my coworker and all the others out there that have a special place in their hearts for Dinosaur. Good for you. Believe me, there will be some films on this blog that will be ranked much higher than the populace thinks they deserve to be. I get it. I am happy you have this movie and I would love to hear what it is you like so much. Drop me a comment, if you like. As for me, I am happy to let a year pass before I watch Dinosaur again.

Favorite Character

Baylene

Favorite Moment -- When Baylene takes no shit and pushes through the rocks.
Favorite Song -- N/A